Stratovarius Community

AGAG wrote:That's bad. Is Pekka always like that?

What a shit! What a fuck!
Pekka right gentle man.
Sorry my changlish!

Ok. Chang make a rest. Chang write a report. Chang make a flight to Finland to see a scandinavia-beauty queen. You cannot see hÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖw excited was Chang, especially in yinjing.

I knock ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ house. "CHANG HERE! SORRY MY ENGLISH!" No one make a answer. I knock once. I knock twice. Finally, make a door opening. I make a toe-tip up stair to see my bride-to-be.

I come to ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ room and make a gentle open of door. SNOOOOORING like a vuvuzlea. BRRRRRRRRRRR! pss-psss-psss-psss. BRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! pss-pss-pss-pss. Chang make a walk to see face. ALL HAIR!!!! Fingers. ALL HAIR! ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ like a were-WIFE!!!

And then.....ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ wake up and make a scream like a hircine. She yell like a dialup modem, for PAPA!! PAPPA!! Chang make a panic flight downstair to flee home back to GUANGDONG. Chang go down stair 1. Chang go down stair two. Chang go down stair three. Chang reach FINAL STAIR and make a crash-land to his face.

Chang wake up on floor and look up. Gray-hair crazy man with big pot-belly calmly sit at desk in front of him. "AHH-just as I make a calculate" he say and enter figure on calculator (made in china!). I tell him "WHAT A SHIT! WHAT A FUCK"! HAIR-BRIDE!!

Old-man say. You did not see ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ. That was mamadonna. Bitch won't make an exit. ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ is lost. I say WHERE? WHERE MY BEAUTY???

Old man sigh. His thick, bushy eyebrow angle deep for serious-face. He say. ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ is stuck in goat anus. You must fetch. And he yelp. BRRRRR!!! Like a VASP in a GUITARRA. He yell BRRRR!!! And chang sprang as Hubble sang.


The puff of your pipe you must abate,
If you intend to hear what I calculate

I'll tell you of a crime so heinous:
How ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ was stuck in a goat anus

And you, yellow pipesmoker short and stout,
Do your very best to pull her out
If she slips out in a smooth slide,
Then she shall be your guangdong bride


And chang know....chang make a rescue of scandinavia-beauty out of goat arse. And arse seeing begin....

To be make a continue.
Sorry my Changlish!

Please keep us informed... two souls may starve if she doesn't get out of there fast! and of course all the other remaining metaphysical implications.. I'm depending on you. Can I call you Mr Pipe?

What a cliffhanger!

New fax from Crumb! PFN, to Commander Strutt!

PFN: Hi! Nurmi speaking! Here is my report!

ST: Si si! Have you got the man, who brought Chang to Finland?

PFN: No, not yet. But soon, soon! Today I have funny news about Chang. That idiot is writing on the Stratoforum, that persecutes me, and he seems to be far over the mountains now. He has eaten our Alien-china-anti-homo-onthecontrary-hetero-pills and has left his boyfriend. Strange enough has a Salvadorian young poet got the same drug, and swish, swish, he, that earlier was a gay gay, is now a travesti hetero.

As an effect of the pills, Chang now raves about that girl I once kidnapped, and they have told him that she is stuck with a goat. (How annoyingly stupid can someone be? ) She is of course hiding in her house and I happened to put a camera-microphone there and can see that she drinks the tea Chang gave her. It is an Alien-china-rhinoceros-viagra-tea and it works in an inexplicable way on girls. She, that earlier was so enchanted with my darling, is now attracted to our Chang. And she sings to two shapeless, shadowy things in a shoebox. It goes like this!

I love Chong so,

I will never let him go,

He is my man, My yellow Robotman,

He is my man,

I will make him my yan-san,

We will live in Youkatan,

He is my man,

I will be his number one,

His favourite among his concubine.(s , doesn't rhyme))

St: That is incredible. Reality is actually much stranger, than the most eccentric storyteller could find up. I am very intrigued and like to hear more about our Seducer-Chang and his drugs in your next report.

PFN: Jaja! Then I hope to have found the scoundrel that cheated Chang to go to Finland.

Hello, hi, yes. CHANG speaking. Chang make great excitement after last story. Chang take a pipe-smoke rest and continue.

Chang leave hubble brown-house with shoulder-slump (and yinjing slump) to find bride. Chang walk for mile and mile to Finno-Russia border. And chang find a goat herd.

So chang take fist and stick into goat arse. Chang make a pull. Chang make a grab. Nothing except Hircine cry of MAYUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!! Chang even look inside to peek.

