Stratovarius Community

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi, I am looking for someone who can help me with my spy mission, I need to learn more about a typical 15 year old girl for the mission
You: Well, I can certainly help with that
Stranger: you can?
You: I have about three of them chained up in the basement with me
Stranger: really?
You: one of them swears its her birthday, and I need to let her go
You: but she doesn't have her birth certificate on her, so I can't be sure
You: What would you like to know
Stranger: I need to know what singer's/bands are populer with 15 year old girl's and movies too, well anything populer with that age and gender
Stranger: and I dont just need stuff like "lady gaga" I need lots of info
You: Well, one of them has been down here for quite some time, so she really doesn't remember "Music"
You: as, I only let them listen to Black Metal.
You: However, one of them tells me Justin Beiber is quite popular these days
You: However, like all 15 year olds, her musical tastes are quite underdeveloped, so a superficial knowledge of whatever is popular should get you through
Stranger: well, thats what I need to know, what is popular with 15 year old girl's
You: See, whenever I need to know what's popular, I start flipping through radio stations until I cringe.
You: however, I am told writhing erections are quite the roar too
You: talk about those
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

sdfasdffdsasdf

why does it all say strangers?
and do you really take the time to mark it in a blue-red font? If so, I love you.

NeverendingAbyss wrote: and do you really take the time to mark it in a blue-red font? If so, I love you.

Nah! I just use find-replace in MS Word. It takes 10 seconds.

NeverendingAbyss wrote: why does it all say strangers?

Sometimes I screw up

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
You: Hi, what's your name?
Stranger: Kopae
You: Bullshit
You: It's Pablo
You: Isn't it?
You: Please tell me it is.
You: I've been looking for you for quite some time
Stranger: Yes, yes I am! I've missed you!!!
You: BULLSHIT
You: PABLO WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH A THING
You: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD TELL SUCH A LIE
Stranger: II've changed
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m/f
You: Castro?
Stranger: who?
You: Is that you!
Stranger: WTF? u a girl?
You: How are you I haven't seen you in the news for a while!
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: i know
You: How's your country doing?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: still frivkin war everywhere
You: I heard your brother was running the show these days/
Stranger: ITS GREAT!
Stranger: no
Stranger: i shot him
Stranger: then gave him a bj
You: How's Uncle Pablo doing?
Stranger: i pushed him down a cliff
You: WHAT NO!!!
Stranger: his fat ass didnt save him
You: Jeremiah will be very displeased
You: Pablo was Jeremiah's favorite
Stranger: i dont give a #$%^
Stranger: u crazy
Stranger: lets get freaky
You: I am a finnish goatfarmer on the Russian/Finnish border
You: My name is Pekka Nurmi
You: And you, are Castro.
Stranger: and i
You: Let's not go off into la-la land
Stranger: wanna f$%# u
Stranger: no
Stranger: lets go into lala land
You: Well, I think Jeremiah might be displeased if you touched his favorite nephew.
You: You already killed his favorite servant boy
Stranger: no
Stranger: he wouldnt care
Stranger: no
Stranger: i sent him to cuba
Stranger: vacation
You: Jeremiah cares about quite a bit, too much in fact.
You: He's a little crazy, but don't let him hear I said that.
Stranger: he deserves a break
Stranger: i know
Stranger: so?
You: He would start a coup over control of the ranch.
Stranger: we get freaky now?
You: And I can't lose the ranch, it's how I pay my child support
Stranger: wow
You: Not to mention.
You: I like having goats around
You: they're nice.
Stranger: so? we gonna get crazy?
Stranger: the ranch can wait
You: Can the goats play too?
Stranger: if u want
Stranger: yes
You: Enrique gets jealous.
Stranger: if u want
You: as does Eduardo
Stranger: yeah
You: and of course, there's Venezuala Boy
You: And of course, there's Rachel, and Andy,
Stranger: so? we get freaky now?
You: Let's not forget about Armando
Stranger: which ones are virgins
You: They're all goats, except Venezuala Boy
You: so, I think only Venezuala Boy is a virgin
You: You see, we have a lot of fun on the Goat Farm.
You: A, LOT of fun.
Stranger: can i have fun too?
You: if you bring Pablo bakc
Stranger: ok
You: Is Pablo dead?
Stranger: no
Stranger: hes alive
You: You said you dropped him off a cliff
You: How did he survive?
Stranger: parachute
You: Bullshit
Stranger: cliff dr.iving
You: Pablo is terrified of parachutes
You: after I stuck one up his anus on his fourth birthday
Stranger: i forced him to
You: I told him it would make his microphallus into a macrophallus
You: but as it turns out, it was puberty that did that
Stranger: nice
Stranger: but he didnt have fun
You: I'm quite proud of it.
Stranger: i pushed him
You: When did you first meet Jeremiah?
Stranger: u should be
Stranger: idk
You: I'd think it was quite a momentuous occasion
Stranger: i just wanna get freaky with you!
You: Jeremiah is almost as big as his cousin, Timo.
You: Do you have a passport to Phallustine?
Stranger: yes
You: Oh my, you must be in good favor with Priapus
Stranger: fuck you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Uh, hi.
You: This is Paul, from Omegle, we've received multiple complaints concerned your I.P. address about trolling
You: Now, I know that Omegle is an an anonymous chat, and it can be fun to troll, but we do have a code of conduct
Stranger: no its not
Stranger: no you dont
Stranger: you have no legal disclaimers
You: Oh, it's nothing legal
Stranger: yes it is
You: we won't throw you off to jail or anything, but we reserve the right to deny services to anyone who is overly disruptive on our services
Stranger: I will report you to police for harrasment
Stranger: May I have some ID please
You: Um. I'm not really sure I could give you any I.D., given the nature of this chatroom.
Stranger: no you by Law have to
You: I'm just an employee assigned to issue a warning.
Stranger: If you dont
You: by law?
You: what country?
Stranger: I will contact the police
You: we're an international service.
Stranger: and I mean
Stranger: I dont care
Stranger: you do not have the right
You: We have users from all over the world.
Stranger: to come on
Stranger: you dont have the right to mis represent yourself
Stranger: if you cannot provide ID
Stranger: I will go to the police
Stranger: unless you tell me your lying and apologise
You: How would you like me to present my I.D.?
Stranger: and I'm being serious
Stranger: Provide your full name and company address
You: I'm willing to cooperate with you here, but this is a text chat room.
You: our company address can be found in our terms of service, and I don't have to present to you my full name.
Stranger: and telephone number
Stranger: you dont have terms of service
You: if you have any problems, you can contact my superiors
Stranger: nothing linked to such a document on your web server
Stranger: no I cannot
Stranger: do you want me to phone the police
Stranger: I have your IP address
You: oh really?
Stranger: and you do not come from the location of where Omegle is bassed
You: and what is my I.P. address
Stranger: I dont have to give you that information because you wont provide ID
Stranger: if you do not provide ID immediatly I'm disconnecting and phoning the Police
You: Would you say goodbye to Pablo?
Stranger: and I will take you to court for harrasment
Stranger: Who is this
Stranger: I'm phoning my lawer
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: This is Paul from Omegle. We have received multiple complaints of inappropriate, lewd behaviour traced to your IP address.
Your internet service provider will be alerted within the next 24 hours.

Paul

1(802)380-4064
Omegle Inc.



