Stratovarius Community

[Hubble86]

Jaja! Chupacabra seems to have gone somewhere else just now. Maybe to the village for some redneckblood. So you can come to the kitchen for your porridge with goatmilk.

But be prepared to go back to your underbedplace with short notice.


And remember that we need you, when our goats start to deliver chupacabrababies...

[Kööski]

Ja, ja, I have to tell you, that we have one problem less, but more new ones. We are in quarantine. No fresh muffins more, but we have to stand two gentlemen from the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, in Helsinki.

They are alarmed, but NOT over Öhubbles story about the chupacabra from the back of the Moon. Oh NO! They don't believe a word of that. No, they fear that the animal is an old species from the thawed Russian tundra and is some sort of dinosaur.

So they measure and weigh our poor pregnant goats that nowadays are määäing day and night. One problem less is the raping chupacabra. 72 year old Seppi Ranta shot the invisible monster with 16 shots. Ranta is very crosseyed and could only see the bupping head.

But they had some difficulties though, when they should bury the invisible animal, and they had to dig a broad and deep grave, to be sure that all of him was in. But some say that they heard how he snarled and now there are scary rumors that his bupping head has been seen all over the village.

Nea has come up from his underbed and would like to go home to US, but since it is sort of his fault that the monster came here, Öhubble says, he has to stay till this neverending story is completed..And since it is neverening, who knows when...

[Kööski]

Ja,ja! From now on Nea and I can call ourselves Goat-midwives-assistants, since we have helped the vet-professors with the delivery of bock Bruse's offspring.

Bruse had been very määäing several days, and the vets decided to liberate him from the kicking things in his stomach. They made an operating room, in the barn and we managed to get Bruse up on the table.

He(Bruse of course) kicked and screamed and the vets had to put him to sleep, before they could take an ultrasoundfilm of his big stomach.

But we could hardly believe what we saw on that film.

Three bupping monstrous heads with goatbeards. NOTHING MORE. The stomach seemed empty, but the heads made sounds like määäs...

We listened in stethoscope. And yes they määäed. Even more strange was that we could hear heartbeats from three different hearts.

God heavens lord.There must be three different monsters there with hearts, and huh and vojne, how many more were there in our eleven female pregnant goats? And our four bocks? Vojne! Again! And Huh. Again too!

The vets decided to take out the heads and their ticking hearts.So they cut up our Bruse...

Three bupping heads stared at us and, and...they said PERKELE...

It was a bit too much HUH. So I have to regain my senses now. Sorry...

[NeverendingAbyss]

In the wind
I see the build
A great wall!
Said Donald Trump

To the moon
He said with truth
For this great goal
Will be made with goats

Bruse has sprout
And Trump is proud
Vojne is there
And everywhere

[Kööski]

I see goats on the Moon,
And in Koskalukka too,
I see their stomachs grow,
With Monsters inside,
And I think for myself,
What a dangerous world.

I look at the Moon,
And the clouds in the sky,
The bright Goat-Moon,
Lights up the scary night,
And I think for myself,
What a mysterious world.

[Hubble86]

I am very interested in gene-science, and red and blue molecules. The four of my invisible pills, that the Moonmonster ate was a big overdose, and it's effect was a dramatic change of the gene-tree.

His invisibility is probably a full part of his molecules now and also inheritable. The tests I made on the bupping heads, with the invisible bodies, show just that.

I can tell you, it wasn't easy to take those blood-samples from the wild screaming things. They bite everything that comes near and they can really bite.

They also refuse to eat anything but fresh blood, so we had to buy from a slaughter in Tuscalokta. We vill have a big feeding problem when all the other goats have delivered. HUUUUU.

[Kööski]

Jaja! My senses are now back! Fairly. And I am almost used to our new situation. We had to "take care"of the four harassed bocks. Brum (he brumbrumed instead of määing) Buff (used his horns too often) Bite(he lost his teeth in a fight) Trump(obvious). Those four bocks stomachs were too damaged and the Vets had to put them to sleep and take out the bupping heads. Now with tails!

We had bought aquariums for them and ÖHubble was very enthusiastic over their molecules. He took bloodsample after bloodsample. They bit him and he used his syringes . Many bites were there and at last he gave up. But he forget to close the aquariums and the heads came loose in the barn. Eleven monstrous bupping heads babbling in some old Finnish-Russian dialect, that no one could understand. BUT,BUT. One word was clear for us all. BLOOD! Who's BLOOD?
OURS of course...

Double huhs. Again!!!!

[Hubble86]

I have a lot of stitches from monsterbites,but they are well worth it, since I got amazing results from my gene-tests of those Moonanimals. They are related to Tyrannosaurus rex and to my enormous surprise also to people from Koskalukka. There are also dinosaurusgenes in our neighbor-rednecks. HUH! Who could have believed that?

