Neverending Story [Game]

[AGAG]

Ass soon as a big man stumbled in the corners of a new fresh page, a poet rode his donkey inside the story, rather harshly and suppositorily, yet with a brand new soul. A yellow bridge and a cloud, that was all he needed. So he came from a cloud, not like god or that sort of thing. Mainly like a tattered young man that came to find his very home on some tall thread on some tall internet forum. He smiled and then he started to spew some idea-adulterated substance like he used to do.

"Merry waterbottles" he said "I am bottle-santa and I will make you happy, if you let me. I can also make you sad if the weather is not ideally regulated. Have you noticed?? It is december again! This means absolutely no regulation and a good deal of wind, like the tathata of a very broad and assphyxiating eraser gum. It looks and feels like a gigantic men that attempts to push my home into the ground, yet the same thing makes you float in these eerie but effable state of contemplation. Eraser-december, the loneliest of months. This is necessary. Also a very broad range of smells that flow through in the day and the night, like today for example! I made a list. I made one, yes:

Smell A- Rotten bananas and a truck full of ripe fruit. This smell is common on the afternoons and at dusk. One can even catch sight of the bananas if it is absoultely necessary. Use incense.
Smell B- Burnt newspapers and wood. One time it will last for seconds, the next one it will be there for hours. Maybe there will be specks of black wind circling your house! Watch out, it may enter inside your eyes or leave little rafts on your fingers. No sea.
Smell C- Ice cube smell. This one is tricky and can pierce. Use a glass tall of milk and a book. You may lie on the fround

Maybe you are familiar with the ABBA form or even the ABACABA. But this is just one of the many strings god can pull from his clouds. Eitherway, my donkey is getting impatient. But. Where are the dogs?"

The dogs were on the corner.

He got out of his donkey and parked himself in a bike rig. Not in that order. He had to run, however, and immediatly embrace the brown dog that shivered from lack of sleep and that was eating his own fur. The poor frolic thing was having a schizophrenic episode. The dog thought his paws were made of christmas candies. "Oh no!" Said the poet "Not again!" The other dogs were really scared. The black one, for example, was on the paws-on-chest position signifying stress and horror. The majority of the variegated dogs were asleep. The poet gave them cookies and a jar of pills for the mind. The new year was on the other corner and they needed to be strong mentally and stomachly. All the dogs licked him and he was happy and rolled downhill with them, licking at will. The hill had a flowery fever and they rolled down a bunch of red tulips that greeted them on their way and approved the dog-messenger with a slight tilt of their colorful heads. Maybe it was only wind.

Finally, on the hill skirts, they crashed with a very tall tree. They woke him up and the leaves started to rumble very angrily. "Hrrm! HRRM!" Said the tall oak. "How dare you spy on this beautiful and pure skirt. This girl is not any of your business, I have seen her grow from the small bump on the ground she used to be until she became a mature and responsible girl-hill. With tulips, trees and even orchids on her back. You can see she has become quite voluptuous. Ha!" The leaves were not happy and they made an angry-dance. The perverted tree said "Hrrm" again and violently threw an apple that hit the poet right in the head. He fainted and the dogs pulled him to a safe place.

He woke up and he wasn't on the hill any longer and now he was on top of a very warm pillow. Where was he?! It was...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Jippy You are back!

very dark, and he could hardly see his donkey, Elmer, but he heard him chewing on the rotten bananas. He sounded very donkey-content and he stamped with his left hindfoot in a very irritating way.
"Stop that stomping you foolishest animal of all animals, except goats. Stop or I throw you out through the window, without opening it"

The donkey muttered something about shameful lifeconditions. What had he done to deserve such an unpleasant treatment? Hadn't he dragged the stupid poet over the hills, to a safe, but warm pillow?

The poet heard him and realized that he (the poet also) had been unfair. Elmer was after all his best friend and they had sworn to be together, in wet and dry.

"Jajajaj", he said, "Stomp on, then, but not on the rotten bananas, since they smell rotten oranges to much, when you stomp on them. But can you, by the way, tell me why it is so dark here now"?

"Huh" , said the donkey. Donkeys often say just Huuuu with emphasis. "Because dear poet, it is night now, and as a rule there use to be dark then"

"Aha", the poet was bewildered, "Night? But, but, where did the day go? I didn't see her"!

"She went with the sun. They are a pair and always follow each other",

"So what am I supposed to do now, Elmer"?

"You can sleep and wait for them to come back. They use to do that, you know"!

"Aha, Elmer, that is a very good donkeyidea. I think"

He closed his eyes but the pillow got hotter and hotter and...

[AGAG]

the pillow was hot but nothing caught fire. The day was bright and scorching on the outside and the house steamed. Elmer was concerned by the poet's brain that was roasting slowly inside his head. His heart was also becoming some sort of muscule-broth that, according to his donkey-intuition, would be specially delicious with some duck sauce and, of course, a tall glass of fresh goat milk by the side. The sun heat was specially suited for poet-cooking those days. His intestines could make a wonderful salad with the right dressings. Elmer was hungry and salivated violently. But he also had a heart, a big heart, and he remembered that the poet was his friend and that eating him would be a very unpolite thing to do at this point of their friendship. Letting him get roasted was also somehow rude. Elmer grabbed the poet's shirt with his teeth and pulled him out of the house towards the welcoming shadow of a very tall tree. He had saved his life again! Maybe more times than he actually intended to..