If you feel you have received this message in error, type "1" to connect to an Omegle representative.
Stranger: k
Stranger: 1
You: Hi, this is Jason, from Omegle, how may I help you today?
Stranger: I feel I have received a message in error
You: What was the message?
Stranger: This is Paul from Omegle. We have received multiple complaints of inappropriate, lewd behaviour traced to your IP address.
Your internet service provider will be alerted within the next 24 hours.
You: One moment.
Stranger: thank you sir
You: according to what I'm seeing here, there are 7 registered complaints against your I.P. address.
You: among the complaints are distribution of Child Pornography, Harassment, and general misconduct
Stranger: child pornography!!=!=!
Stranger: omfg
You: that's a serious offense.
Stranger: Fuck yeah
Stranger: prove it
Stranger: sorry but that is slander
You: to protect the privacy of our users, I can't access the individual chatlogs
You: I do have a few questions that may be in your benefit though
Stranger: Then your system is broken
Stranger: yes?
Stranger:
You: are you currently on a static, or a dynamic I.P. address
Stranger: I live in a dormitory
Stranger: hang on
Stranger: It should be dynamic.
Stranger: I guess it will fix it self then
You: well, that may explain part of it, however, we will still have to contact your ISP. You should know within the next week whether or not our investigation has come up with anything, thank you for your time.

HAHAHAHA

That's a hilarious idea. I will give it a try today

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i'mFilipino:D
You: What's your name?
Stranger: NO
You:
You: PABLO!
You: IT'S YOUU!
Stranger: Yuuh -..-
You: OMG PABLO
You: I haven't seen you in months
Stranger: OMG MEGAN !
Stranger: IS THAT YOU !?
You: yes.
Stranger: MEGANNN !
You: OBVIOUSLY.
Stranger: I missed you so much!
You: I know!
Stranger: I remember the last time we saw each other.
You: I stayed in the space under your bed for a weekend, right?
Stranger: YEHH.
You: Right.
Stranger: That was the best
You: I think I left a few ducks under there, are they still at your place?
Stranger: YEAH. THEY MADE BABIES
You: OHMAHGAWD
You: so where are you now?
Stranger: Under you bed!
You: that must be uncomfortable
Stranger: yeahhh ..
Stranger: Just waiting ..
You: I'm sorry. That's where I keep my duck poop
Stranger:
Stranger: IS THAT WHAT I'VE BEEN EATING ?
You: probably.
You: I hope so.
You: better than the alternative.
Stranger: Or is it yours ...
You: Umm... how big is it.
Stranger: YOUR POO.
You: Probably
You: the plumbing is broken
Stranger: AWH
Stranger: I'll fix it
You: This is silly
You: why are we talking on Omegle?
You: I'll just dig you out of the poop
You: see you in a bit!
Stranger: YEAH (:
Stranger: oKAAY !
You: BYE PABLO
You have disconnected.

You: You: This is Paul from Omegle. We have received multiple complaints of inappropriate, lewd behaviour traced to your IP address.
Your internet service provider will be alerted within the next 24 hours.

Paul

1(802)380-4064
Omegle Inc.



If you feel you have received this message in error, type "1" to connect to an Omegle representative.
Stranger: . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . ,.-‘”. . . . . . . . . .``~.,
. . . . . . . .. . . . . .,.-”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-.,
. . . . .. . . . . . ..,/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”:,
. . . . . . . .. .,?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\,
. . . . . . . . . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,}
. . . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`^`.}
. . . . . . . ./. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:”. . . ./
. . . . . . .?. . . __. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . :`. . . ./
. . . . . . . /__.(. . .“~-,_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,:`. . . .. ./
. . . . . . /(_. . ”~,_. . . ..“~,_. . . . . . . . . .,:`. . . . _/
. . . .. .{.._$;_. . .”=,_. . . .“-,_. . . ,.-~-,}, .~”; /. .. .}
. . .. . .((. . .*~_. . . .”=-._. . .“;,,./`. . /” . . . ./. .. ../
. . . .. . .\`~,. . ..“~.,. . . . . . . . . ..`. . .}. . . . . . ../
. . . . . .(. ..`=-,,. . . .`. . . . . . . . . . . ..(. . . ;_,,-”
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. . . . . . \`~.*-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..|,./.....\,__
,,_. . . . . }.>-._\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . ..`=~-,
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. . . . . . . . . .`=~-,,.\,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . `:,, . . . . . . . . . . . . . `\. . . . . . ..__
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .`=-,. . . . . . . . . .,%`>--==``
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _\. . . . . ._,-%. . . ..`
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

(The reply was instant)

Well, haven't tried this thing for ages

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: ...............................
Stranger: XD
You: ...............................
Stranger: >.>
Stranger: <.<
You: ...............................
You: ...............................
You: ...............................
You: ...............................
You: ...............................
Stranger: ^^
You: ...............................
You: ...............................
You: Im still waiting
You: ...............................
Stranger: wacka wacka wacka!
You: ...............................
You: please, no fucking shakira!!!
Stranger: well im just eating these dots up.
You: ...............................
You: have more
You: ...............................
You: still hungry?
Stranger: Full up now. So whats kicking?
Stranger: a bit, but im good for now.
You: ok
You: kicking? my own balls lol
Stranger: wow. o.o
You: you?
You: what r ya kicking?
Stranger: mine too. why the hell not.
You: 0.o
You: but mine are from steel
You: thats why i dont feel pain
Stranger: nice.
Stranger: never thought id say this, but you seem to have fine fine balls. XD
You: thanks, that's what my mama said when i was born
You: now come think of it
You: if i have steel balls
You: does that means my mama has iron tits?
Stranger: heheh XD
You: you tell me
Stranger: or a titanium pussy.
You: well thought
Stranger: ^_^
You: wanna make this more interesting?
Stranger: sure.
You: ok
You: pull my finger
Stranger: *pulls finger*
You: *big fart*
You: *EXPLOSION*
You: ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
You: im dying!!!
Stranger: :O oh no!
You: help me!!
You: grab my steel balls
You: and save them!
Stranger: *grabs steel balls*
Stranger: ok, i got em!
You: ok, now run for your life!
You: here it comes again
Stranger: *runs quick as anything*
You: *another big fart*
You: *BIGGER EXPLOSION*
You: Im dead
You have disconnected.

Random stuffs, I know

Today, I did the worst thing I have ever done. I convinced a stranger that I'm an astronaut, and actually found her personal information. This conversation starts out goofy but builds into something totally surreal. I edited out her personal information (most of which I just found through creative googling or the NASA directory). At the very least, read the second half!