Chang check arse of each goat and cry and cry for finland-beauty. After goat the 15th, a man goatherd maek a run for chang scream "WHAT YOU SAY! WHAT A SHIT YOU DO TO GOAT! WHAT A FUCK!"

Chang make an explain. My girlfriend stuck, I must yank her out. For her I do this all. And for yinjing. And this goatfarmer, Paska Nurmi??? Chang do not make a write and forget. Anyway Paska drive out Chang, sputtering Changlish all the way to explain, out of herd.

Chang walk back to hubble house cover brown in goatshit and fur. Chang again knock on door. NO ANSWERS! chang walk upstair and old man Hubble, still in pipesmoke, cry "SASQUATCH" and KICK CHONG DOWN STAIR!!

Chang wake up in bed with wire from brain to machine. Hubble calculating 24/7 Chang brain pattern. I explain "HELLO!!! HELLO HELLO HI!!! IT IS CHANG" I yell "I meet paska nurmi...no goat!!" and he make a serious face. He calculate I am a posession of Paska!!!" and do not let me make an exit...

And hubble sing,

So Chang arrived from Beijjing,
Seeking pleasures for his YINJING,
He left for my daughter but what did he bring?
goatshit and fur, but no wedding ring

He met a man he calls Paska Nurmi,
But I have an idea of who he might be...
He wants green card, but he'll be a deportee,
go back to guangdong and drink your green tea


To be continues. Sorry my Changlish!

Jaja! Really something to come home to! A statement from Chang and a fax from Crumb.

PFN: Hi Commander! Here things are happening fast. The Chinesedisaster Chang has been in trouble again and this time it hit me. He came trudgeing laboriously along the border, and he was an alien sight, in the wilderness. I pretended not to know him and in his muddled mind he didn't recognize me. He called me "Plaska" I think.

St: Why "Plaska"?

PFN: Who knows what happens among those screws?

St: But what did he want from you?

PFN: Jaja, now happened peculiar things. He went to my goats and talked to them. "Hi, little goats", he said."What do you have in your anus? Do you hide my bride in there, you ugly, smelling beasts?" And then he made the most appalling thing you can think of. He put his fist in the rectum of the wildly mäbäing goats...

St. He what? Why on Earth and Excessa did he do that? Was it some sort of Chinesehobby he has? Goatanuspenetration?

PFN: God knows! I screamed that he must stop, and he said that his girlfriend was stuck in a goatanus and that he was there to rescue her. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? Looking for his girlfriend in my goats anus?

St: So what did you do?

PFN: I had to chase him away, with a stick, and he was rather sour and not sweet at all. (nr16). He screamed for yinjing and I have no idea what it is. Have you?

St: Sorry no. Revenge maybe? And where is he now?

PFN: In my camera I could see that he went home to the calculator and with a little help from him our Chang fell down the stairs. Again! He is not suited for stairs. He smelled badly from my goats, so they gave him a bath. There he got short-circuit in his big system, from the water and the calculator had to mend him temporarily.

St: So, what happens now?

PFN: Honestly, I don't know. As long as the girl drinks his drugtea she thinks he is the love of her life, but, but, the supply is almost finished now and...Her father is not amused and I am sure he has done some calcules.

St: It sounds really promising. You must tell me, as soon something happens. This is Earthlife in skyhigh potence...

Stratowarius wrote: Jaja! Really something to come home to! A statement from Chang and a fax from Crumb.

We're doing a hell of a lot for the world.
This entire thread should be archived in the Smithsonian.

I am still concerned about the goat's anus, has Chang cleaned his hands before he touched the food??

No. He never wash's his hands or anything else either, but we forcebathed him and all his fuses went, so I had to solder him up in all his circuits. It was a hell of a jobb since he floundered all the time, but it has to be ok, till he can be more properly mended by some robotworkshop.

But the answer to you question is, No No washing of hands before touching food. Many colibacteries go quietly around our house now. Goatcolits...And the poor goats has Chongbacteries which is maybe worse...

Much luck with that. Most people die if they drink enough bleach, that's a heads up

That being said, I have to go and wait for my soul now... I can feel how his heart is broken to pieces from here. I won't sleep much tonight. Bye for now.. nice moon.

I love NEA! But I hate Neverendingstories. So I was very happy when Crumb sent me this sort of concluding fax.

PFN: Hi commander! Now the fan has hit the shithouse. Again!

Strutt: Tell me, tell me!

