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[Stratowarius]

Chatt between Pekka and Commander Strutt!

PFN: What are you up to now? Was it some show you had over London yesterday? Or is something wrong with your invisibleshield?

Strutt: No. Haha! It was a mistake of my secondman Shörby. He is rather new and I was asleep. He was very embarrassed, but I think it was rather fun. London needs some wakening! Haha. Soon there will be other things there. Haha.

PFN: Jaja. Shit happens!The eartlings are confused anyway. They have found a new shitsausage to take care of. They say it is something from the Big Bang. Again! Haha. But as usual it is one of our latrinrests waltzing around.

Strutt: Is must be the one we call "Waltzing Matilda", since it probably will rain its shit over Australia? And a "dangerous" one in the serie Potentially Hazardous Asteroids PHA? P-ha Pha Pha Pahahah....

[Nurmi]

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Jaja! Here you can laugh. You are welcome!

[Stratowarius]

Mail from Pekka Fucking to commander Strutt.

PFFF! Now they are after us in Argentina of all places. A commission, with a captain Mariano Mohaupt, has as a goal to find scientific and technical explanations, to those aerospace phenomena, that lately have been observed, but not identified.

I have told you this before and I will now tell you AGAIN! You must stop the sloppiness and use your damn shield. ALWAYS! This will not DO! If I had known how to make RED letters, you can be sure there had been such ones HERE. CAPISCE!

And I think you ought to remember that you are only commander over that lousy ship and I am GENERAL-COMMANDER over the whole ENTERPRICE-ORGANIZATION. Do I need to say CAPISCE again? Don't think so. Or?

Generalcommander Pekka Nurmi.

[Nurmi]

Now i am a fan of my namesake! Whwre can i meet him?

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Look at the moon! Sometimes he goes there and sings for his lost goats, that have run to the black side or are moondead...

[AAAAAAAAAA]

While you're there, leave this wilted rose by the forsaken moonrockbed...

[Nurmi]

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

While you're there, leave this wilted rose by the forsaken moonrockbed...

And what can the matter be this time? Huh I fear the worst...Buuu

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

I am an brutal Pretender, oooo,

That took a girl to the moon, oooo

But just when she swooned,

I pricked her balloon.

And from honey there wasn't a spoon.

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!


You said your love has drowned,
Because I weigh 400 pounds
But I don't really care,
Because of your finger hair,
And your dialup-modem sounds

Now you're in the NeverendingStoryThread,
Which I tried to read until my eyes bled,
Butt, by the size of my hind,
I'm too far behind,
And i'll never catch up, I dread.

A. Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Aberaber Arnold-Puttie!Don't overstrain yourself, dear, with that Neverendingstory. Think of your eyes, Arnold, your fucking eyes. That story is not for big boys, like you and me, Arnold!

And why are you writing poems to a stupid girl, ARNOLD? And sending them to that Seattlebaker. You know that he no longer bakes for us, since his muffins had to much proteinanimalfatsugar, Arnold! We are on some diet Arnold and we love that you lost all those pounds, Arnold. But don't start thinking of stupid, neverending GIRLS Arnold! Remember who grills all your steaks. ARNOLD.
Yes, just your own Heinzy-Penzy...

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!

"HUH"! I cried, when I read your post,
Promising me large portions of steak and roast,
But why criticize the muffin-baker,
Instead of Igor- his brown box-breaker?

He was living like a king, and then,
Igor came and smashed his den,
All because he said Ukraine is weak,
When he should have turned the other cheek

To rebuild his home, I would give a thousand pies,
Because the wreck hurts my eyes- my fucking eyes!
And though its come to be a bit of a fad,
Muffins with onions aren't even half bad!

A. Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Fax from me, to Arnold, even if he sits in his room here and are sulking in English, because I didn't give him more than four beer, to his damn steak this afternoon.

You can complain as often you want,
I will not order muffins, from that croissont,
He had some affair, with Igor the skunk,
And everyone knows, that Igor was drunk,
When he put some shit, in the plunk,
That the baker in Seattle had under his bunk,
Among ugly birds and some other flunk,
No my dear Arnold, hear what I say,
You have to stay with me, so you every day,
Can have my love and grilled big steaks,
The seattle-muffins are only for Ukraina-freaks...

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!

I have pain in a tender area,
That puts me into total hysteria,
The nights drag on, the days are tough,
So why should four beers be enough?

There is no relief to my pain,
And the stress leads to more weight gain
I can't even suppress it with ice,
So why, do you say, four beers should suffice?

Every man in Leeds concedes,
That I have very high alcohol needs...
You can't even imagine this grief of mine
How can you claim- just 4 beers are fine?

This state of sickness is quite unheard,
Like the cry of the majestic ugly bird,
But that of course is a different tale,
And now lets return to hearing me wail.