The poet Hrrmed and he got up, a little bit dizzy from the cooking and basting Mr Sun had made. His Elmer rested by his side. His donkey stomach hrrmed too from the hunger... He opened his eyes to see the lulling branches but he was a bit tree-scared "Another tree?" He asked, while sitting up "Oh dear! Won't he throw fruit at me?... Will they be bland like bananas?" The tree laughed and his branched tweaked. "Haha! I'm not of that sort" He answered in a deep black-man voice "I'm pacific and quiet. I have observed you and your donkey from here. For a long time I have traced your friendship. I think you are a very endearing as a couple. I think your donkey is really clever and has a broad heart. If you can take advice of this old tired tree, I think you should hug and leave that sitting role you have given him. He is not a transport, he is a friend that is hungry. Here!" The tree gave the poet three colorful bananas. One red, the other two were blue.

The poet rested his head on the lushy velvety back of the lying donkey and watched how the house that they were in burned little by little as Mr Noon approached. The poet patted the donkey's ears and when he woke up he was welcomed by three extremely juicy bananas. Elmer was rejoiced. He ate them all with a smile and laughed asking for more. He loved the blue ones. The poet climbed on the tree to get more fruit for his friend. He even foraged enough to find a purple glowing banana. Elmer had a feast and he was exhausted. "We need to get to a town" he said "But I'm way too tired.. Look at my paws! they are pulsating.." the poet laughed and had an idea "I know I know!" he told "I can be the donkey this time! hop in and let's go to moskva to meet some friends" And there they went. The poet sang songs as elmer whistled along.

But on the middle of the way, a big boom was heard... it was...

[tpocain]

(Muscule-broth...EWW!) It was Tamma the Witch, teleporting from Estonia. Apparently, she teleported quite loudly. She was worried about the poor kind-hearted little donkey and wanted to ask the poet if she should care for Elmer while he recovered from his bile-boiling and intestinal-stewing. But as she walked over to ask him, he became so frightened that he turned into ANOTHER donkey! What scared him so much was the fact that Tamma was naked. She had been casting a spell just before appearing from Estonia and tends to cast better spells when naked. Also, Jinx Dawson (lead singer of Coven) had been teaching her to become a ceremonial mage, and Tamma now gave off a quiet but intimidating vibe. (Actually, Jens was still afraid of her, too, and had turned into a cougar a dozen more times since getting out of the insane asylum...)

So the enchanted banana tree looked down and exclaimed, "Well, how about that! TWO donkeys now! I shall need to grow bigger purple bananas for you. I only hope you'll no longer fear the night as much as you do our sky-clad witch here!" The donkey poet said, "Well, I AM still tired from being royally abused by Mr. Sun, so it will feel so good to sleep." The moon was rising in the sky although it wasn't dark yet. Tamma was gazing at it and started to sing. It sounded a bit like...

[AGAG]

A wolf bagatelle that started very high-pitched and continued to be very transparent and glassy. One could see through the witchj song. A book was opened that read "Demian" and no one knew why. The interminable canoe, the dancing penknife, the hanging nail. It was there like a warning sign and a slowly moving tide-device. Tamma finished the wolf song and the moon shaked and waked from a long dream.. it stretched its arms and yawned while the seas cracked. "We need you to be still!" Cried the seas "Look at our moving peaks.. this is no good" The moon just heard a slightly reduced hiss and turned away to rest in another position.

Tamma laughed and invited the donkey and the poet to Estonia. There they have 200 meters tall trees that are covered with banana skins. Or so they were told by Samma. They grabbed the first train and they arrived quite quickly in S-Talinn that was covered in snow and the reindeers ran at large around the decorated trees. People danced in the streets and happiness was in the air. The poet was enchanted and started to sing in top of a tree. The donkey found something interesting on the road. It was...

[Ilsekena]

little Soovide puu (est. The wish tree)...

[AGAG]

Yes! An estonian Puu was on the road. The puu had a very thin voice and sounded like a castrated boy. He said "Hello dear donkey! I will concede three wishes since it is christmas. But now, it cannot be later. My Soov-ness will be lost in the next couple of days and I will be like any other Puu. What can a donkey ask a magical tree?"

The donkey pondered and asked for a new barn in Estonia. One with fresh goatmilk everyday and a personal cow pillow. He also asked for a banana-pijama and for his own flock of goats.

There were 18 goats in total. And the donkey ruled over them all. He established a donkey totalitarian regime on his barn and the goats were heavily mistreated, milked daily by an inconsiderate cow. The poet was too busy singing on trees to liberate the poor goats so in the barn a goat-guerilla was born. They planned to escape and be free in the evergreen pastures of Estonia and maybe Lithuania. They organized and...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

They had their own Che Goatvara. "Viva el Che", said the other, rather silly goats, and banged their horns in each other. They thought they were all great trabajadores. HUH!