I have samples from a Jukka Harminen, and he told me the most strange stories about his ancestors. He could also talk to our newborn monsters in their curious language. And how they can talk at all is an uncanny riddle I can't explain. At all!

Our first female goat has delivered two kids. To our surprise they looked like goats and määed like goats. But are they goats? We have to see if the rest has goats or monsters in their stomachs. Goats were a blessing since our Moonmonsters are more and more a big problem and we probably soon have to take a very drastic decision...

[Kööski]

Nea and I can now call ourselves Chupacabraexcutioners, since we helped to kill and bury the Moonmonsters.

The female goats have all delivered and there is a big difference to those we killed, that were more monsters than goats. But ÖHubble is very worried after his tests. The new one are all bocks and they have very strange DNA. AND THEY SPEAK FINNISH...

I talked to Jukka Harminen and he told me the story of his ancestors, as he got it from his grandfather. Millions and millions of years ago a little lizard crawled ashore in Finland. It developed and developed to different species and also dinos and humans, The little lizardgene followed in all livings . So after more million years, came some aliens to visit Koskalukka. They fell in love with the koskagoathumans and there were children. Now with aliengenes.

But the aliens got bored with the Finnish climate and left with their children. And they found out that the metal,opredulus, they need for their transportbubbles was in great amount on the back of the Moon, so they made mines there and it is now used by all aliens that need opredulus.

There are problems, since the Chupacabras say that the Moon is theirs and they fight everyone that tries to land there. Now ÖHubble is afraid that our new bocks are some planted Chupacabrasoldiers.

I can only say a bigbig HUH...

[Hubble86]

Jaja! The Chupacabramonsters are now dead, but we have 16 new questionmarks to worry about. They often look like goats and määs like goats,, but suddenly they speak Finnish and sing old Russian warsongs.

The vets will show them on TV, but I say no, since it would create fear and chaos. To get some order in the situation I have asked Nea and Kööski to infiltrate the group and get to know what they want to do.

Nea has come close to one big brute, we call Axel, and they have been out on Koskalake pretending to sail to the Moon. Axel liked that and he likes Nea, so he (Nea of course) has to be careful out there in the barn, since Axel is his Chupacabrafathers son.

The new bocks are, strangely enough, not interested in the female goats and they are probably all gay. They have the most curious DNA and have lost all their grasseaterbite, but got new carnivoreteeth, which worries us. They walk mostly on their hindlegs and they sing.

I have been open about our unusual problems here on this Forum since it seems to have few visiters. I have to document our findings somewhere and I count on your discretion...

[Kööski]

Vojne, vojne! Rumors all over the world!Most call it fake news from corrupt journalists and laugh, but others believe them and Twitter is full of speculations about aliens, moonmonsters and a mad professor that is the root of it all. Some say that the world will explode with monsters any day.

It all started in Finland! Finland? A little cold and dark country, in the North, close to big Russia. Where gloomy Finns drink Koskenkorva for breakfast. Finland? The center of all Universe aliens? Fake or no fake? Who would have thought that?

Media from all over the world have found ÖHubble and me and we expect an invasion of media here, so we have left and are now hiding in a safe place. Nea and Pekka have to take care of the truthseekers. Haha! Serves them right...

[Kööski]

Now I will give you a report from the farm, told by Nea. HUH! Pekka was apparently in his evil outerspacemood, when he met the Media.

They came in an united squad. CNN, Fox, der Spiegel, BBC and five Swedish rags. Pekka welcomed them, with Finnish beer and Kosken and they put up their cameras. The interviews could begin and they wanted to know everything about monsters and aliens.

And they drank their Finnish beer...

After seven minutes came the first strange sign.

The journalists started to jump a little. And at the same time they sort of disappeared in a fog. But the heads were visible, but they bupped and the butts shivered. Next minute they all jumped a little higher and bupped a little more and one guy from Sweden bumped his bupping head in the ceiling.

Then they all started to scream.

Very sharp and loud. And they jumped higher now. Out, out to their cars still screaming in panic.

Nine bupping heads drove from the farm with the gas in the bottom and God knows what happened then, since not a single report has come up in the Media.

Nea told me that Pekka is very happy and that he earlier spent a lot of time in ÖHubbles lab and with his Grasshoppowder and Invisiblepills.

We are now going back to the farm and we will be laughing all the way...

[Hubble86]

Pfff...I have heard, that they now make a big affair of visualizing the molecules in human bodies. Pfff again...What is the news? I have told you so for ages, and how I made my invisiblepills from red to blue molecules. Or is it the opposite? I don't really remember, since I am a distracted professor, after all.

No one else has understood, that it is just the change, that gives invisibility. The bupping heads is a not desirable side-effect, that I work on now, and I have already made the movements a little less buppy. But the tremulant butts are more difficult to change. They seem to have their own sort of buttmolecules, that are neither red or blue. Maybe they are green...