PFN: I told you about the Chang-tea-drug, that made the girl crazy for the little yellow man! Ja?. But Mr ÖHubble is a sly man, so he changed the tea. He gave Chang the drug-tea and the girl a blend of some Liptons. Noone noticed, but the girl woke up and saw Chang, as he was. She was so appalled, that she puked and puked and puked again.
Chang on the other hand got very lovesick, but his earlier sexpreferences came to life. He threw himself in mr ÖHubbles arms and kissed him violently. He even made an attempt to pull down the calculators trousers.
Mr ÖHubble had expected some reaction, but not this and he screamed with his thin lips for his daughters help. She that just had finished the puking came dashing with a vacum-cleaner-handle, that she hammered Chang with. Her father threw a vase with flowers at the Chinese, that fell down. Then they lifted him and cast him down the stairs. Again! But this time they had no intention of mending him and the robot changed to a heap of broken parts.
Now I realized that I had to do something, so I went there and the girl recognized me at once. She started to accuse me of every evil thing that has happened in the world, plagues, wars, earthquakes...
But when I told her that I would help them to get rid of the Chinese she calmed down. " Take out the monster",she said. "It was A10 that brought him here and he ougth to take him away".
I was stunned, but suddenly the whole picture was clear. My darling! My muffinsbaker! My uglybirdfryer! I couldn't help it, my eyes were filled with tears. But I had to compose myself, so I put Chang in a big box and took him to the Siberian rail-road-station. I wrote FRAGIL in big letters and addressed him to Guangdong. By,by, Chong!
But what to do with my darling?

St: You have promised to kill the traitor...

PFN: Jaja, but I take that back. I will hide him at the farm and noone will ever have problems with him again. Cross my heart and hope to die.

St: Si,si, I am not much for death-penalty, so keep him by all means, and take him with you when you are going back to Excessa-together with the ugly birds. Haha!


On the far away Excessa they will live happily in all their days and this was the end of this sad-glad story. Those who oppose can do so as best they want. This end stays...

AAAAAAAAAA wrote:

Stratowarius wrote: Jaja! Really something to come home to! A statement from Chang and a fax from Crumb.

We're doing a hell of a lot for the world.

This entire thread should be archived in the Smithsonian.

It's the spermwhales and humpbacks that have been going at it recently that make it so well.

Stratowarius wrote:

AAAAAAAAAA wrote:

Stratowarius wrote: Jaja! Really something to come home to! A statement from Chang and a fax from Crumb.

We're doing a hell of a lot for the world.

This entire thread should be archived in the Smithsonian.

It's the spermwhales and humpbacks that have been going at it recently that make it so well.

Of course NOT. What an idea.

I suppose I should have seen that coming...

What about the goat's ass? did it stretch out nicely or what?

AGAG wrote:What about the goat's ass? did it stretch out nicely or what?

It was limber and spry. Thank you for your concern.

How do you know? are you related to this whole mazething?

AGAG wrote:How do you know? are you related to this whole mazething?

Chang sent me a message on an obscure chinese social networking site, detailing the incident. Is the detective satisfied?

No. I'll need you to post the message, a detailed description of the goat's ass, Chang's ID, and an HD picture of your haunches with extra olive oil

AGAG wrote:No. I'll need you to post the message

Message Date: 8/12/2010
From: Chang C. Chong
To: AAAAAAAAAA
Subject: What a shit!

Hello AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Chong make a fastwright. Chang make a plan to pull down calculator pant to see Yinjing. Haha. He cry with thin lip. "What a shit! What a fuck!" Very funny! Now sexy-calculator upset. Make him a "Hot and Sour" thinlipsoup. Maybe I find guangdongian girlfriend....or find china-doll from BEG. Jaja!

Anyway, goat ass open easy and neat. See these video Chang sent. Arse like thin lips of Hubble. I reach in with fist to find Helsinki-beauty. smooth and silk, like guangdong fishliveroil on chinaman microphallus. Descend problem!!

AAA, I see your pic. You gain weight. You have huge BUTT Lose a weight or two! Usual, sorry my CHANGLISH!

Chang C. Chong

AGAG wrote:a detailed description of the goat's ass

The goat's ass was covered in a thick layer of wool, and it took some bushwacking to get to the anus. Chang grabbed a buttock with each hand and violently jerked the cheeks apart, revealing a dark orifice reeking of a pungent odor. As he boldly plunged his fist deep into the rectum of the hircine like a lion chasing a hapless gazelle, the eyes of the beast widened with a mix of fear and pleasure. The former increased and the latter subsided as the fist deeply thrusted into the smooth, silky insides of the anus, deeper, deeper, and deeper still, clawing at his insides, praying to find a lock of his Finnish beauty's hair to yank out as a sign of hope.