The pain is so great it grips my bones,
And is like a beating with ten thousand stones,
So- on account of the size of my ass,
You won't pour me one more glass?

Of course, this discomfort that I despise,
Lies in my eyes- my fucking eyes!
So if there's beer left to pour,
Then please, give me just one more...

A. Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Arnold, AAARNOLD, Time to get up! Coffee on the table! And try to do SOMETHING today, except EATING. HUHHUHHUHHHH I will here write you a little morningpoem, ARNOLD! No, don't fall asleep again...
It's about our little quarrel yesterday. Maybe you can have some more beer today. If you are a nice boy, ARNOLD. Nooo...

Why on Earth have you pain in your ass?
If not, from producing all that monoxide gas,
And we don't need some magnifying glass,
To find all your gravitational mass.

But to think it would help with more beer,
Haha, to that thouoght, I must sneer,
And it's not how we do it here,
In Germany we will persevere,
With WATER, so we can stay clear.

And with that we have talked enough,
Of your need of drinking-stuff,
And if you not stop that gruff,
You will return to Leeds in a MUFF...
Wuff, wuff, wuff, wuff...

[AAAAAAAAAA]

Very funny my friend. I just received a new fax from Arnold, but its time for bed and you'll need to wait until the morning. MY morning.

I will tell you this much- he is not pleased with your water suggestion. Not pleased at all... :nervous:

[Stratowarius]

Mail from the Generalcommander to Strutt...

I hope you have observed that several key significant alignments play a major role on this day, when Saturnus-Mercury-Venus + Venus-Sun-Pluto + Mars-Sun-Mercury + Mars-Jupiter-Uranus are collaborating. These significant alignments could produce a larger earthquake somewhere on date July 18 or could trigger a major solar event, July 19 or 20. So you have to be prepared and be careful out there, Strutt.

Generalcommander Pekka Nurmi.

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!

You are alarmed by the size and sag of my sides,
And you say that that the weight of my ass caused the tides,
And you say, with the gas that my arse generates,
You could drive across the United States

Perhaps I will be happier back in Leeds,
Where people carefully tend to my needs,
So lets raise our glasses and say "cheers",
Because dogs drink water, and men drinks beers

As an ass-ide, not to add anymore tension,
I would like to casually mention,
That that the bagel you served me this afternoon,
Did not have enough creamcheese on the spoon.

Arnold Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Aber doch, Arnold! Can we please, talk fucking eye to eye, Arnold, and not communicate via fax to a Seattle-baker!

You accuse me of this and that, but I have done my best at the grill and in the kitchen. If that isn't enough, Arnold, my resources are discarded. So here is maybe my good-bye-poem to you, dear Arnold!

You are an unsettled fatty,
And you can make gas, for the whole Cincinnatty,
Your hips are a bit ratty,
But your buttcheeks we can call pretty.

You think more of steaks, than of sex,
And you eat like a Tyrannous Rex,
Somthing that makes me a little complex,
Is when you my sexinvites reject,
And call me a German, composer-Hex.

You are perpetually at a la cart,
And I don't know when you start,
But you refuse to take part,
And even piss on my art,
When you not as a Saxophon fart.

And now, you will move back to Leeds,
OK,I say if this fills your needs,
With the steaks and Viking meads,
And to that the English weeds,
That I, as a German not breeds.


But Arnold! If you don't dare to tell me, in my fucking eyes what you want, Arnold. Fax by all means to that muffinbaker in Seattle so he can enlighten me. But Warum Arnold? Warum?

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!

I took a stroll last night in Leeds,
Near the shrubs and trees and tumbleweeds,
A man approached me, looking shoddy,
With something hanging from his body

I soon received a confession,
That this dangling possession,
Wasn't a gun, a knife, or something wild,
But in fact- an unborn child!

I soon saw through the disguise,
I stared into STINKY's fucking eyes,
He gently took me to the side,
And began chewing something fried

Once he finished a snack or too,
He told me I might be pregnant too,
I told him of my stomach aches,
That could only be cured with grilled steaks

He said, I can read between the lines,
And I can clearly see the signs,
You're going to have a baby boy,
And by the way, Illinois

Illinois, and not Cincinnatty,
Could be supplied gas by this fatty,
To correct Karlheinz' careless mistake,
And you can't spell mistake without....steak

So now that you know I'm pregnant, maybe,
You'll grill me a treat- just think of the baby.

Arnold Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Oh what a happy poem, Arnold!

Oh, Arnold, I am speechless, Arnold, a BABY,
Dare I believe you, or is it a maybe,
That Stinky, will I not alltogether believe,
Since he so often, with lies us deceive.

Oh Arnold,if it is true, my dearest dear,
You can be sure I will drop some tear,
Of happiness and do not fear,
You will have your four bear,
And even more, when in delivery-veer.

Oh Arnold, you have made me so very pleased,
I thought your big stomach was a sign of fatness-disease,
And a baby was the last thing I thought could be sneezed,
And out of theat big belly be squeeced.