Notice how her tone towards me changes when she "finds out" i'm an astronaut.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: hi
You: My tongue is 16 meters.
Stranger: oh, that's sad
You: I always knew it was long but I just had it measured.
You: Give me a reason to go on!
Stranger: lol
Stranger: if you hadn't known, would it have been better?
You: Yes. Because now I have a figure. A "scarlet A" to carry with me wherever I go.
You: I had the delusion that my above average tongue was a minor anomaly, but I have statistical evidence to suggest I am in the 99.99th percentile of tongue length (and there are government agencies which collect this data)
Stranger: so are you like that dude in Kiss? i forget his name
You: The bad thing is, when I go to school I have to drag my tongue behind me. Any dog shit on the sidewalk, I have to taste.
Stranger: Gene something?
Stranger: ewww
You: Semons
You: Gene Semons
Stranger: yea, hime
Stranger: him
Stranger: well, i think a lot of girls find him pretty hot cuz of his tongue
Stranger: lot of stuff he can do with it
Stranger: you know what i mean?
You: Think of how much saliva he must produce. If he stands in one spot for more than a minute, a puddle of drool forms around him.
Stranger: lol
You: He must drink ten gallons of water a day.
Stranger: but he's able to keep it in his mouth
Stranger: so, he must have a retraction device
You: If he's eating a girl out he can put his tongue in her and have it come out of her mouth, and then back down again. He could choke her like an anaconda.
Stranger: yea, i suppose so
You: (Of course he would have to taste her bowels, which would be nasty)
Stranger: ewww
Stranger: yea, that's nasty
You: That is what I have to live with.
You: Anyway: give me a reason to go on!
You: (You didnt'...and I'm mad)
Stranger: well, maybe you shouldn't go on
Stranger: it pretty much sucks
You: Do you think I can suck with a 16 meter tongue?
You: The only thing I can do is lick.
Stranger: nope
You: Exactly.
Stranger: yup
You: So don't tell me it sucks. It doesn't.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: okay, you are right
Stranger: it licks
You: If I die, will my tongue flop out of my mouth to the left or right?
You: Maybe I can predict a world cup game based on this outcome?
Stranger: good question
You: If an octopus can do it, why not I?
Stranger: you know, i can't say i feel your angst
You: Well let me tell you a story then.
Stranger: ok
You: When I was a young boy with a normal tongue,I joined the choir.
Stranger: ok
You: As time went by, it grew to the length of 16 meters (as you know).
Stranger: yea
You: I sounded like a RETARD when I sang, as you might imagine
You: I was the biggest humiliation in my life
Stranger: i suppose you stopped singing?
You: I got quite a tongue lashing for my LICKluster performance! (That's two puns in one!!)
Stranger: wow, impressive!
Stranger: ok Mr/Ms 16-meter tongue, I'm going to get going
Stranger: THanks for sharing your story
You: Why?
You: Why can't you stay?
Stranger: Good luck with that.
You: I demand the truth.
Stranger: I just can't get into the conversation, sorry
You: Well
You: what the hell do you want to talk about?
Stranger: I have no tongue related woes to share
You: Books, sports, cyber-sex?
You: I'll do anything for attention.
Stranger: well, how old are you?
You: What did you expect when you decided to talk to a stranger?? What are you looking for, friend?
Stranger: yea, I was
You: I can adapt my personality to match any age profile.
Stranger: looking for a friend that is
You: Sure, lets be friends.
Stranger: that's so glib
Stranger: we can't just be friends just like that
You: glib?
You: what the hell is glib?
You: What in the name of PRIAPUS is glib?
You: What do I have to do, to become your friend?
Stranger: i don't know....i just imagine that's something British ppl say
You: Well, ok.
You: What have you given me to work with?
Stranger: You seem British, sorry
You: What opportunity do I have to befriend you?
You: Your every post appears to be a reaction to mine, rather than an independant thought.
Stranger: I have given you nothing because you have dominated the conversation, HELLO
You: Correct.
Stranger: you didn't even say HI
You: Well-
Stranger: you just went into your tongue
You: I prefer to bypass the formalities and get to the heart of my inquiries.
You: Look, we got off on the wrong tongue.
Stranger: what is the heart of your inquiry?
You: Let's just start this over.
Stranger: lol
You: Hello!
Stranger: now you just sound sarcastic
Stranger: ugh
You: NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!!!
You: Well, go ahead.
You: I won't dominate
Stranger: No, you like attention
You: Correct.
Stranger: and what I say won't excite you
You: That is fine.
Stranger: or fascinate you
Stranger: so it's okay
You: You feel inferior then?
Stranger: maybe we should just find other people.
You: NO!!!!
You: NEVER!!!
Stranger: No, I just don't think we gel
You: I am adaptable!
You: We gel, baby!!!
You: Don't break my heart.
You: What do you like?
You: Beer?
You: Soccer?
You: Women?
You: Me too!!
You: Come on.
Stranger: Are you always so melodramatic?
You: Don't leave me like this.
You: Yes
Stranger: Are you in Theatre?
You: Theatre.
Stranger: Are you an actor?
You: Sounds like you're british, not me.
You: I am not in theater, I am not an actor.
Stranger: well, you sound British so I'm adapting my lingo
You: And my flamboyance is not a factor.
Stranger: my lingua
Stranger: lol
You: I am not even British!
Stranger: What are you?
You: But funny you should assume that.
You: What am I?
You: I am a man with a long tongue.
You: BUTT!
Stranger: Well, you are probably not American
You: We've been down that road already.
You: Why do you say that?
Stranger: because you used standard measurement: meter...
You: Alright, I'll tel you a secret.
Stranger: not dumbed down american measure...
You: watch your tongue!!!
You: Anyway....
You: My previous conversation:
You: After brief hellos....
Stranger: I'm an American, I can say that
Stranger: so, you are a man. good to know
You: My fellow interlocutor said: 16m
Stranger: my assumption correct
You: And I asked, what is 16m?
You: And he said, my tongue.
You: And this lit the fire of inspiration in my heart.
Stranger: hmmm
You: Tell me, why are you convinced I am of the male persuasion?
Stranger: ohhhh, very clever
Stranger: you just said you are a man with 16 meter tongue
Stranger: don't you know what you say???
You: Then if you accept I am a man, you accept I have a 16m tongue. You cannot pick and choose.
Stranger: Fine
Stranger: I accept it.
Stranger: I just don't want the convo revolving around your tongue.
You: You show an alarming lack of concern over my condition. Conspicuously lacking perturbation!
Stranger: Is that so much to ask?
You: Oh, right.
You: You know what,
You: I ALWAYS do that.
You: And I'm sorry.
Stranger: lol
You: Where were we?
You: Beer and soccer?
Stranger: you are such a drama queen
You: AHA!!!
Stranger: "ALWAYS"
You: So now I'm a queen.
Stranger: in a manner of speaking
You: Ahh, ok.
Stranger: Would you like to be a queen?
You: (sarcasm is not effectively transmitted through text)
Stranger: lol, agreed
You: A queen...it depends. Yes, but I would prefer a king while a human.
Stranger: as opposed to?
You: However if I was a bee, ant , or other insect, I would prefer queendome.
You: Now, I have to pee but I'm afraid you'll leave.
Stranger: no, i will stay
You: Will you stay with me for one minute while I ease the throbbing in my bladder? (it really does throb)
Stranger: I feel bad for you
You: Thank you. Bless your heart.
Stranger: and your tongue
You: Don't get tongue-tied while I'm gone!
Stranger: and your full bladder