The poet heard them and asked Elmer what was the meaning of this.

"Ah", said Elmer, and blinked signicantly at Helmer, the other donkey, that chewed on a big bunch og hay. "They have to test their horns and be lefties. It will soon change when they meet reality".

But the goats were persistent and a murmur was heard."Down with the capitalist-donkeys and that Poet-Hitler. Let us tear them in pieces".

"What, what", said Helmer and the Poet. But Elmer just laughed and from his stomach came a horrible donkeyscream. "Ouhuoyuhu. Come on you stupid goats, the only animal, that is more stupid than donkeys. Come on and let us fight"!

And boomkabumb. Horns clattered and hard donkeykicks from Elmers four legs landed between fucking goateyes. "MääääBääää and Ouhuoyhuuus", were heard in the gray stable and it was soon some sort of bloodbath, where one goat after the other gave up. At last there were only Che Goatvara and Elmer left. They stared at each other and scraped their hoofs. Both were prepared for the final countdown, when the Poet jumped up.

He had combed his Hitler-hair-do and painted a black moustache on his upper-lip and now he roared in perfect German. "Aber doch! Ich bin your fuhrer and now you have to stop this. I need you in my goattruppe. Vofvofvof...

Che and Elmer had to laugh and...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Me. Again! Happy new year to all of you!

the poet started to yodel." Do you guys know what day it is today", he asked.

"Nono", said Elmer, Helmer and Che, in chorus.

"It is New Years Eve and tomorrow it is not only a new day, it is also a new year. 2012"!

"Huh. Are you sure? 2012. A new year? Again?

"Yes, and I will recite a poem for you! My friend Alfred has helped me with the rhymes and it goes like this.

Ring out wild bells, to the wild sky.
The flying cloud, the frosty light,
The year is dying in the night,
Ring out, wild bells and let it die.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic stander and the spite,
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold,
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.


"Bravo, bravo", exclaimed the two donkeys. But Che was not that enthusiastic. "I don't like that poem. At all"! And he raised his voice and määääade.

"Määä! Ring out the capital,
Ring out the fundamental,
Ring out all donkey-fittler
Ring out that Poet-Hitler.
Pling, pling.

Ring in the gloats,
Ring in all goats,
Ring for full throats,
Ring wild bells for much more groats,
Ding dong.

"Uhubuuhu, enough of that shit, Che", said Elmer and scraped his hoofs. Again!

But Poet-Hitler came forward and said," Friends! Stop that hoofscraping and let us wish each other a very good and prosperous new year. And...

[AGAG]

Happy new year cycle! Sorry for the lateness. I've been too away.

And they hugged below a tree. Communist che with his red red blood and his leftist heart, elmer the neutral-liberal and of course the poet, an anarcho-individualist who loved self-enrichment. It was a monumental moment for love and understanding. They held hands and went to buy ice cream but it was night time so they couldn't see a thing.

"Did you know" asked the poet "That the night has a thousand eyes? And they watch us right now! Feel the stares!" Elmer started to feel them and he started to get agitated. He was not very sound and in the nights he sometimes cried silently, pressed against a stack of hay, because he feared the dark and thunders. He held hoofs tightly with che who was brave and free in his government regulated mindset. "Haha!" Che laughed "There's nothing to fear. You just hold my hoof. Fidel spoke to us in these words:

The night may have eyes
The night may have eyes

The night may be the place
for the last bastion of the spanish empire
that fought bravely against the indian man
yet couldn't kneel the spirit of fire

Don't stand still at the sight of the conquistador
He hides in the night, like a rude black knight
He will steal your gold and wheat
Because he is white and weak

The night may have eyes
Kiss the sea of sweet white cotton
and treasure the coffee of your land
as if it were the last flower button.

United goats will never be defeated
Rebel against the ugly barnlord:

Domestic ungulates of all countries, unite!!!"

Elmer spirit was renewed and the luring voice of che had gained another adept. Elmer was now a free spirit. He made a vote to wear red mittens only from now on. They arrived to the ice-cream store and upon noticing the unequal distribution of flavors, che said...

[AGAG]

"Let's fuck some dogs" said che in a very low voice. He was argentine so he had an insatiable lust and a monumental ego that attracted every sort of mammals, including a very big cow that screamed "Animal fucker" while mooing and crushing che's leg with a very sharp hoof... but then the heavens opened and a swirl of light came from the very hand of god, from which Stalin came down transmogrified as a pure unstained angel with a white coat and a very long beard that descended from a suspended Stalin-head in mid air. "Come to me, my sons. Come." said Stalin, midst an angel violin-sonata. Che and the others climbed the beard and soon they were inside stalin.

It was a palace and..

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

HUH

it was a Stalinpalace in grey commy-granite, where slaves, with broken hearts and minds, were working in Stalins sour stomachfluid, up to their ears.

"Help", said Elmer, Helmer and the Poet, "This is not a nice place. At all!

But Che was blissful. "At last, ooo, at last, I am in Stalins Palace. A dream has come thrue. Kalinka, Platinka, Stalinka Majue"...

