A metal fairytale

[Shurik]

The premise - there's a damsel in distress, guarded by a dragon. The end is different, according to the metalhead involved (translated from hebrew):

Power metal - the hero comes riding a white unicorn, runs from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love with her at the enchanted forest.

Thrash metal - the hero comes, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

Heavy metal - the hero comes riding a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, dronks a few beers and fucks a princess.

Folk metal - the hero comes with lots of friends who play accordeon, flute, fiddle and lots of other instruments, dragon falls asleep (from all that dancing, probably) and then everyone leaves, without the princess.

Viking metal - the hero comes in mighty ship, kills the dragon with the mighty axe, cooks and eats him, rapes the princess to death, loots and burns the castle.

Death metal - the hero comes, kills the dragon, fucks the princess, kills her and then leaves.

Black metal - the hero comes at midnight, kills the dragon and impales him in front of the castle, then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood at the pagan ceremony before he kills her, then he impales the non-virgin princess.

Gore metal - the hero comes, kills the dragon, throws away his intestines before the princess' eyes, fucks the princess, kills her, then he fucks her corpse, cuts her stomach open and eats her guts, then he fucks the corpse again, burns it and then fucks it again.

Doom metal - the hero comes, sees how big the dragon is, becomes sad and depressed and kills himself. The dragon eats him and the princess. A sad ending to the sad story ...

Progressive metal - the hero comes and plays 26-minute long solo, the dragon kills himself because of boredom. Then the hero comes into the princess' bedroom, plays all the solos and the cool licks he learned last year at the conservatorium, then the princess runs away from him to seek for heavy metal hero.

Glam metal - the hero comes, the dragon laughs at how he looks and lets him in, the hero steals the princess' makeup and paints the castle with various shades of pink.

Grind metal - the hero comes, screams something totally unexpected for smth like 2 minuts and runs away.

Orphaned Land - the hero comes, reads to the dragon from the Bible, dragon converts to Judaism and goes to pray. The hero saves the princess, marries her and then she dies.

Technical metal - the hero comes, plays something so difficult that he confuses himself, kills the proncess and fucks the dragon.

Nu metal - the hero comes in Honda Civic and tries to fight the dragon but burns to death when his pants catch fire.

Speed metal - theherocomesandrunsawayfromthedragonthensavestheprincessandrunsaway.

Sludge metal - the ........... hero ........ comes ........ really slowwwwwwww ....... looks at the dragon ........ then .... really slowwwwwww ...... he takes out his gun ........ and runs ........ to the sunset ............

Emo-core - the hero doesn't come, he fell in love with the princess and now he cries in his room, full of Blink 182 poseters while the princess fucks with the dragon.

Opeth - the hero comes with rage, storming the dragon, then he suddenly stops and starts to cry. The dragon looks at him, shocked but the hero then succumbs to rage again, kills the dragon and storms the princess' bedroom. There he suddenly becomes melancholic because of all life's hardships and the princess tries to comfort him. While the princess comforts him, the hero succumbs to rage once again and kills the princess, then he understands what he did, and cries all the way to Sweden.

Rap metal - the hero comes, fights the dragon, fights the princess, fights the authority, fights the system, fights the castle and then leaves in his Mersedes.

Electro metal - the hero comes in tight latex clothes, dragons spanks him, captured by the princess and then raped by her and by the dragon.

Mayhem - the hero comes - everyone is already dead.

[Stealth]

I have the same in Spanish. Someone sent it to me a long time ago.

[Shurik]

Maybe someone has it in english, so I can see how much my english sucks?

[Twilight Legionnaire]

There are many version, I've read a couple in portuguese, and this one has a few new ones that are a big laugh

[Shurik]

Well, if something is missing from this version, please feel free to add

[stratoplayer]

that is excellent, if anyone has the original (spanish and/or english) please send it to me
migmor88@gmail.com

[Equinox]

I've seen this soo many times...but still is funny as hell....

Thumbs up.

[Static_J]

Haha, that's what i've missed, all the metal jokes that are posted on metal forums.

This is new to me and some of them actually had me laughing out loud. Especially the speed metal and emo one haha.

}:-)>

[Stealth]

that is excellent, if anyone has the original (spanish and/or english) please send it to me
migmor88@gmail.com

Well, here you have the Spanish version:

"En lo alto de un castillo, hay una linda princesa, que es custodiada por un terrible y gigante dragón", así se abordaría esa situación según cada estilo:

POWER METAL
El protagonista llega al castillo en un caballo blanco alado, escapa del dragón, salva a la princesa, se van lejos y hacen el amor.