Stranger: Does it take you one minute exactly to pee?
Stranger: wow, that was quick
You: I'm back! I didn't flush or wash my hands, to maximize the time we spend together
Stranger: lol
Stranger: okay
Stranger: I hope you are at home
Stranger: and not in some public place
You: Explain yourself.
Stranger: Well, the flush or washing your hands thing
Stranger: ok at home, not in public
You: Would it be a disaster not to flush a public toilet?
You: Aha! Hydration is in order.
Stranger: no, just discourteous
Stranger: I like your sentances. So grammatically correct. Dotted i's and crossed t's...
You: But if I do not flush at home, is shows a lack of self-respect!
You: When typing these things come automatically. But thank you!
Stranger: not if no one is there to see it
Stranger: Are you a professor?
Stranger: or a teacher?
You: Why do you say this??
Stranger: If I had to guess your profession, I would say you were a Speech Professor.
You: What in the name of god is that?
Stranger: Expressive, yet completely anal.
You: A man with a 16m tongue can barely grunt, let alone engage in oratory.
You: Oh, right.
You: We're off that now.
Stranger: lol
You: What do you mean by "anal"?
Stranger: Sorry, I feel like I am supressing your feelings about your tongue.
You: Of course, I am familiar with the excratory orfice.
Stranger: Anal....like, in the Freudian sense....meticulous
Stranger: overly meticulous
You: Meticulous. Interesting.
You: As in, wiping your butt?
You: Is that how the term got its origin?
You: Because you want to be thorough!
Stranger: yea, something like that
You: Excellent. I understand.
You: Now, where were we?
Stranger: Great.
You: Where were we. Funny sentence.
Stranger: Agreed
Stranger: We are here.
You: You have...shall we say, evaluated my personality.
Stranger: Why ask?
You: I have reached some primitive conclusions about you as well.
You: Of course I could be wrong!
You: But I can share them.
Stranger: ooo, would love to hear
Stranger: tell me
You: You seem to be a male between the ages of, 19-24.
Stranger: nope
You: Really?
Stranger: really
Stranger: okay, what else?
You: No, no.
You: Before we proceed you must correct me.
You: I suppose you could be OLDER.
Stranger: no, I want to hear everything before I correct you.
You: I excluded that because the demographics of this website are skewed towards youth.
Stranger: Please, do spew
You: Ok, I will spew.
You: You either are in college, or have a college degree. That's pretty certain.
You: Hmm...
Stranger: What else?
You: You are fairly popular in real life, have solid interpersonal skills and an extensive social network.
Stranger: ok, anything else?
You: Well, unfortunately no.
Stranger: okay, that's okay
Stranger: That's pretty good though.
Stranger: You are quite perceptive about certain things.
You: Well, for gods sake.
You: Elaborate!
Stranger: But certainly not gender nor age
You: Huuh?
Stranger: I'm female
Stranger: and I'm 32
Stranger: I work at a college
Stranger: and yes, I have a college degrees
Stranger: a couple actually
Stranger: you are right about the social stuff too
Stranger: I've moved away from my hometown and feeling quite lonely here
You: Of course I am. Who could deny the flattery I gave?
Stranger: blah
You: "yes, you're right. I have great social skills and a glowing personality. Lucky guess".
Stranger: lol
You: Well, in any case.
Stranger: Well, I do!!!
You: You can't blame me for the gender: you type like a man (lowercase, etc). The lack of sex-solicitation should have been a hint though.
Stranger: I suppose I have an inordinate level of self confidence also.
You: You don't go on omegle much, do you?
Stranger: oh, men type in lower case, interesting....didn't think of taht
Stranger: no, actually my first time here
You: That is very obvious.
You: Do you know why?
Stranger: really??
Stranger: why?
You: Well, I would say I have a fairly flamboyant and "vivid" personality.
Stranger: mmhmm
You: But you...weren't sold at first. You wanted to explore other options because we weren't....producing gelatin, or whatever the expression is.
You: ANYWAY
Stranger: lol
Stranger: yes, I guess most people would disconnect and try again?
You: If you had been on this site for much longer, you would be familiar with the vapid stupidity....
You: And if you actually found a real conversation with someone who had more intellect than a shrew
You: You would cling on for dear life!
Stranger: oh
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: Is that what you did? (I'm not conceited, I'm just wondering?)
Stranger: lol
You: Well, yes.
You: It is exactly what I did. Haha.
You: Anyway, now its your turn.
You: Do some "criminal profiling" on me.
Stranger: my turn? I told you everything
Stranger: I think you are a professor....or a very bored tech service person
Stranger: or a drama major
You: That is a huge spread.
You: A professor or a tech person or a drama student.
You: Almost meaningless.
Stranger: I think you are male....between 18 and 24
Stranger: lol
Stranger: okay, if I had to pick
You: A professor between 18-24 is also nonsense.
Stranger: I would say a Librarian
Stranger: a very bored librarian
You: Hahaha
You: A librarian?
Stranger: who likes dragons and stuff
Stranger: Yes
You: Come on.
Stranger: that was totally different
You: Librarians are conservative people!!
Stranger: A librarian who likes renaissance faires and stuff
You: Soccer moms and whatnot.
Stranger: no, a male librarian....they are different
You: Hmm.
Stranger: Smart, subtly sexy, dreamers
You: Oh, so I am sexy.
You: You're right.
Stranger: anyway, I think you do not have a large group of friends
You: hahaha
Stranger: You prefer to be home....puttering in your garden or reading a book
You: To be honest, this rather unflattering description leads me to reevalaute my writing style.
Stranger: you have 1 or 2 friends that you have known since childhood
Stranger: I don't know....i get an image of a scholarly wizard
Stranger: like Merlin
Stranger: I don't think it's unflattering
Stranger: I think its hot
You: Hmm...................
Stranger: but I'm a nerdy librarian-lover so what do I know
You: That is a crazy and ridiculous analogy, but it entertained me.
Stranger: lol
You: I mean.
You: Aren't librarians wimpy?
Stranger: so, are you going to reveal yourself?
You: Scrawny and uh...ya know?
Stranger: No, they are the strong, silent types....
You: Turtleneck wearers? Cappucino sippers?
Stranger: intellectually orgasmic
You: orgasmic?
You: Is that the word you intended???
Stranger: bespectled balls of lust
Stranger: lol
You: You have fetishes.
Stranger: sorry, I'm being provocative on purpose
You: Well, ok.
You: I am reveal myself, but...
Stranger: anyway, so tell me who you are?
You: To be honest I am having second doubts.
You: Because!!!
Stranger: Why?
You: This is the internet. People make up things all the time. That's the rule.
Stranger: Well, I give my word that I am being honest.
You: a) Because my profession is such a niche, I have doubts that you would really take me seriously
b) I am afraid you would actually track me down somehow...maybe a bit paranoid but imagine how embarrasing it would be. The tongue nonsense!
Stranger: I know that you can't trust that but I don't have to play any games.
You: Alright. For better or for worse, I will grant you my full discloser.
Stranger: I trust you and I'm not a stalker. I'm too busy usually.
You: I am 35 years old, male, I live in the american south...and I am an astronaut (well, kinda).
You: Not a librarian
Stranger: You work for NASA?
Stranger: close enough
You: Well...
Stranger: Rocket scientist, hello?
You: Not really.
Stranger: oh
Stranger: oops
You: I mean, I have a background in that kind of thing.
