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Have you ever been hurt?, have you ever been abandoned?...

 
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Stratolily
Sr. Member


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 496
Location: Santiago de Chile

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 9:24 pm    Post subject: Have you ever been hurt?, have you ever been abandoned?... Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Hi everyone!

I spending the worst time in my life... Sad
My boyfriend left me 2 months and 12 days ago...
He was everything for me, I think I still love him, but he cheated on me and left me for a kid (both of us are 26 years old, and this kid is 19 or 20 ...)
We lived togheter, so you can imagine how was for me to see how my home torn apart and lost my love...

So, I created this topic, maybe for some kind of therapy, I don't know,
and I'd like to know if anyone of you, just like Back To Madness says...

Have you been hurt? have you been anbandoned?

I hope this topic will be welcome...

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browneyedgirl
Sr. Member


Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 27234
Location: Starfall

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 9:40 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Welcome, Stratolily! Where are you from? And I LOVE your avatar! Smile

Yes, I've been hurt&abandoned by my now Ex-Husband. He abused me horrible, and I still carry some bitterness even though I now have pretty much gotten on with my life!
You will live&love again! Give yourself time to grieve. There are several steps to Recovery, and they will take time. The final one is acceptance&at that point you will forgive him, at least enough that it does not hurt any longer.

Good luck! I'll write more about this later, Stratolily! Wink

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Stratolily
Sr. Member


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 496
Location: Santiago de Chile

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 9:46 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Thanks so much for your words, Browneyed Girl!
I know I just need more time to accept everything, but it's really hard when you thought you would spend the rest of you life with this guy. That's what I really wanted and suddenly everything torn apart, everything ends! Sad

Just thanks! It's all I have to say by now...

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cliff
Sr. Member
USER_AVATAR_REMOTE

Joined: 19 Apr 2002
Posts: 3361
Location: Tampere

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:08 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

I'm sorry to hear (for both of You).
It's a really difficult period, I can't lie to you.
But like Browneyedgirl said, you will live and love again. Just give yourself some time.

I have already been abandonned, and it felt terrible. I considered this woman like the woman of my life and when she left me, I really thought I would never meet anyone like her,, that I'll never be happy anymore. But you see, now I am sooooooo happy, with that wonderful person who is about 1000 times "better" than that ex.
So don't lose your faith. You will find someone again who will make you even happier, and will respect you for real.
And tell yourself that this person was just not meant to be with you, if he cheated on you.

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Dave
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Joined: 26 Dec 2004
Posts: 16777035
Location: somewhere under your bed

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:08 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Hi StratoLily Smile

i think everyone of us has had some bad experiences in love yet..

well, i'm also just a kid, 14 years old, i don't know much of life yet, but i've also been hurt yet.. the situation is a bit different from yours, but i'm completely down, too, and i really don't know what to do.. on the one side i want to forget it all, but on the other side i'm hoping so much i still have a chance, and that one day i'll be together with this girl..
but well, let's talk about you..

yeah you really need more time to accept this. but you should really try to accept it, you have to forget all this, and to change your life! time heals nearly all wounds, and i'm sure, soon you will have forgotten all this, and you'll be happy again Smile

"Hold on to your dream and never give up in your life"

In such situations the lyrics of Stratovarius and especially SOnata Arctica are giving me very much.. in much of them i can find exactly what i'm feeling..

well.. good luck to you Smile don't take it too hard..



oh.. and sorry for my bad english, i hope you could understand what i wanted to say Embarassed

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fernando_levy
Jr. Member


Joined: 05 Mar 2005
Posts: 42
Location: Mexico City

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:17 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Hi stratolily,

I have to say I agree with cliff and browneyedgirl. I know I'm just an 18 year old guy and I've never been hurt in love (I haven't had a girl before) but still, I think you shoul take your time to recover (only time can heal these wounds). Just don't give up; there's someone out there who will love you completely. And browneyedgirl, your resovle and courage to move on must be unimaginable, considering you have a son so... congratulations. I'm also curios stratolily, where are you from?

Best regards, just carry on and reach your goals

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Patricia
Sr. Member


Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 1512
Location: France

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:51 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Hi Stratolily,

I agree with all what said above.
It seems to me you've already posted this in Kotipelto forum..but i can answer you again. You're from Chile right? Tell me if i'm wrong..

Yes, i've been hurt and felt abandoned too. There is almost one year and a half now that we've broken. I believed i could live the rest of my life with him, as we shared more than 6 years together but finally no..And it was a very hard moment for me yes..all was collapsed, ruined and i felt very depressed..
But the time cures the pain, the sadness, and i'm feeling well now.
So Stratolily fight! And you'll see, one day you'll love again. I wish you all the best for the future. Smile

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Stratowariuz
Jr. Member


Joined: 28 Aug 2005
Posts: 39
Location: Oulu, Finland

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 11:21 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Hi Stratolily,

I agree with others. I'm just 19 years old boy, and I don't know so much about life yet.. But once I've been hurted by love. I fell in love with a girl, and it really doesn't worked.. But no more about that. It's just so amazing how much power you can get by listening Stratovarius! I can find so much about myself with those lyrics..