"HUH, I want to get out of here. Come Elmer, take Helmer in his tail and let us run"

They did and Che stopped singing. "What? This is Stalin-heaven and you silly idiots can't appreciate it. But I will stay here and be a devoted slave".

"Oh, you do that", said the poet and climbed up the stomachchannel, with Elmer and Helmer in tow.

As soon as they came out between the dictators false teeth he (Stalin also ) started chewing and almost crushed them. The Poet got very angry.

"I am called the poet-Hitler and now I will pay you back for your old Stalingrad-cheese", he screamed.

And he took Elmers hoof and kicked out the false teeth one by one. Stalin spitted and spitted out tooth after tooth.

"What is happening to my porcelain-teeth of the best Siberia-quality. I had a whole bunch of them earlier and now they are all gone. My teeth, my teeth, my fucking porselain-teeth, and instead I have an Hitler-Poet and two stupid donkeys. Spit spit..."

Out the gang flew, and they fell on a cloud, that was in a storm out of Gods Russia. But, but...

[Krigo]

And then in Russia Thor the Thunder God appeared out of NOWHERE.



Guitars started playing and we were introduced to an amazing intro by a little known Swedish band called Zonata

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

What in Ragnarök is that for NOISE from Borås in Sweden?, said Thor and put his hands over his fucking ears.

"Huh, yes", said Sif his wife. "It was much better when the idiots played nose-flute in their caves and cried in fear, when you drove over the sky, with your seven reindeers, with red muzzles.

"Yes, those were the days, dear! Now I can drive back and forth a whole day, and they say it is high-energy-electricity. Electricity? They don't know what electricity is. But soon comes Ragnarök and they will taste other buns. Haha!

In anger smites the warden of Earth,
Forth from their homes must all men flee,
Nine paces fares the son of Fjorgyn,
And slain by the serpent fearless he sinks.

"Oh, Thor, I couldn't have said it better myself", flattered Sif. But what can this three creatures be"?

The poet came forward. "I am a poet from El Salvador and those two are my donkeyfriends, Elmer and Helmer".

"So welcome to Asgard and share our dinner tonight. Roasted pig, Särimner, with plum-wine-sauce"!(Nr 42)

Särimner, close by, looked sad. "Same proceedings every day. They hunt me, roast me and eat. Can you Poet, put an end to that"?

The poet made his best. "Hi there, Asagods", he said. "You would feel so much healthier if you were vegans and ate carrots and spinach instead. Your arteries wouldn't be so clogged with animal-fat and you could have a better life".

Thor was upset. "Better life, you say! With carrots and spinach. And no roasted Särimner? You must be deluded by some veganfreak. Out of my sight or I will use my corroded Mjölnir on you...

"But, but, I just wanted to...

Bumb Kabumb...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

So, I am trotting in my own steps, because I want to know what is happening there in Assgard...


"Bumbkabumb", said Thor. Again! And hold his hammer over the poets head. He (Thor also) was terrifying and the poet said a last goodbye to Elmer and Helmer.

But just when Thor started to flash with his fucking eyes, his wife Sif intervened.

"Nono, Thor, He is sweet ass a little doll. Don't electrify him. I don't like burned young poets".

Thor, that was a wifeobedient God, lowered his hammer and stopped the flash-uploading.

"Jaja, I am a little tired today, so I will not give away my energy on a little poet. I think by the way, that I know him from somewhere in Finland. He was with a freckled girl and I was angry at them, butt I can't remember why. So I let him live. Well well, where were we? Vegan are you?

"I feel so sorry for that pig, you eat every day", said the Poet, a little bolder now. "It must be tiresome for him".

"For us too", said Thor. "We are trying to spice him up, butt he tastes mostly the same. Maybe we should let also him live today, and eat the carrots of yours instead".

"Yes, yes", the Poet was eager. "I can make carrot-steaks with onion and beans". (Nr 67)

He did! And the Gods were sceptical. "Huuu", said Odin and his ravens kraxed. "Krax, krax! No Särimner, krax, krax. We don't eat carrots and we will die of hunger!"

Butt Särimner smiled and thanked the Poet, "It is so great to see the sun go down. At this time I usually am eaten and have started to rebuild my pigcells again".

The Gods ate the carrotsteaks, and the only one that liked them was Sif, since she wanted to lose some pounds. The others spitted in the bushes and looked longingly at the happy Särimner. Butt it was to late in the day, to start hunting and roasting, so they had to go to bed with empty stomachs.

During the night one could hear strange sounds from the Gods dormitory and it grew larger and larger. Soon it was deafening and everyone was awake.

It was the emptystomachsong full of gases that was sung and there were complains over colic. There were also mentioned carrots, onions and beans. The donkeys and the Poet understood, that they were in trouble and tried to sneak out. But then, bumbkabumb, a big exolosion was heard. It was...

[Hubble86]

Oh dear daughter! Exolosion? What on Earth is exolosion? And what happened in Assgard?

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

I thought never anyone would ask. It was NOT a misspelling! No! Exolosion from the Greek fire-God Exolon is something between explosion and implosion.


So there was a big exolosion. The roof of the building flew hundreds of meters.The whole Asgard trembled and everyone was shaken and stirred.