You: But I haven't actually done much work after college in the area.
Stranger: Engineering?
You: Look- astronauts go into space.
You: But not all of them.
You: There is a rigorous training process.
You: It takes years, really.
You: And you never REALLY know if they'll send you to the ISS
Stranger: oh I know... One of my friends' husband works for NASA
Stranger: in Houston
You: A technical background of course is necessary but my day to day work is not in engineering.
Stranger: Ok
You: Am I a librarian who does some gardening? Not exactly, no!
Stranger: lol
You: But....my friends are few and far between. Actually not far between, that doesn't make much sense.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: so if you don't mind me asking, which state are you in?
You: My mental state is: insane.
Stranger: Come on. I'm harmless but you've got me curious.
Stranger: That's all.
You: My physical state: top notch. years of training will have that effect.
You: You SAY you're harmless, but I really cannot take the risk. There are not that many astronauts!
Stranger: *sigh*
You: It would be relatively easy to narrow me down already since you have my age and profession.
You: You're probably down to 5-10 already.
Stranger: How anti-climactic
You: Just find the picture of the one who looks most like a quiet librarian/gardener and i'm busted.
You: Besides....
Stranger: I'm not even looking. I want you to tell me
You: All I know about you is.............that you "work at a college".
You: I mean, what does THAT mean?
You: If you want info, you gotta give it.
Stranger: I have no qualms about telling you who I am
Stranger: I work in California
Stranger: I work as an international student advisor
Stranger: Do you want the city too?
You: Yes.
Stranger: Fine.
Stranger: I edited out her personal info, California
You: Zip code and social security number.
Stranger: No
Stranger: So....
Stranger: ?
You: Well, then.
Stranger: are you looking for me?
You: YES! I found you.
Stranger: Okay, what's my name?
You: well, one brief moment
You: Just hang on a sec...
Stranger: actually, Intl Student Advisor was my previous title....I'm a I edited out her personal info now
Stranger: so, if you are using that
You: I edited out her personal info
Stranger: yep
Stranger: that's me
You: Interesting!
Stranger: yea, so now, what are you afraid of? I'm more harmless than a librarian!
You: I guess I need to "give" some info now.
Stranger: That would be nice.
You: I'll just give you the link, but you need to PROMISE not to embarass me!
Stranger: I promise. I will not. I'm studying to be a counselor so I have to be completely authentic and confidential in all my dealings.
You: Fine.
You: Here goes nothing.
Stranger: I live my life like that too.
You: http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/Bios/htmlbios/fischer-jack.html
Stranger: Thanks
You: Do you like my teeth? Zero cavities
Stranger: lol, awesome So, why would you be embarrassed?
You: Because you can email my boss and send him this conversation.
You: "I have a 16 meter tongue" anyone???
Stranger: oh, come on.
Stranger: geez....I think we are beyond that
You: I'm not.
You: I'm still an idiot.
Stranger: You are not.
You: Gee, thanks.
Stranger: Chat is whatever...you know....you can be whatever.
Stranger: No big deal.
You: You are more forgiving of my shortcomings now, I can see.
Stranger: besides, your name on here is "Stranger"
Stranger: You're safe.
You: Was I ever a threat before?
Stranger: No, not really....I thought you were totally preoccupied with your tongue though
Stranger: Maybe you have a tongue fetish
Stranger: ?
You: Maybe!
Stranger: but, hey, I've got a librarian fetish
Stranger: I should throw no stones
You: Yes, that was plain to see.
You: Intruiging, for sure.
Stranger: lol, THANKS
You: Silent, macho librarian gardener type.
Stranger: yea, my ex....that was him
Stranger: I guess I projecting a little of him on you. sorry
You: Ahhah!
You: But you're married now, right?
Stranger: No, we broke up a month ago....hence the random jaunt into Omegle for some company
Stranger: That's funny that you are from Houston. How weird is that.
Stranger: You probably know my friend's husband
You: Friends husband.
You: Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
Stranger: His name is Ketan
Stranger: K.C
Stranger: is what they call him.
You: kfc?
You: He likes chicken?
Stranger: lol, NO....
You: I'm just kidding......sigh
Stranger: Anyway, do you feel exposed now? I feel bad....I didn't realize you were a big deal
Stranger: You've toned down considerably since you gave me that link.
You: I do know a Ketan with a really strange last name,, [edited out]
You: I know him but you know last names...
Stranger: YEa! That's him!
You: Really?
Stranger: I edited out her personal info
You: Right!
You: Small world isn't it!!
Stranger: Yea, she and I met at UHCL....I did my Masters there.
You: That's really amazing.
Stranger: lived in Clear Lake about 4 or 5 years
Stranger: Have you heard of THe Cove apts on Bay Area?
Stranger: lol
Stranger: prolly not
You: No...
Stranger: Anyway, how long have you been in Houston?
You: What?
You: I've never been to Houston...
Stranger: Oh
Stranger: I thought you were at the JSC?
You: I'm not an astronaut, you moron.
You: But i've gotten an enormous dose of hilarity from your naive behavior.
You: Hahahahaha. Good times.
Stranger: well, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself
You: I did!
You: I'll be sending this chat transcript to all your coworkers, by the way.
You: I list some of her coworkers here that I found from a website
You: I have the whole list!
Stranger: oh really?
You: Correct.
You: Its too funny to be kept to myself. What a crime that would be!
You: ...
You: How do you feel?
Stranger: I feel bad.
You: Good.
Stranger: That's really cruel
You: Lets return to the subject of tongues
You: Mine is 16m!
Stranger: Amazing
You: Ok, ok.
You: From your tongue-tied nature I think
You: you are in a great deal of emotional distress which
You: I find hilarious but somewhat disheartening at the same time.
You: Don't worry silly head. I won't send it to anyone!
You: I'm not malicious, just an idiot.
Stranger: Well, I feel stupid.
You: You should. But thats ok. You learned something I'm sure.
Stranger: I guess.
Stranger: I'm used to being sincere. and obviously not used to Omegle protocol
You: This is the internet. BOO! Scary place.
You: I admit you were easy to manipulate.
Stranger: Easy target.
You: Luckily I have no bad intentions.
You: Of course the thought of arranging some kind of "meeting/hookup" with your crossed my mind but, I have boundaries too. hehehe
You: Anyway,
You: I think we're about through here.
You: We are not making gelatin together!
Stranger: Yea, I think so.
Stranger: I must say that was a emotional roller coasters.
Stranger: coaster
You: Really?
Stranger: sheehs, i can't even type now
Stranger: sheesh
You: Why? What is it that bothers you?
You: I hope you don't feel *threatened*. That is definitely not my goal. Like I said I am a nice, but goofy person.
You: To be perfectly honest, I even feel a little bad!
Stranger: No, I don't. I think I just got my hopes up that you were from my hometown.
Stranger: *Shrug*
Stranger: Yea, I guess I learned my lesson.
You: It is actually really ironic
You: I mean just hilarious
You: That my real profession IS librarian
You: I have no idea how you knew
Stranger: really?
You: See? You're not so bad at reading people either!
Stranger: Okay, I feel like that was my consolation prize for being a total lame-o
You: You're not a lame-o.
You: You seem like a very nice person to me.
You:
Stranger: Being a very nice person obviously doesn't matter though....
Stranger: man, i need some therapy right now.