AGAG wrote:Chang's ID

AGAG wrote:an HD picture of your haunches with extra olive oil

This should do the trick...

You're thorough. The description leaves nothing to suspense to, The ID could be clearer, but do you call THAT an HD picture?? I can barely see the olive near the abyss both cheeks describe. It's all metaphorical and suggestive as shit..

I've noticed an uncanny similiarity between A10 and NEA...

Jaja. Not that strange! They are sisters...

I had hoped that I had reported the last about PFN, but apparantly in vain. For here is a new fax from Crumb. It seems to never end!

PFN: Hi, Nurmi speaking! I have a new problem now! But with the same fucking Dongadongdine, the yellow submarin. Sorry rhyme again!

St: Jaja. Very funny. But wasn't he skipped to rust in Siberia or to that Gong-something that rhyme on Dong?

PFN: Jaja,to Chong-Gong, But not for Long, they fixed him with a Song, and he suddenly was very Strong, and can't wait to do me Wrong. He is waiting for that yinjing he was screaming about(revenge as we translated it). He has sent at least ten cousins here to give yinjing. I saw some yellow rainbowshit in the forest and understood at once. Then I have seen them sneaking around the farm and I called out"Halloooo", in changlish, but they didn't answer, so I shoot into the bushes. Ouing..yinjing.. a screwball, with shrill voice, produced a startling effect, before he fell down. Dead!

St: Not so good! Not so good at all! We must avoid attention to every cost. So you have to kill the rest of the cousins too. Do you think they are robots?

PFN: Jaja of course. Massproduced in Chinafactory by robotchildren. High-tech, with yellow skin and everythin.

St: Apropos robots and the stupid taxmoneyeater Nasa! Have you heard that they have made a robot for "Moonwalking". Ready 2020. Hahaha. they have built some expensive "Lunar Oxygen Testbed". Hahaha...

PFN: Haha! They are a bit late! Aren't they? Haha! And they will never admit my triumph there. The moonfuckers. Haha!

St: Ja,ja we must try to come over that. Go now out and shoot those evil yellowcoloured humanimitations...

PFN: Yes sire! And then there will be a lot of digging and dancing on graves, for me and my darling. Wish me a good hunt, high and low...

St: Selbstverständlich...

I always think I got the last fax about Pekka and so suddenly there is a new one. Today I got an alarming message from Crumb and it seems as the romantic atmosphere, on the goatfarm, at the border, is fading.


PFN: Strutt, Strutt, you must help me. My darling has escaped. He has left me and is on his way to Helsinki. You must locate him for me, with your Earthsatellite.

St: But, but, I thought he loved you for ever.

PFN: Jaja, of course he does! This was just a little tiff. He didn't like all the Chinesekilling, the diggings, that hurt his back, and the dancing on the graves, that disturbed his religious upbringing. But maybe more important was that he had now got some new European ideas about who shall be on the top. I am sure we could have sorted that out, but he has been so restless lately and he want to see "people" and not only goats.

St: That I can really understand. Goats are among the most boring creatures on the Earth, even whales are funnier.

PFN: I thought my love would be enough, but now I am not even sure he will follow me to Excessa. Then the muffinbakery and the turkeybreeding will not be.

St: So, so, it can still happen! But we must find him first and I will start the search immediately.




Poor, poor Pekka! As if he hadn't enough on his plate as it was...

Are this faxes some hidden way of torture for Pekka?

Sorry! I don't understand? Hidden? He is on this Forum this minute. I can feel it. So Hidden? No. He likes this, since it shows that he is alive, out there in the wilderness, with his only real friends -the goats. But it was hard for him when his Darling escaped, that is for sure...

That Darling of his must have been a Heartbraker or cowblooded ... Poor him Can you send my regards to both of them and wish them nice marital aid?

Since when have ID's told if the person is ugly or not.

He has already read your greetings and I am sure he is grateful to you. Jaja I can feel a little sorrow for him, but he is a scoundrel and will always be a scoundrel, so he can have it. He has made his own bed and now he has to be lying in the shit. I just say HAHAHAHAAAA. He has a wife on Excessa and a baby coming, so he has no reason to mourn "Earthdarlingses" here. He can take one of the poor goats...