TRUE METAL
El protagonista llega al castillo y vence al dragón en una batalla utilizando su espada. Bañado en la sangre del dragón, lo hace con la princesa.

THRASH METAL
El protagonista llega la castillo, pelea con el dragón, salva a la princesa y se la tira.

HEAVY METAL
El protagonista llega al castillo en una Harley Davidson, mata al dragón, se toma unas chelas con la princesa y después lo hacen.

FOLK METAL
El protagonista llega con varios amigos tocando el acordeón, alaude, violín, y otros instrumentos extraños. El dragón se queda dormido de tanto danzar, y luego se van... sin la princesa.

VIKING METAL
El protagonista llega en un navío, mata al dragón con un hacha, lo cocina y se lo come. Viola a la princesa, saquea el castillo y le prende fuego a todo antes de irse.

DEATH METAL
El protagonista llega, mata al dragón, se tira a la princesa, la mata y se va.

BLACK METAL
Llega de madrugada, en medio de la neblina, mata al dragón y lo empala frente al castillo. Sodomiza a la princesa, la corta con una daga y bebe su sangre en un ritual antes de matarla. Después descubre que ella no era virgen y la empala junto al dragón.

GORE METAL
Llega, mata al dragón. Sube al castillo, se tira a la princesa y la mata. Después se la vuelve a tirar. Quema el cuerpo de la princesa y se la tira de nuevo.

DOOM METAL
Llega al castillo, ve el tamaño del dragón, se deprime y se suicida. El dragón se come el cadáver del protagomista y después se come a la princesa.

NU
Llega al castillo y se jacta de lo bueno que es peleando y de que es capaz de ganarle al dragón. Pierde miserablemente y queda hecho m****a. Huye y encuentra a la princesa, le cuenta su trágica infancia. La princesa lo cachetea y se va a buscar al protagonista de "Heavy Metal". El protagonista "Nu" se toma un prozak y se va a grabar un disco de "The best of".

ROCK N'ROLL CLÁSICO
Llega en una moto fumándose un troncho y se lo ofrece al dragón, que resultó que era su amigo. Luego acampa con la princesa en la parte más apartada del jardín, y después de mucho sexo, drogas y
rock n' roll, tiene una sobredosis de LSD y muere ahogado en su propio vómito.

PUNK
Le tira una piedra al dragón y huye. Pinta la "A" de anarquía en un muro del castillo. Le hace un peinado tipo "mohicano" a la princesa y abre un kiosko de fanzines en el pasadizo del castillo.

PROGRESIVO
Llega, toca un solo virtuoso de guitarra de 26 minutos. El dragón se muere de tanto tedio. Llega donde la princesa y toca otro solo explorando todas las técnicas de tonos y compases aprendidas en el ùltimo año en el conservatorio. La princesa huye buscando al protagonista de "Heavy Metal".

HARD ROCK
Llega al castillo en un convertible rojo, acompañado de dos rubias pechugonas y tomándose una botella de Jack Daniels. Mata al dragón con un cuchillo y luego hace una orgía con las rubias y la princesa.

GLAM
Llega al castillo. El dragón se ríe tanto al verlo que lo deja pasar. Entra al castillo, se roba la laca y el lapiz labial de la princesa. Luego convence al dragón de pintar el castillo de rosado y hacerse unos rayitos.

[Electric Eye]

thanx Stealth, it is very useful

deja-vu? http://www.stratovarius.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5979

[Stealth]

thanx Stealth, it is very useful

I know, I know. I just put it here by request.

[stratoplayer]

thanks Stealth it rocked! (happy for having a request fulfilled promptly )

[Stealth]

thanks Stealth it rocked! (happy for having a request fulfilled promptly )

I'm glad I was useful for something

[htcdude]

Hahaha man that had me in stitches! People have too much time on there hands to do these things!

[StratoFactor]

Metal Fairytales rule! I laughed in my head so I wouldn't seem crazy in other library users eyes that seek to kill someone who has a one hour time to a good computer :shud:

[K.Mage101]

Gore metal - the hero comes, kills the dragon, throws away his intestines before the princess' eyes, fucks the princess, kills her, then he fucks her corpse, cuts her stomach open and eats her guts, then he fucks the corpse again, burns it and then fucks it again


HAHAHAHAHA!!! :rotflmao1: :crazy2: Jesus, never laughed that hard haha