So Stratolily try to carry on and I wish all the best for you and hug! Smile


"Hold on to your dream, somewhere there's a beam, of hope which is guiding your way through the dark.." Wink

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Stratolily
Sr. Member


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 496
Location: Santiago de Chile

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 11:52 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Thanks so much for your words! Crying or Very sad
I'm just trying to be fine, I promise...

Hey Dave! don't worry for you english! Soy chilena!ja, ja, ja!
De seguro yo también me he equivocado...Razz

Yeah! I'm chilean, Patricia and I did post in Kotipelto forum... Very Happy

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Patricia
Sr. Member


Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 1512
Location: France

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 11:56 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Stratolily wrote:

Yeah! I'm chilean, Patricia and I did post in Kotipelto forum... Very Happy


I was sure. Wink
Anyway, i'm glad you have a smile there! Smile

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Stratolily
Sr. Member


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 496
Location: Santiago de Chile

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 12:07 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Hey! Now I remember....
You replied me in kotipelto forum!:
What a chicken head! Laughing

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TheBlackRose
Sr. Member


Joined: 12 Jan 2003
Posts: 1067
Location: Chile

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 1:25 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

yeah I've been hurt and it suck ass! and i'm still hurt i think i won't believe in anyone..anybody....never again. I rather be alone. i loved like never before and ..fuck! i feel like i'm never gonna love so strong, so deep like the way I did. I hate men' beautiful words. i'm gonna be a cold hearted woman from now on....grgrgrgrgrgrggr







(it sound like a childish thought but that's the way i feel, at least now)





)(/HNJJ9865%%vuI(/6

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browneyedgirl
Sr. Member


Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 27234
Location: Starfall

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 2:53 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

TheBlackRose wrote:
yeah I've been hurt and it suck ass! and i'm still hurt i think i won't believe in anyone..anybody....never again. I rather be alone. i loved like never before and ..fuck! i feel like i'm never gonna love so strong, so deep like the way I did. I hate men' beautiful words. i'm gonna be a cold hearted woman from now on....grgrgrgrgrgrggr







(it sound like a childish thought but that's the way i feel, at least now)





)(/HNJJ9865%%vuI(/6


I think you are in the Anger stage. This is normal--it will pass. Then, you will accept, and gradually move on. Losing a loved one by death or seperation, is much the same process to recovery. If you get stuck in one of the stages too long, IMO, its time to get outside help especially if these feelings are hindering your life. But, there is no set time limit on these feelings--some people can resolve such a loss in weeks, others, it takes years. It depends on the individual.
When you live with someone for years, even if there were conflicts, when they are gone you sometime tend to idealize the person--you just think of the good times&it makes the pain worse. But, thats part of the process.
And, you'll get over man-hating Wink Trust me--you will. I went through that period, but then at some point you finally realize that dumping all the anger you feel for one person on half the human race is not only ineffective, but silly. Wink And, your heart will warm again--you will meet another guy--even just as a friend&to your surprise your heart will beat alittle faster, you will look forward to seeing&talking with him, and before you know it the male sex is gorgeous again! Smile
Time heals wounds, especially in affairs of the heart!
Just be your best self, try some changes, take up new hobbies&spend time with friends to help you through this shaky time! You may find your heartache, as devestating as it is, helped you grow as a person&even made you stronger! Smile
Good Luck!

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Stratolily
Sr. Member


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 496
Location: Santiago de Chile

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 5:24 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

TheBlackRose wrote:
yeah I've been hurt and it suck ass! and i'm still hurt i think i won't believe in anyone..anybody....never again. I rather be alone. i loved like never before and ..fuck! i feel like i'm never gonna love so strong, so deep like the way I did. I hate men' beautiful words. i'm gonna be a cold hearted woman from now on....grgrgrgrgrgrggr







(it sound like a childish thought but that's the way i feel, at least now)





)(/HNJJ9865%%vuI(/6




I totally understand you!
I don't know how I'm gonna believe in other guy again! Crying or Very sad
I'm really scared!
I love like I've never before too, he was everything to me...
But I know I must get over this, cause the dream of my life is to have a family, to have children... I feel deep in my heart that I was born for this, so I can't give up!
But first, I have to heal my wounds...
Crying or Very sad

I know how you feel, I'm feling the same way right now...
I understand your anger, I understand you so much, but I still think that there must be someone for me but also think that I need to be alone for a while, cause, after all, I still fucking love him!
Crying or Very sad

I don't know anything else to tell you.
I think I'm not the most indicated person to give an advice...
I just understand you...

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MaFiaBoY
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Joined: 08 May 2004
Posts: 3144
Location: Brest, France

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 11:20 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

OOOOH MY BOYFRIEND LEFT ME !! HOW TERRIBLE Crying or Very sad

No offense meant but it's a bit frustrating to see people who get depressed when I would give anything to be like them...

To answer the question, yeah I've been hurt (See here) but not abandoned, I have my mother and sister, all my friends and YOU my dear Stratobrothers (and sisters :p).