They soon figured out, that it was the two gay-Gods, Ull and Bull, that had eaten most of the Poets vegan-food, and with that built up a big amount of God-methane, that oxidized with ozone in a millisecond. It was called anexolation and when there was some friction at the outflow, that could give sparks, which was enough for the whole Bumbkabumb. Since there was an incredible amount of God-methane in the room, the exolosion this time was enormous.

The Gods ran around confused and bewildered. One minute they blamed the Poet. Next they spitted gall and disgust over the two gay-Gods "frictions".

The Poet and the donkeys stayed with Särimner. They were all unharmed, butt the Asgard gate was broken, so they just went out. They found the stairs to Earth and soon they were out of sight.

"Let us go to Finland", said the Poet."I have friends there".

So they did.

In Asgard they tried to repair the buildings and they were soon hungry. "We can hunt the pig early today", said Odin, and everyone agreed.

Butt, butt, where was the pig?

"Särimner, Särimner", they screamed.

Not a trace!

Catastrophe, catastrophe. No Särimner! How should they survive without their pig?

"I am going out and look for him", said Thor.

And with that, the worst thunderstorm the Earth ever experienced broke out. Bumbbumbbumbkabumbumbum...

[Hubble86]

This seems to be a family-Neverending, since everyone else is engaged in the birth of a guitarra-girl.


It was really a thunderstorm you could tell your grand-children about. Some said they had seen a very angry face up in the skies. Butt I thought that we were safe in the air-raid shelter three floors down under the Nokia-building in Helsinki.

The poet and his three friends, Elmer, Helmer and Särimner had come to me for help, and they told me what had happened in Asgard.

I understood that we soon would have a bunch of angry Asagods after us, so we hurried down to the cellar. There we could hear the thunderstorm coming.

"Oh, may, it is me he is after", said Särimner, "Butt I will never go back to that pigiliating life. I would rather stay in this cellar for the rest of my time. The Asagods are so non animal-rights ass anyone can be".

I suspected that Thor had roentgen-eyes and I wondered how our bumb-safe walls could withstand him. Butt soon we know, that he had seen us. He concentrated his flashings on the poor Nokia-building and our lightning-conductors were the first to go. The whole building was promptly electrified and we had to stand on our safe lead-plattes. The house was trembling from the high voltage and luckily all personel had left.

Then we heard his threatening dull voice.

"I will kill your friends, Särimner, if you not come with me. Can you have that on your pig-conscience? The old man, the two donkeys and the promising young poet, in exchange for an worn, everyday-eaten pig. Can you live happily with that, Särimner? And where would you go? Alone, Särimner? Always alone, since I will follow you and kill everyone you talk to.

Särimner wept. And we wept.

His situation was hopeless. He had glimpsed a life in freedom, but it was not for him. He had to go on in his gloomy destiny, as the walking pig-steak. (Nr 42)

"I love you all", he said, when he trotted out to Thor.

We were so sad ,and of course we wanted to help him, butt what could we do, against a whole congregation of Asa-gods with the dangerous Thor in the first line.

Huh, huh and huh...

[AGAG]

A family? What can I do to be in it? I can be the mulattonigger cousin. He shows up shamefully late at thanksgiving. But he always brings the Yucca sauce!

In the midst of a calm sadness that flowed in the room, the poet had a late idea and he ran outside to guard Sërimner in his arms, who was about to be picked by thor's lighting-fork. He ran with the crying pig in his hands, who was ready to be eaten once again. "Why are you doing this??" he cried "You will be killed! Toasted! and then grilled! Leave me, the gods need their pig"

But the poet kept running and running. "I will not leave a friend!" said the poet, while running "I will not sleep, thinking of my dear pig being chewed by some flamboyant blonde fag-god. I will save you. I have a plan!" He ran for 1 hour straight, evading thunders and arrows and nymphs who tried to lure him into warm flowerbeds but the poet was decided and he didn't give up.

They arrived at the ocean and hid inside a cave by the shore. It was raining. Thor had lost them. One could hear his stomach rumbling from the hunger. "Here we will be safe" said the poet "Thor won't go this far for the time being" Butt Sërimner was extremely worried, what about their other friends?? The reliable Helmer? The frisky Elmer? Had they been burned to death because of Thor's unquenchable hunger for red meats?

"haha! don't worry!" Said the poet "I have that covered. I gave them leftover invisibility pills that this wise man gave to me sometime earlier. His name was Hubble. He made pills, extremely good pills! Look! Elmer and Helmer, they escaped and they have just entered our safe-cave." Indeed, The two invisible friends could be seen because of the water they dripped. They entered and everyone hugged effusively. The poet made a fire and they roasted 70 carrots to make a veggie meal for the night. He said he had a plan for the next day.

