Exclusive Interview with "Flavio Ontivero"
Posted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 12:01 am
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this very special interview. This time my special guest is the venerable Flavio Ontivero, creator of the prestigious "Tribute to Stratovarius", "Heaven" and "Hell" editions. Please give him a big round of applause!!
Thank you all and please join me next week in yet another episode. This time, featuring Flavio's brother, Giuseppe Ontivero.AAAAAAAAAA: Flavio, you have put in hundreds of hours of work into your cover album, and it has resulted in tens of Youtube views- or at least, clicks. How do you feel about this unexpected success?
FLAVIO ONTIVERO: Thank you, friend. The dramatic success of my cover album has made me a much humbler man. Really! You should have seen how I was before.
AAAAAAAAAA: Jaja, I can imagine. Flavio- as a young, hip, artist you are signed to the youth-oriented, tech-savvy record label known as ThePirateBay. And your work is being distributed via BitTorrent clients everywhere. How are you spending your new found wealth?
FLAVIO ONTIVERO: Two words. Dual channel memory. I am working on an ambitious new project, to create a 48 hour-long song in just 24 hours. Because this important artistic concept defies the laws of space and time, it will require massive copy-pasting. This of course requires large amounts of buffer space. I will draw you the timing diagrams and circuit schematics necessary to realize my glorious artistic concept after this interview.
AAAAAAAAAA: Flavio, rumors are flying that you are dating my dear friend Arnold Layne's sister, Goal Stockhausen, who has fled to Argentina on an impulse- perhaps while at the peak of her menstrual cycle. Is there any truth to this wild myth?
FLAVIO ONTIVERO: Oh, you mean the fatty? Yes, his sister is here with me. Do you want to know the secret to a woman's heart? Elvis covers. My voice can make a woman do anything. Goal was ready to follow me to the edge of the earth once I promised to stop singing.
AAAAAAAAAA: Dear Flavio- you are not without your detractors. Some have called you a poor musician. And others have accused those people of lying- claiming you are not a musician at all. I personally am of the opinion that you are an Artificial Intelligence experiment, running on a high-speed computing cluster in Palo Alto. So which is it?
FLAVIO ONTIVERO: ...
AAAAAAAAAA: Flavio, you recently collaborated with WarrenCurryMetal. Was there any sensible reason to drag him into this mess?
FLAVIO ONTIVERO: !!!
AAAAAAAAAA: Flavio, you recently claimed to have a "rare voice". Well, at least we both agree your singing is not "well-done", jaja. Can you elaborate?
FLAVIO ONTIVERO: What!?!?
AAAAAAAAAA: Flavio, some have criticized your command of English. Have you ever considered singing in a language you know?
At this point, Flavio walked out of the interview- mumbling what appeared to be the lyrics of "I Walk to My Own Song".