..continued..

You: Why?
Stranger: Because I am naive. So naive. It's messed up what you can do to yourself.
You: But you learned your lesson, right? You know better now, right?
Stranger: I mean, I thought I could read people's intent, you know.
Stranger: Well, hell yea. But, I'm kind of sad too.
You: If you learned your lesson, why do you believe I'm a librarian then?
You: Because I told you so?
Stranger: I don't
You: Good!
You: Have a nice day.
You have disconnected.

Huhhuh. How scary!Now I understand how you can know everything about me. Almost to the shoenumber!
And wow, I now know a lot more about you! You are an astronautlibrarian living outside Houston in a deep valley called Assyria. You are a computerdetective and you have a very long tongue. Not 16 m, butt very long...Incredible...

My god! that was cruel

Submit to /b/, immediately!
And don't edit her personal info out!

"Librarians are conservative people". LOL so true. I always hated my school librarians.

Here, I provoked a pedophile and got his email address.

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: 19 male looking for sexcam with female on skype or yahoo
You: sure
Stranger: age?
You: 12
Stranger: euhh that pedo
You: no
Stranger: im not pedo
You: big tits
Stranger: so 12
Stranger: ok lets give it a try
Stranger: skype or yahoo
You: Ok, what is your yahoo address ? I add u
You: ^_^
Stranger: nov.rain_88@yahoo.com
You: This is Ltd. Strutt from the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Stranger: waw
You: It is unfortunate that I must inform you that the federal government will be filing charges against you, sir.
Stranger: fuck u dude
Stranger: fuck u dude
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Here is one example from a sequence of chats where I found horny men and asked them to add the pedophile on Yahoo chat and start a video conversation with him. The poor bastard probably thought it was the FBI following up, though. Karma, people

I gave this address to at least 8 guys who were "interested".

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You:You: Horny 19 y/o girl looking for guy with yahoo chat
Stranger: lmfao
Stranger: prolly a 36 y/o crazy fuck with a boner:)
You: no
You: I am beautiful
You: you'll see
You: I have done modeling
You: You have yahoo?
Stranger: whats your name?
You: Look
You: can we just do this or not
You:
You: You use Yahoo messenger?
Stranger: i have msn messanger
Stranger: but they work together
Stranger: whats your email
You: u add me
You: nov.rain_88@yahoo.com
Stranger: there
You: alright, well send me a webcam invite when you get the chance
You: and we'll get the party started
You: and I wanna see some wood
You: ^_^
Stranger: better not be a crazy fuck:)
Stranger: and just accept the request
You: no promises

This is my attempt at "cyber-sex". Something tells me I didn't do it right!

You: Horny 19 y/o girl looking for guy with yahoo chat
Stranger: im a male who is horny and needs some help
You: Do you have Yahoo?
Stranger: no sorry but if u wanna sex talk eachother on here
You: ok
You: I'm gonna start
Stranger: what would u do to me
You: First, I tear off my clothes until my naked body is shimmering in the dimly lit bedroom.
Stranger: oh thats hot
You: Unexpectedly, my 300-pound frame comes CRASHING DOWN upon you
Stranger: WTF!!!!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Look up or more look back. You have got a gnatgnat or a wasp or a vasp at your behind. Kill it before it makes your ass even bigger. Or Buy a NEW avatar...or at least a new ass without vasps, gnatgnats or wasps

hahahahahahahaha

You: Unexpectedly, my 300-pound frame comes CRASHING DOWN upon you
Stranger: WTF!!!!!!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: Why arent my burritos good?
Stranger: Hello,
Stranger: I'm not sure.
You: you should know
Stranger: And why is that, good sir or ma'am?
You: you had one a couple of weeks ago
Stranger: I'm a bear, I only eat salmon
You: I made salmon burritos
Stranger: That sounds delicous. Are you a cook?
You: yes
Stranger: That's very interesting.
You: yeah
Stranger: What do you enjoy cooking?
You: salmon and beans
Stranger: Mmmmm, sounds delicious. Oh dear, where are my manners?
Stranger: My name is Teddy.
Stranger: Teddy Bear.
You: my name is Bear Grylls
Stranger: A fellow bear!?
You: yes
Stranger: This is exciting, I've been looking for another bear for hours!
You: ME too OMG
Stranger: Where are you from Grylls?
You: Yes OMG
Stranger: Hmmmm, that doesn't seem to answer my question.
Stranger: Let me start by saying i'm from Colorado
Stranger: Pike Forest region
You: IM from the swedish woods
Stranger: Oh, your truely a unique bear.
Stranger: What brings you to omegle?
You: yes
You: Im a bigfoot... my species is more inteligent than you think
You: And yes... we do exist
Stranger: Bigfoot? I thought you said you were a bear? <:o
You: no iM not
You: i said my name was bear
You: I was looking for a bear to eat
Stranger: Oh dear.
You: thats why i cook salmon
Stranger: That's...disturbing.
Stranger: I think I'll make my way out of this conversation now, if you don't mind.
You: nnnnnnnnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Stranger: I try not to talk to people who want to eat me
You: why
You: dont leave
You: no
You: nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooo
Stranger: :O
You: O
You: Im going to colorado to eat you
Stranger: Oh my, I'm uncomfortable
You: Oh,my I dont care
Stranger: Good sir, you are quite rude. I bid you adieu!
You: No
You: nooo
You: NNNNNNNNNoooooooooooooooooooo
You: Hello
You: ?
Stranger: Yes?
Stranger: I'm sorry Mr.Bear Grylls, but i must leave.
You: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Stranger: Good bye to you Sir and good luck on all your endeavors
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Randomness !

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: hi there
Stranger: wow, you're ugly
You: thanks, you too
Stranger: inside and outside
You: yeah, thats right
You: inside i have aids
Stranger: go die useless human being
You: and outside i have acne
Stranger: gross
You: thanks, i appreciate that
Stranger: my pleasure
You: so, would you mind if i ask you some question?
Stranger: go ahead
You: ok
You: 1) Do you think God has a penis or a vagina?
Stranger: god has definitely a vagina
You: ok, cool
You: next
You: 2) What would you say to Barack Obama if he would rape your sister/mom/grandma/wife?
Stranger: that he's tall, handsome and tanned
You: ok, next
You: 3) If you were trapped in a room with a bomb, and the only way out is by fucking a platypus, would you do it?
Stranger: fuck a platypus
You: ok, next
You: 4) Imagine Jesus is alive once again, and he gives you the power to kill anyone you want, who would you kill?
Stranger: all the human being
You: just one
Stranger: not fair
You: hey, he's Jesus. He's a dick anyway
Stranger: I would kill you then
You: ok, next
You: 5) How would you describe your neighbours' dick?
Stranger: average I guess
You: so you admit having seen it, right?
Stranger: possibly
You: ok, next
You: 6) Are you a professional ass?
Stranger: I aspire to be one
You: good, next
You: 7) If Mary has an apple, and John has two. Why dont the shut the hell up and fuck each other?
Stranger: cause john is gay
You: ok, next
You: Do you like the flavour of cum in a chicken stick?
Stranger: I'm vegetarian
You: well, that's acceptable
You: next
You: 9) If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper. Who beats my lazah?
Stranger: jesus
You: but he was a dick, remember?
Stranger: so what
You: ok, last one
Stranger: no
You: sorry, that's my job
You: 10) How was this interview so far?
Stranger: boring
You: ok
You: i got the results
Stranger: and short
You: sorry, i didnt make it
You: my boss did
You: and he's a pussyhead IMO
You: ...but he fucks like a beast
You: anyway
You: according to this
You: you are a big fucker, and you'll die in 3 days because of aids after having sex with an african fat nigga
You: see ya
You have disconnected.

AAAAAAAAAAAA 3.0 wrote:

Please! I won't believe I have THIS kind of 12 letter thing in my anus...

How could you fit?!