Of course! The poet stayed all night building a canoe. When the dawn eyaculated a sun into the wavy morning skies, he woke up the three friends. "Quick quick! hop in" he told them "Let's hurry, Thor and his pantheon is asleep. We're moving out" The friends didn't ask questions and they hopped inside the perfectly built vessel. They sailed for 22 days, paddling with all their strength. Eating only tomatos and other tropical fruits the poet had, such as guayabas and mangos. Drinking only pee, as the poet taught them. And shitting only in the sea, never inside the boat. They arrived at an arid land on the morning of the 23rd day. "Welcome!" said the poet "This is El Salvador! My beautiful land"

They hurried through the old town and entered the tall poet's place with a very gentle view. They made a party immediatly inside the poet's place. A blue soul was wandering around and they invited her too. The soul told tales about a distant freckle-ridden place where she had come from. It was really fun. Everyone had vegetable-juice and soft cane-alcohol to drink. They ate only from a vast array of fruits that the poet loved and that surprised Helmer, Elmer and Särimner because of their exotic and wild taste. Their palates made love with the roof of their mouths as they gently chewed their nances, one after the other until it was really late... They fell asleep with a very full stomach and the blue wandering soul slept pressed against the poet.

Before dawn a very loud BRUM shook the grounds. It was raining and everything was flooding. The poet and his friends woke up and ran outside to see what it was all about. In the skies, Thor was really angry and still starving. He was looking for the poet's house. "Oh no!" cried Särimner "Let me go to him! That way he will leave you all alone! It is not worth it..."

But the poet recited an ancient prayer and soon they were transported into a wooden house hidden in the hills. An olive skinned young woman and two brothers were rambling inside, apparently very bored since no one ever visited them. "These are my friends" said the poet "She is Xchik and the brothers are Hunahpu and Xbalanqué. They will protect us from that Thor thug since they are really powerful and they have been in hell itself! Very good friends!"

Thor finally found them in the steep hill. He entered the house with a thunder and caught a glimpse of his pig that was hiding behind the poet. "Give that pig back!" He screamed "I will starve to DEATH! I will kill everyone... And WHO on EARTH are these three mulattos here?..."

Then...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

No Bumbkabumb?

"Those three mulattos are the wildest and most spiritual woodo-gods, there are on Haiti, and they use, needless to say, needles instead of rusty hammers. They have made two dolls, Thor and Sif, and if you feel some pain in your body, it is the mulattos twisting the needles", said the now rather cocky poet.

"Bump, bump", muttered Thor, "Butt, why are you putting needles in my wife. She saved your life, Poet and you ought to be kind to her",

"Jaja, they are not sticking her so hard. Yet! Butt she is our hostage and if you don't let Särimner be free, we will torment her horribly, and that is what mulattos do"!

"Huh what a nasty poet you are! Ajaj! My fucking stomach. Don't turn that needle when we are negotiating"!

"Do you remember, how you threatened Särimner? You said you should kill all his friends if he didn't come back to you and what we do to you now is only a little pay-back"!

"Butt, we will starve do death and Odin will be mad at me, if I come back without our pig. Vojne! Vojne! What can I do"?

"Sorry, Thor, butt this is your problem. I am only a poet from El Salvador that wants to save a friend. You are the mighty Asa-Thor"!

"Vojne, vojne! Again! We are doomed to eat those fucking carrots and beans, in roofless houses. Vojne, vojne! Bumbkabumb! How can I explain this to Odin and his ravens. Huh I am finished".

Qrrrr, qrrr. Thor got a SMS and he smiles.

"Bumbabumba! Our problems are solved. Odin messes me that they have made a Särimner two and three and with inherited garlic-flavour, in the flesh. It will be nr 67! Yumyum! So take out your needles Poet! I am going home and you can keep that damn pig".

Butt Särimner wasn't happy. Bumbkabumb...He...

[Arnold Layne]

And then, Karleinz Stockhausen kissed his girlfriend Mrs. Bauermeister. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! It is so funny. How we laugh. Here in Leeds...

Arnold Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Aber Arnold! Stop this slandering or I will sue you. It is called sexual harassment Arnold. Butt, I forgive you and I still love you Arnold.

I will write a poem and a sonata to you Arnold, butt now I must rush...

[GAGAGO]

Now this is not a story animore. Sharpening.

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

So write something! The poet has been our hero for a long time now. Butt here comes the change...


Särimner wept. Again! His life was a roller-couster and he was panic-stricken and had existential angst. Who was he? What direction should his life take now. Was he a pig or what? What was the meaning of everything? Freedom? To do what?

"Can you tell me, dear Poet, what I shall do with my new life? My inner bones are restless and it sort of bubbles in me. I think it is my cells that will be eaten", he said, and big-pig-tears fell down his chubby chopcheeks (With ordinary sour-sweet sauce and fried rice 4).

"Huh, said the Poet, "I hadn't taken in that side-effect in my calculation. Butt professor Öhubble can maybe help us. Again! He has all sorts of chemicals for everything".

Elmer and Helmer had enough of adventures, so they stayed in El Salvador, where the grass was ever-green. So Särimner and the Poet went to Helsinki alone. Again!.

Öhubble wasn't at all surprised. He had suspected a set-back for Särimner. The freedom was a bit sudden after all those years as every-day-steak (Nr43).

"Your cells are very easily affected and unic", said Öhubble. "Ass I see it you can be whatever you want. You are a slim and elegant pig, and I will suggest you to be a freckled girl with plaits, since I have access to just that sort of cells. My own daughter has agreed to help you".