Oh Arnold I will proudly say hurray,
For you my dear boy, now made in that way,
By me Challeheinze when we rolled in the hay,
And maybe it was under some bed on Thanksgiving day.

[Arnold D. Layne]

Oh what a happy poem, Arnold!

Oh, Arnold, I am speechless, Arnold, a BABY,
Dare I believe you, or is it a maybe,
That Stinky, will I not alltogether believe,
Since he so often, with lies us deceived.

Oh Arnold,if it is true, my dearest dear,
You can be sure I will drop some tear,
Of happiness and do not fear,
You will have your four bear,
And even more, when in delivery-veer.

Oh Arnold, you have made me so very pleased,
I thought your big stomach was a sign of fatness-disease,
And a baby was the last thing I thought could be sneezed,
And out of theat big belly be squeeced.

Oh Arnold I will proudly say hurray,
For you my dear boy, now made in that way,
By me Challe-heinze when we rolled in the hay,
And maybe it was under some bed on Thanksgiving day.

awww THank YoU!!!

Arnold D. Layne

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!

There is another man in my life.
HUH! Did you think I was your faithful wife?
The bag of lies which you have heard,
Have been stuffed fuller than an ugly bird,
Are you broken, or are you glad...
To find that you are NOT the dad?

Is it even possible to get to my size,
On just YOUR steaks and paltry fries?
He must be a priest, for I can see,
Figures of Jesus in his caramel candy,
You have been a splendid lover,
But you're simply NOT the father

The other made me gravy simmered from goose,
That I slurped every morning like it was grape juice,
He fed me cakes, cookies, and pies,
As he stared into my fucking eyes!
I realize this news may be errant,
But you just are NOT a parent

With my body as wide as the Berlin wall,
And my stomach- the size of a medicine ball,
I lie here, moaning as I ache,
Pleading for another steak...
Now it is all been said and done,
My little boy is NOT your son

Arnold Layne

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Aber, aber Arnold from Leeds!


I have heard enough,
You are a ruff Ruff,
a bigbig Gluff Gluff,
A marshmallow Fluff,
A trouser Cuff,
Creater of bluff,
So Arnold I give you a Scuff,
Out of my life, you now will puff,
on your big fat ButtBuff...


Goodbye Arnold from Leeds, you are far from indispensable...pregnant or not pregnant. PPFFFFF

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Jaja!

One of the worlds greatest composer,

A collector of pegs and big trouser,

He was happy and gay,

Untill that day,

His lover got pregnant with a louser


That day our German composer,

Said to the faithless discourser,

I have got enough,

Of your gluffgluffwuff,

You have five minutes to be a Vapouroser...

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Jaja...

Arnold Layne is a pregnant pretender,

He will not tell us his sons, fathers name,

For Challeheinze, with all his fame,

Is this a big shame,

To have lost a son, and his love for the mame,

In this bizarre and promiscuous game...

[AAAAAAAAAA]

FAX FROM A. LAYNE!

Why do I write through the muffin-man,
If he didn't win my heart with his frying pan?
His skillet and grill are his weapons of war,
And with his keg of beer, I can have more than four.

I would hug him for sausage, I would kiss him for bacon,
He would feed me with grease until my heart was taken,
Under the bed, we cuddled nonstop,
But surely you realized, there was someone on top?

How I miss you, Karlheinz, so loving and witty,
(Do you really find my buttcheeks pretty?)
I think of you more than a duck says "QUACK",
And I beg of you, to take me back...

Arnold Layne

PS: I just ate a food-stamp

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Aber AAArnoold! The time of rhymes is over and we must talk in prose, since you seem to NOT understand, that I am NOT going to take care of you and the son of a muffinbaker from US. CAPISCE! (I can still not make red letters. Otherwise I would have used them here.)
Well! Arnold you have deceived me in more than one aspect. You pretended that you loved me and you promised to be faithful to me, in the ceremony at the Burgermeisters office, in Mödrath. And all the time you were pregnant with that BAKER. PFFFF!
Arnold! You can quack all day, but my door is closed and I will tell everyone that has a soft spot for that baker, that he isn't even a Bi. He is like us
Arnold.



Good luck Arnold with the BAKER and your son, conceived among ugly birds and onion-muffins, as a
Thanksgiving-gift. PFFFF! Again Arnold!


Edit; That "someone on top", could hardly be you, Arnold. It would have killed your Thanksgiving-partner, Arnold! HUH!

[AAAAAAAAAA]

I am writing to inform you that Arnold Layne has attempted suicide. He hung himself from a tree with a sausage link. Needless to say,the tree was uprooted and Arnold fell flat on his back. He then proceeded to eat the sausage and choked nearly to death. He is currently in critical condition at Excessa Medical Center. There is a lot at steak...