There are much more to discover and I am working very hard. That is for sure...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Guess who is going to Frankfurt Monday? Yes, just me. I will go to the concert with some of my German friends' It will be great fuuun...

[NeverendingAbyss]

Ah, the moonnautgruppen. Good times.

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Kastrup soon I'm there boarding my plane...

[AGAG]

Oh boy. So many new developments and I am so shamefully out of touch. Some personalities are as new for me as a terribly multi layered character I would find on an old dynasty book.

If I were to delve in the cold gray river again and if there were for me any chance of forgiveness at this point in time, would there a sort of dumb-friendly prolegomena I could be guided towards? A quenching summa or a chocolate-milk like glossary?

It still isn´t cold enough here to have the releiving molecular appeasement that comes with it, so I ask in all honesty.

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Sorry, this is a dynastybook about my father and his Nobelprizeaspirations and you don't need to look for the dirty and cold river to be in again. Just look for the man in the Moon. But never ever go there.

Nea and I were stupid enough to listen to my father and his promises of adventures. It was absolute horrible. No air! Cold at one side and hot on the other.And those scary chupacabramonsters everywhere. Nea even brought one to Koskalukka with terrible consequences.

I am sure my father will try to get you to go there with his batteries and grasshoppowder. But DON'T! DON'T! Say NO! Absolute NO!

Nice to have you back even if I'm sure you won't stay long.. And you need no prolegomena...

[Hubble86]

Hallo Agag and welcome back! Hope you will come to Koskalukka! I have a big adventure for you here. A real challenge, where you will use my new inventions. A fantastic battery and some grasshoppowder. Just something to go into for a brave young man like you.

I tell you more when you come here, which I hope to be soon.

[AGAG]

Oh, so soon and I am so invited. It is tempting to go to a place like Koskaluuka or however it is spelled, to change for a bit these orientplains and jungles. Next ricetsunami is on the horizon and I would very much love to be in such a far place like koska while hell breaks loose on the souppan basin, not to wish it harm but just as a way of learning to breathe again. Do they have tea? Does the moonman like Oolong?

But but! It would also be unadvisable to unlisten my friends advice and go without some consideration. Koska is after all an exotic place, full of wolves and gaybears, aliens and submarine species. What experiment might prevent me from being eaten by an ice penguin as soon as I step out from the helicopter? Is the battery you promise useful against maamimosquitoes and hungrymomin? Will the grasshopperdust be enough to scare away the gaybears? I very much want to follow the words of the tree and go out through the world fissure.

It is shameful but I have investigated regarding boat trips to koska already..

[Hubble86]

PFFFF "Hubble in trubble" Pfff . I'm NOT in Hubbletrubble. At all! They are talking about a telescope, named after me, the presumtive Nobel-prize-winner, they always forget. This year no exception,since my inventions surely are too much for them to grasp. Or they are just evil and typical envious Swedes.

Look how they mishandled the Literature-prize.

But I No longer care that much. I soon hope to send a young guy from El Salvador to the Moon and he can give them the finger, from there, using my battery and my grasshoppowder.

Haaaa haaaa that is what I say then...

[AGAG]

The port of basinland continued to be bashed by a vicious storm. Invaders from pipeland were preparing their missiles, rockets, exocets and variously shaped bayonets all pointed towards the basinpresident and their unsuspected residents. "2020 is still to far away" they have said, on the radios and on the main matrix webpage "The penetration has begun!" And penetrate they did, slowly but surely. They penetrated the waters, leaving a solid slipstream of rice stench and piss. The once clean waters of the basinstrait were now deep yellow, and the surface quickly became a nutritious froth for rapacious animals and piss eating bacteria.

Notwithstanding, the first bomb was heard before the break of dawn, unannounced and so the once tea ridden streets turned instead into to a tumultuous liquefaction of piss and human figures stenched in piss, running and covering their faces. This event was in the future come to be refered by historians as the Pissennacht.

After a desperate morning run, a group of people made it unstained to the shore, were a lonely rusty vessel was about to go in the long green sea. The last people to board the ship were 2 men, one held a notebook with old pages, the other one was an old men with no luggage.

They sat by each other as they gathered their breath and finally noticed the destination sign on the boat. A rusty metal plate with the name "koskalukka" crowned the rusty vessel, and they had no idea what it meant. The old name finally revealed his name, he was mr Shen.

Mr shen, full of wisdom, held a lotus flower in his hand. Sometimes his eyes were luminous, as when he spoke:

"The wheel has seven spokes, cach spoke could have chosen a different wheel but they were blessed by the unmovable, the eternal. Samsara has placed us in this boat, and we run from the pee rivers. Let the breadmen take more land, for their demise lies within themselves."

But no soon had he finished uttering his wisdom that the ocean began performing a tumultous Te Deum that flung the ship back and forth. It was no ordinary performance though, for the waters broke and let forth a curious figure that emerged slowly from the depths..