"Oh, you mean Freckle", said Särimner, with a happy smile. "Jaja I would like that".

Öhubble had a whole bunch of bottles with different Freckle-cells and he started to inject them in Särimner.

And the process of changing the Asa-pig to a freckled plaitgirl started...Butt not with a bumbkabumb...No with a ...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

And then, Karleinz Stockhausen kissed his girlfriend Mrs. Bauermeister. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! It is so funny. How we laugh. Here in Leeds...

Arnold Layne

Butt Arnold! Challe does not pine after you any longer! At all! It was just something he said to silence you. The girlfriend Ms Bauermeister you saw, was me, since I now assist him in his Sonatawriting.

The most exceptional and favourable outcome of a dating, some girl can achieve, is to convert a solid gayguy to an eager guyguy. Haha...

[Hubble86]

Family-neverending! Again!

rather calm atmosphere and a bumbabumba-free affair if Särimner not had suffered from syringe-fobi-neurosis. So when he understood that Öhubble would use needles to inject the Freckle-cells he nöff-nöffed very, very loudly. And when Öhubble came closer, he (the pig also) became hysterical and panic-stricken. A bloodicing, not human, slaughterscream was heard just before he fell to the floor.

Was he dead? No, just stunned and restin, pinin for the fjords and Freckle gave him the kiss of life. In the same minute the door flew open, and in stormed Pekka Fucking Nurmi, alien and allergic to sushi.

"What is she doing?" he roared. "Kissing a pig? Blääää bläää".

"So, so", said Öhubble". She is evokeing him to life":

"Pffff,that can I fix", said Pekka, and screamed in the poor pigs fucking ear, "Up, up, your damn prehistorical swine".

"Huh, nöff,nöff,nöff". Särimner stared at the wild alien. Then he took a big leap to the window and out and since they were at the eleventh floor, everyone thought that he would go to a certain death. Butt gosh! Suddenly there were growing big white wings on him and he flew like an eagle, a pig-eagle, straight into the golden sunset.

"Huh", said Pekka, "There flew that problem away. He could never have been a good Freckle2 anyway. Butt sinc you have all those cells ready, you can inject them in me. I have the same universal cells as Särimner and I would like to be a girl for a change".

Pekka as Freckle2? Öhubble wasn't sure it was such a good idea, butt Pekka wouldn't take no for an answer, so he (Öhubble also) started the process.

Syringe, by syringe, were stuck in Pekkas alien-yellow body and the new cells started to work rapidly. His hair grew, butt, butt huuuuh, only on the left side of his head. He got freckles, butt again, only on the left side.

Huh, he was half Freckle, half Pekka, and he looked inconceivably scary. Öhubble was chocked. What had he done? A monster? Vojne, vojne!

AND WHAT WOULD THIS MAN-WOMAN-MONSTER DO, WHEN HE-SHE REALIZED WHAT HE HAD BECOME?

VOJNE, VOJNE...

[J.S. Bach]

What about a German neverending? Also, who the HELL is "Pekka"?

The new freckled Pekka was endearing and lovely and proved to be harmless in no time. His freckled half dimmed his bad impulses and he now was on his way of becoming a productive androgynous member of society. He got a job as a newspaper delivery girl and Hubble was extremely proud of him. Freckle1 was friends with him/er and they played in the park all day long exploring the grass and talking to ants, they went there every tuesday since no one read newspapers on tuesdays and Frekklepekka had the day off.

They played for a long time in the swings and they laughed while chasing each other. After a while little pekka2 fell on the sandbox and big freckle1 followed. They were exhausted and they both had inhaled a considerable amount of sand specks so they rested lying on the sand, watching the clouds that rolled around. There was no one else in the park and the wind was the only witness of what happened next. A brumrum noise came from beneath the ground and the sand started to become agitated. The two girls noticed the shaking of the soil but it was too late, soon they sunk and the sand devoured them in one swallow Around the sandbox were two ants inconsiderate of the two frisky girls that had just been swallowed by an unforgiving square of grainy star-dust.

The two boy/girl and girl were on a labyrinthic digestive system that kept pushing them into progressively slimmer tunnels. They saw many beautiful things. A butterfly made of light, a lion made of shadow. A mammoth eating clocks on a tin-farm. Many mirrors and innumerable ink stalactites. The place looked ancient and had old hand paintings of bisons and ostriches being chased by the first gods that inhabited earth. They saw everything through the sand and after some hours they were excreted from the narrower ending, shaped as two beautiful Lapwings (vanellus vanellus). Freckle1 had freckles in her beak and blue feathers. Pekkafreckl was bi-colored, blue and yellow and had just one big freckle on his bird nose that looked like a pimple. The land they were looked strangely familiar.

"Nomnomnom" said the sand, on the other side "Two girls for lunch, what a great day is tuesday. Can you believe it Paco? Two girls! Hear that?" Paco, the red ant, was busy carrying an apple heart to the top of a tree. "Yes yes" answered Pedro "Really bonito indeed. One of those girls was weird looking. She had some sort of facial disfigurations, might aswell get some pastillas for you in case you feel funny in the stomach!" The sand was boisterous "Haha Nonsense!" he answered "these ones are going straight to the sun-cabinet. They are going to travel far by the moon-fish aquarium into the lonely steeps of bottle-land. haha! nom" And the park remained really quiet, only lulled by sparse gusts of wind.