You people make me sick!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: I am the all-migthy

Stranger: prove it
You: ok
You: who's next to you?
Stranger: nobody
Stranger: i'm alone
Stranger: too alone
You: very alone?
Stranger: actually i'm lonely
Stranger: so i'm here
You: I'm sorry
You: well, not really
You: you kind of deserve it
Stranger: help me all-migthy
You: anyway
You: you're not alone anymore
Stranger: good to know
You: I made my first miracle
You: you have company now
Stranger: thanks all-mighty stranger
You: what else do you want to prove you I'm the all-migthy
Stranger: i cut my penis hurts like hell
Stranger: stop the pain
Stranger: not the whole penis
You: I see
Stranger: but foreskin
You: that sucks
You: ok
You: go to your kitchen
You: grab a knife
Stranger: get it
Stranger: and then….
You: ok, cut your ear
Stranger: i get an idea
You: do not hesitate
You: you did?
Stranger: yesssssss
Stranger: blood everywhere
Stranger: ohhhhhh
You: is your ear in pain?
Stranger: my penis dosen't hurt anymore
You: lot of pain
You: great
Stranger: my ear hurts
You: ok
Stranger: i hate you
You: if your ears hurts
You: cut something else
Stranger: cut my penis again?
You: from your body
You: no
You: it will hurt again
Stranger: too late i cat it again
Stranger: oh blood
Stranger: i'm feeling bad
You: you want a tissue?
Stranger: blood on a keybord
Stranger: my macbook
Stranger: shit
You: sorry
You: can't make anything else
You: I actully am not the all-migthy
You: but the devil
You: muahaahahaha!
Stranger: )
You: now you'll die
Stranger: nooooo
You: and you'd meat God
You: meet*
Stranger: he will help me?
You: i dont know
You: but listen
Stranger: ok
You: now you're in pain
You: awful pain
Stranger: i KNOW!
You: keep cutting yourself
You: and eventually
You: you'll die
You: you'll meet God
You: and all your pain will be gone
Stranger: you are so smart atranger
Stranger: you should write a book
You: I am the devil, but I am comprehensive too
You: I actually have
You: It's called "Over 9000 ways to feel misarble, and 1 way to free yourself"
You: go buy it
You: before you die
Stranger: how much it is?
Stranger: i spent all my money on a macbook
You: it depends
You: because I like you
You: I can offer you a small discount
Stranger: devil likes me
You: of course, I like people
You: that's why I want them to be evil
You: and eventually die
You: and come with me
You: I'm lonely too
You: and God always keeps them
You: I hate that bastard!
Stranger: bastard
You: You can make your choice
You: God or me
You: if you want God
You: before you die
You: go and save a kitten
Stranger: i prefer budda
You: Budda is God's bofriend
You: if you like gay god-sex
You: its up to you
Stranger: i haven't seen this in bible
Stranger: they told me he is straight
Stranger: they lied?
Stranger: nooooooooooo
You: Because God wanted humans to believe he was the perfect macho
Stranger: you have opened my eyes
Stranger: *i'm still bleeding
You: it's impressive you're still alive
You: are you sure you cut well?
Stranger: i have small ears
You: that's why!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I guess he finally died

This one wasn't really that funny. Didn't have any real ideas, just messing around since i'm bored!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Do you think SUSIE is a real model?
Stranger: Who the fuck is SUSIE ?
You: The girl from Caracas.
You: Who always posts all the custom smilies. Usually about monkeys or kittens.
You: Does Arnold Layne post too much?
Stranger: ... Nop, don't know her.
You: Ok.
Stranger: I don't know Arnold Layne neither
You: You don't know Arnold?
You: Impossible.
You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQTFRq1hjtM
Stranger: I don't. Google will help me.
Stranger: OHHHHH
You: Describe your feelings about Arnold Layne.
Stranger: I feel... happy.
Stranger: but, I feel like a hole in me.
You: Just one?
Stranger: And I can't be satisfied.
Stranger: Yes, just one.
You: That is strange. You are like an INVERSE-CYCLOPS.
Stranger: Maybe I am.
You: I am glad that Arnold Layne makes you happy. I will let him know!
Stranger: Haha.
You: You are very gracious to overlook his "strange hobby".
Stranger: Thank you.
Stranger: I am gracious ? My name is Kate.
You: Hi Kate. My name is AAAAAAAAAA.
Stranger: Hi AAAAAAAAAA
You: You can usually find me in the "Most Nicest Poster" thread.
Stranger: Oh, well.
You: Pablo installs sprinklers in Maryland. And I think...
You: I think Tolkki gave Kotipelto a guitar. But its like a "trojan guitar".
You: He's hiding inside and will pop out at night and raid the Stratovarius kitchen.
Stranger: A condom guitar then.
You: That sounds about right.
Stranger: That's very interesting.
Stranger: Are you a male ?
You: Can't you tell from my name!!
You: Look, lets not get all flirty. If A9 finds out about this, she will be LIVID.
Stranger: ... You're a Zobian from Xena
You: I'm a Scorpio.
You: I mix well with bulls and roosters.
You: And not even the astrological sign. I just like those animals.
Stranger: I'm a... I don't know.
Stranger: They are cool.
Stranger: James ?
You: However did you guess...
Stranger: ...
Stranger: What is your real name ?
You: That was an excellent guess. I am James. I am searching for my giant peach, but Arnold Layne ate it.
Stranger: Ohhh. Peaches are really sexy.
You: HUH!
Stranger: They are juicy.
You: HUH! HUH!
Stranger: Juicy pussy.
Stranger: Sorry.
You: STOP RIGHT THERE
Stranger: OKAY.
Stranger: SORRY.
You: I will write a limerick to describe the situation.
Stranger: What is a limerick...
Stranger: OUUUH.
Stranger: A poem.
You: There once was a girl named Kate,
Who desperately wanted a date,
But she acted rather strange,
And maybe a tad deranged,
So she'l just have to wait.
You have disconnected.

More nonsense. Worth skimming, at best...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
First to count to 5 without being interrupted win No cheating --> (12345
Stranger: 12345
You: shit
Stranger: Just got that before.
Stranger: Lol.
You: Well played.
You: You can pick up your prize at the door.
You: A rusty paperclip, I believe.
Stranger: I'll take the door-knob.
You: That'll do. But wait til I leave first.
Stranger: I don't want the paperclip.
You: I could get stuck in this dump all night.
Stranger: NO, I WANT IT NOW!
You: You need to learn patience, boy.
You: Don't make me whip out my belt.
Stranger: Okay.
You: My pants would drop, and that would get VERY tense.
Stranger: o.O
Stranger: *Backs away slowly*
You: can't keep your eyes off me, can you?
You: That's it. The belt's coming off. *Whoosh*
You: How do you like Commander Kielbasa?
Stranger: *Grabs door-knob and runs*
You: GIVE THAT BACK!! ITS NOT YOURS!
You: *Chases you without pants*
Stranger: YES IT IS, I WON IT!
You: You won the paperclip. Now, I will hurt you with it.
Stranger: Holyshit!
You: Put it under your big toe and kick a gorilla.
Stranger: *Hides under a rock*
You: I will smell you out. I have one HELL of a nose...
You: *sniff*
You: *sniff*
You: THERE YOU ARE!!!
Stranger: You have one hell of an odour, you mean.
You: Give me your toe or I'll take it by force.
Stranger: OHSHIT!
You: Odour? Are you some Brit?
Stranger: *Runs like hell*
You: I will be waiting for you in Leeds.
Stranger: Wait... DAMNIT.
Stranger: *Surrenders and hands over the door-knob*
You: Excellent. You do NOT have to kick the gorilla.
You: But, he would like a banana. And he aint getting Commander Kielbasa.
Stranger: -.-
You: Ok, fine. He can have it. Happy!?!?
Stranger: Yes, I'm exstatic. /sarcasm
You: You cannot do </sarcasm> without <sarcasm> first. Syntax error. everything crashes. The airbag is deployed.
Stranger: Oh great here we go again.
You: No. We're stopped.
You: The car is broken.
Stranger: You mean it ran out of gas.
You: The car may be out, but I still have plenty.
*Farts loudly*
Stranger: Great. Just great. I'm stuck in a car with a farting duck.
You: A duck? How the HELL did you know that?
Stranger: I'm a psychic.
You: More like psychotic. Hand me a quacker, i'm hungry!
Stranger: *hands you a quacker*
Stranger: *Calling triple-A*
You: How the hell did you know about my forum nick! Triple-A, the duck!
Stranger: Jesus bloody christ, I told you already.
You: Oh right, psychotic.
Stranger: Presactly!
You: Anyway, I got to run. Solly....
Stranger: Oh darned.
You have disconnected.