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Patricia
Sr. Member


Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 1512
Location: France

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 11:49 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Stratolily wrote:
Hey! Now I remember....
You replied me in kotipelto forum!:
What a chicken head! Laughing


Hehe.. Laughing

Anyway, we can see here that a lot of people have been hurt too, so you're not the only one to have suffered...I know that's terrible to feel so bad...you know, in my case i should get married in february 2004 but finally all have been destroyed one month later, so..But with the time now, i don't have any regrets..And i mean too that it's in that way a good thing to talk about that for you, i understand you totally, and you can see that we here understand your sadness and pain at least for those who have lived the same, and that you've all our support. Smile

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Beast_Pete
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Joined: 02 Mar 2003
Posts: 6488
Location: Budapest, Hungary

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 3:33 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Of course. There were several times, I've been hurt and when I felt abandoned, but I'm the type, who recovers. I don't like to be sad. Smile And well, I felt quite bad (really really bad) recently. But it's over now, even if I'm still not feeling okay 100%.

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TheBlackRose
Sr. Member


Joined: 12 Jan 2003
Posts: 1067
Location: Chile

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:23 pm    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Quote:
If you get stuck in one of the stages too long, IMO, its time to get outside help especially if these feelings are hindering your life. But, there is no set time limit on these feelings--some people can resolve such a loss in weeks, others, it takes years. It depends on the individual.


Exactely, it's been 7 or 8 months so far and have been the worst months of my life.



Quote:
When you live with someone for years, even if there were conflicts, when they are gone you sometime tend to idealize the person--you just think of the good times&it makes the pain worse.



that's what happened to me, there's no second, minute i don't think about him, i looked back in what was my relationship and i think in the great times and i think in all of i could have done to change what was wrong or what i did wrong, to heal what was at the end unhealable.....in my case even if i'm with friends , family or even another guy, who I know he likes me, there's no way I can't get him out of my mind, out of my heart. I believed in love, eternal love...yeah i'm a dreamer....but he meant so much to me .....i know this is a process and i just hope i can move on and open my heart again......i want to start a new life.. i really do...and in a few weeks more i'm gonna take the biggest decition of my life so I can accomplish my goal, i know it's for my own good. but right now guys it sucks to feel this way. wish it never happened.

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Stratovarious
Sr. Member


Joined: 30 Oct 2003
Posts: 4267
Location: Temuco, Chile, South America

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 12:08 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

wll...I just sorry ...

I think a few of us here ...really know how you feel ...I just send you hugs and good vibes ..cause I know this thing hurts a lot..but we can learn a lot of new things....after the storm...there's a calm....just be patient and you will realize that life goes on..in a positive way


I think..mmhh..I felt like you years ago and everytihng....EVERYTHING...will be better...now you're watchin' the fuck*** hole....but..trust me...you will learn of this

you have to...but don't push yourself into another level ...now you need time to be alone and learn of everything...the human being is emotional by nature
but sometimes we need to go away from emotions and think we can't depend form another person...we have to focus in what we are and what we need...and what we were doing....

and the better way to go out of that issue...is starting to love yourself..as never before...

Time can be your best friend or your worst enemy.....think about it

I wish you the best....hope you'll be better by now

if you need to talk here'e my mail... f_allen_x@hotmail.com

strato... Very Happy Smile Smile

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cliff
Sr. Member
USER_AVATAR_REMOTE

Joined: 19 Apr 2002
Posts: 3361
Location: Tampere

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:59 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

MaFiaBoY wrote:
OOOOH MY BOYFRIEND LEFT ME !! HOW TERRIBLE Crying or Very sad

No offense meant but it's a bit frustrating to see people who get depressed when I would give anything to be like them...
Mmm. I understand your point. Your pbm was awful, I reckon it, but hei, that's not a reason to treat other people like their pbms don't matter, just because YOU had that one. Pain is still pain.

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Stratolily
Sr. Member


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 496
Location: Santiago de Chile

PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:12 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

MaFiaBoY wrote:
OOOOH MY BOYFRIEND LEFT ME !! HOW TERRIBLE Crying or Very sad

No offense meant but it's a bit frustrating to see people who get depressed when I would give anything to be like them...


Mmm...
No comments... Confused

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Chronologo
Member


Joined: 31 Jan 2005
Posts: 96
Location: Maipú, Chile, South America, The End Of The World

PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:41 am    Post subject: Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

even me that I'm 17 know how it feels, it pretty bad feeling.The worst is that you dream that everything would change but that never happens, and you wait and wait, you realize that it won't happen then you get into a king size black hole.It's pretty hard to get out of there but it's possible,I wish you luck, the will force can help u, be strong and don't forget that the life is just 1 and you gotta enjoy it.Now I'm out of that black hole and I only wait, believe me the time is the key.Everything has solution less death.I think the only thing that could left is that coldness in your heart, I'm still coldhard hearted but I know that someday I'll meet somebody, or maybe I already met it but don't know, just wait.

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