Hubble started looking for them at night, since they never returned home. He looked everywhere and called the ambulances. The next day he decided to search inside the park, he was really worried about her daughter and grand-son. He found pekka's flip-flops next to the sandbox.

"Hello" said the evil sand "I may have something you are searching for"...

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Just what ,Neverending needs! A german touch and a German bloodtransfusion!

"Your Daughter? Yes I have a freckled plaitgirl but some grandchild I haven't seen. Are you sure you got one or are you a bit senile mister? I have an unruly and androgyneous shape here too, and he looks very strange. Those two have been very unfriendly to our sand-fleas, ants and Vanellus Vanellus".

"Hrm", said Öhubble,"Do you have them captured here now"?

"Yes I have, they are in my sand-castle on the beach here and in my harem. I have big plans for them".

"Butt, I can't let you have plans for my daughter, mr Evil Sand. And the androgyny monster isn't someone you play with. He is a really dangerous alien and I know that his friends are looking for him. You will have bigbig problems if you keep them here"!

"Hrmhrm, is that so? Butt now they are my prisoners and I am king Evil Sand, the First"!

Ass if someone had heard him, there suddenly came a strong wind from the sea. It swept searchingly over the beach and when it saw king Evil Sand it stopped abruptly.

"Brusch, brusch...Do you happen to have one and one half freckled person here"? The wind wispered with a whiny voice. I am Eol Tyfon and I am here to collect the half-Freckle, our general-commander, Pekka Fucking Nurmi".

"PFFFF, I am king Evil Sand, the first and those two are in my harem and will stay there. Pffff"!

"Butt Evil Sand. You must understand that I am Eol Tyfon King over all storms and I will now blow you, Evil Sand, and your castle built of loose sand, to the end of the world.

And now Eol Tyfon lifted Evil Sand and his castle up, up, in the sky and a big sand-cloud whirled rotatingly and rapidly out over the water. Left on the beach stood Freckle and Pekka clinging to each other.

"Thank you Eol", said Pekka." You saved us from a life in degradation, in Evil Sands harem"!

Butt, butt, out over the blue sea, they could see something dark and big coming closer and closer. It was Evil Sand that had collected his atoms and molecules to a hideous sandbody.

King Evil Sand had come to take back his kingdom...

[GAGAGO]

Not so smart to involve germans in the story.

[AGAG]

Horrible germans.

Mr Sand stopped and reflected. Was his kingdom really worth it? It was true, his box was pretty and even rhomboidal in some pretty sense. He even got to eat some frisky short-skirted girl from time to time and they were delicious of course! But was life really just that for a being of sand? What about beauty? What about hugs from other fellow minerals? He stopped and looked at the poor old man he was about to crush. Eonol, the bearded wind-man. He searched in his heart and found a grain of salt. This grain made him evil and he knew it all the time. He was just scared to become Mr Good Sand because of all the wearisome implications. Sand was no longer salty and Mr Evil could finally smile again and remove the specks from his dusty eyes..

Pekka shivered and hugged freckle with all his heart. He only could think and dream of the mighty horizons of his ship, to repel all that fright. He might never visit another beach in his life once again. But he saw as the sand smirked and turned around. "Have a nice life" screamed mr Good "I'll go to Spain and learn how to paint. You can keep your wind, it's not worth it." Pekka had never been so relieved. He promised to the sky he would sacrifice a goat.

Eonol gave the boys a ride. They mounted on a drizzle-cloud and they sailed into the horizon towards hubble. He was coincidentally on a Buddha trip on the mighy goat-mountain for a deep inventor-pilgrimage. He was in fact, in the middle of a ritual where he was the arrow-shooter, he shooted three arrows and one landed on the King's rusty crosier. "Ouch! Watch that my german fellow. There's wind, what is this all about? Gautama said there will be no wind on today's daily letter. What the fuck?"

"No fucks" answered freckle "We just come to visit. Maybe this is not an appropriate moment but little pekka was dying to see his grandpa." The arrows were still shooting and one, the third, that had went loose from Hubble's hand started to dance in the air. Spinning around like a drunken leaf. The other arrows followed the other and now they chased each other carelessly in the pure air of the mountains. They crashed and then they started once again, by themselves. Everyone just watched them with no direct participation. The Buddha-king was upset. "This shit happens when impure people come with no veils." Said he "In this sacred place, any little lascivious imagery can excite inert matter onto lust and frenzy. Watch these two children, Hubble, aren't they fucking provocative?"

"They are indeed" Said hubble "But what can we do. They had good intentions. The arrows just want to play. Let them play! Butt, come children. I will show you this place. There's a waterfall nearby"

But, when they were heading down the mountaintop, two arrows pierced the King's butt and penetrated a remarkable depth. He screamed and cursed because he had special permission from Gautama to curse all he wanted. The arrows had gone mad and now they sought after everyone's butt. "Watch out children! Watch the butts" Screamed hubble.

They...