Yesterday I was so bored. I have no friends here yet and nothing to do in my free time so I tried this. But so funny as A10's isn't it. Anyway I tried!

You are now chatting with a random stranger. Say Hi!

You: Hi Random!
Str.Are you a girl?
Yo.No.
St. A guy then?
Yes Probably! What else is there?
St. What?
Yo. You could be an hermaphrodite.
St. What is that?
YO. I could be a snail-hermaphrodite.
St. Are you that sort of guy?

He disconnected.

Better luck here?

blabla.Yo. Hi Random I am Lisa.
St. Hi I am NOT called Random. I'm Steve from London.
Yu. Ok Steve from London. I am from Monday in Germany.
St. Are you here for cybersex?
Yu .What can that be?
St. We can talk about having sex.
yu. Why would we do that?
st: That is what people do here.
yo. But I would like to talk about euros and the problem in Greek-finances.
St. That isn't fun!
yo. No that is why we can seek for a solution. And it was more fun when we had the Marks. But these damn Euros...
St. We have pounds and I think we can keep them now. Noone want Euros here.
Yo. Just so. Do you think that we can get our Marks back?
St. I think that will be very difficult.
Yo. But, butt, if Hitler was alive he would never, never had left the mark to the Greeks. He would have bumbed them.
St. So you miss Hitler?
Yo. Yessss! I do! He was a German hero!
St. You can't talk like that here.
Yo Butt I just did.
St. I think we will stop here...
Disconnected.

Such a bore!


Blabla'
Yo. Hi i'm Random!
St. Hi I am Vojtjeck from Croatia.
Yo. Can we talk about the Euro-problem?
St. What? I don't know so much about that.
Yo. But I live in Ukraine and folks here want the Euro. I am Ivar Random.
St. You are joking.
Yo Never!
St I would like to talk to a girl and you are not a girl so I am out...

Disconnected. Again!

Blabla. Yo. Hi I am Random. I would like to talk about the German Europroblem with Greece.
St Not interested...

Disconnect. This was rather hopeless! But I didn't give up.

Blabla.Yo. Hi I am Random a beautiful girl that like to talk about cybersex.
St. Haha I am a girl too and live in Italy.
Yo. I was just joking, but everyone here seems to like sextalk so...Sorry! How is the Euro in Italy?
St. Euro? Haha. I don't have any and I must go now...

DISCONNECTED...

I must do something wrong or what is this? No one wants to talk to me. One last try.

Blabla.Yo. Hi Rndom I am Lisa from Germany.
St. Hi Lisa I am Henry from USA.
Yo. Hi Henry from USA. What do you know about European economy?
St. Not a shit. I didn't knew you had one. Haha. I have no money if that is what you are after.
Yo. Good heavens no. Us has a bigger dept than Germany. But I don't like Euron.
St Euron is that your dollars?
Yo. Good guess. Mark was better.
St. Mark? You had that before.
Yo. Yes, sometimes long ago. But now we have Euro and they are very bad. Do you know Stratovarius?
St. A violin?
Yo. No! A band. From Finland and they are the best band in the world.
St. I am not so sure where Finland is.
Yo May I ask how old you are Henry.
St I am 15.
Yo. So I can tell you that Finland is another name for Ukraine and is in Russia. Close to Guang-dong in China.
St. Aha. Do they play hockey?
Yo, Yes and I must go now.
Disconnect...

This was much more boring than all others have done here, so I think I give up. I have to look at my new TV, but,but there is a lotlot of bores there too. I am a bit homesick...

"I don't know," I say. "I think it's because I have a low threshold for disappointment."

"Of what sort?"

"Y'know. Social convention. That kind of thing."

"Why?" she asks. "It's not like you're doing the cotillion circuit, drinking tea with white gloves on."

"Fuck no," I reply, "but it still bothers me. I tune people out."

"You're not telling me anything."

"But I am. I'm trying to put my finger on what it is, exactly, that turns me off."

"Turns you off?" she asks. "I didn't think you were ever turned off, quite frankly."

"I'm not talking about sex here. I'm talking about the kind of shit that shuts down conversations. Why I don't socialize properly with people I don't know."

"People are mostly full of shit. Pompous."

"Sure," I say, "but that's not it, completely. I'll sit and listen to a blowhard if he's got something to say. I just..."

"What?"

"I can't stand when people butcher the language."

"Oh."

"Listen," I say. "You remember that skit on In Living Color where they had that jailbird dude who used all the big words that had nothing to do with what he was talking about?"

"No. I was like nine when that show came out."

"Whatever. They also had one where they had Mike Tyson saying all this stupid shit." Cue falsetto. "'It's ludicrous! It's so ludicrous I'm ecstatic!' Or when the real Mike Tyson got knocked out and said he was gonna 'fade into Bolivia.' See, that shit was good, but when regular people do it, it annoys the crap out of me."

"So," she says, "somebody misuses a word and you don't want to listen to them anymore?"

"It's not exactly like that. I'm big on slights."

"Slights?"

"Yeah," I reply. "Y'know, like getting slighted. People forget some social convention, like they don't say 'thank you' for something, and it's over. I'm done."

"What does one have to do with the other?"

"Nothing. I'm just trying, and obviously failing, to explain why I suddenly shut down in the middle of conversations."

"Because you're fucked up?"

"No," I say. "You know what it is?"

"What?"

"Cues. Verbal cues. I'm so hot and cold based on how the person's responding to what I'm saying."

"I noticed," she says.

"Yeah?"

"It's pretty obvious. Sometimes I wonder how you've managed to have so many friends."

"Oh, come on," I say. "I'm not talking about my friends. I'm talking about random, chance conversations with people I don't know. I set up so many barriers to effective conversation that I'm sensitive to every little thing the other person does."

"Which is why people generally think you're an asshole."

"They do?"

"I'm just going by what you've said."

"Well," I say, "I don't think it's entirely my fault."

"Oh no?"

"The world can help me out a little, you know? Be a little less tedious?"

"I know, dear. It's always them."

It was like looking into a key-hole, but you are still a riddle...