Telling jokes

Electric Eye · Post by **Electric Eye** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:56 pm

Young geography teacher starts her first lesson, a bit under stress and hesistant:
- Good morning children, today I am going to tell you something about globe.
- Get lost you old fu#$!g bi$#h ! - scream all the kids.
With tears in her eyes she runs out of the class straight to the headmaster's room to complain.
- Well, my dear colleague - trying to calm her down - I'll show you how should we treat with them.
- Hi, you little bastards - says headmasters as they return to the classroom.
- Hi, you old sucker - replies children.
- Today you learn how to put a condom on the globe.
- The globe? - ask astonished kids - What the fu#! is the globe?
- That's what we start with !

NeonVomit · Post by **NeonVomit** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 3:09 am

My alcohol induced clarity will allow me to say, that is probably the most apallingly awful joke i've ever read or heard anywhere.

Keep up the good work!

Electric Eye · Post by **Electric Eye** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 11:10 pm

really? I thought it's funny. A bit of psychology and advice for teachers, with tongue in cheek, of course. No offense was meant.
I start this topic for telling jokes, but it looks like there are no other to share... I know, my topics sucks...

stratoplayer · Post by **stratoplayer** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 11:32 pm

gee cop your eyes are glazed have you been eating doughnuts???

HvyMtlClickWitch · Post by **HvyMtlClickWitch** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 4:52 am

I'm sorry. I don't know any jokes.

Oh wait. I know one joke but it sucks.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? "See you next month!"

Holy mother of Dio, that's so horrible.

Beast_Pete · Post by **Beast_Pete** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 11:17 am

(1717+15)

@Witch: at first I was wondering, why was this funny? Was it another bad American joke? Then after 6 seconds...

Paulo · Post by **Paulo** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 1:59 pm

lol. Me too!

Shite joke alert: Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.

htcdude · Post by **htcdude** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 2:05 pm

OK if this is the lame joke area.....

Why didn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?

Cos he had no guts!

StratoHeart · Post by **StratoHeart** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 2:53 pm

Wow, there is just shit here!!!!

Well, here comes another:

What did the skeleton say to the barman?

"Please, give me a BEER and a BUCKET"

StratoHeart · Post by **StratoHeart** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 2:58 pm

Why does the dumb woman masturbate with only one hand?

Because with the other one she moans!!!!

Veripalttu · Post by **Veripalttu** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 3:13 pm

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

HvyMtlClickWitch · Post by **HvyMtlClickWitch** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 3:55 pm

Anyone know any dead baby jokes? I used to have a slew of them, but i seem to have forgotten them all...I love dead baby jokes.

Equinox · Post by **Equinox** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:08 pm

What is a red dot on a cradle?

A baby chewing a knife.

Mormegil · Post by **Mormegil** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:50 pm

HvyMtlClickWitch wrote:What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? "See you next month!"

That was bad.

I think this is one hell of a big joke:

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

luriah · Post by **luriah** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:56 pm

Equinox wrote:What is a red dot on a cradle?

A baby chewing a knife.

and what is a green dot on a cradle?

The same baby week later.

NeonVomit · Post by **NeonVomit** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:59 am

Why did the man fall off his bicycle?

Because someone threw a fridge at him.

@Witch: That is sick and funny

HvyMtlClickWitch · Post by **HvyMtlClickWitch** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 6:48 am

NeonVomit wrote:Why did the man fall off his bicycle?

Because someone threw a fridge at him.

WTF?

Some moron in one of my classes today turned around randomly and told me a joke. As if i've ever spoken to him. Point being, it SUCKED. So here it is:

What do you call four Spanish women who can't swim?

Quatro sinko.

Oh, the PAIN!!

StratoLink · Post by **StratoLink** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:44 am

-Mommy, mommy i don't like my grandapa...

-Shut up and keep eating.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Mommy i will play with my grandma.

-Ok, but put her on her cofee when you are done with her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Daddy, Daddy, i want a bicycle for my birthday.

-*Sigh, why don't you ask for a pair of legs first, STUPID!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

*A kid is riding his bicycle at the front of his house.

-Look mom, i am riding without hands!....
Look mom, i am riding without legs!...
Look mom, i am riding without Teeths!...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

*The phone rings...
*A woman gets the phone...
-Hi....
-Hi, we are calling from the hospital, sadly, your husband had an accident, please come ASAP to the hospital.
*The woman goes to the hospital...
-OH god, hi doctor what happened to my husband oh god *cries, please tell me that he doesn't have problems from his belly to his legs...
-No no, mrs, don't worry your husband doesnt have problems there.
-Oh thanks good!, but how do you know that doctor?
-Cuz we don't have that part from his body here in the hospital yet, only his head.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for the bad jokes and for the bad english

Paulo · Post by **Paulo** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:00 pm

What's worse than 20 babies in a bin?
One baby in twenty bins.

Ithankyouverymuch!

But wait! There's more!

What sits at the end of the bed and takes the piss?
- Kidney dialysis machine.

What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?
- The wheelchair.

What's blue and fucks grannies?
- Hypothermia.

Paulo · Post by **Paulo** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:09 pm

Oh yeah also... *points to sig*

And while we're on that topic:

What do you call a Japanese car thief?
- Tomitukamota

What do you call two Spannish firemen?
- Hose and Hose B

What do you call a Russian naked barbed wire hurdler?
- Itora Bollokov

Oh there's more. Believe me.

Mormegil · Post by **Mormegil** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:21 pm

A criminal commanded his gang to plunder Judas Priest singer:
"Rob Halford!"

Paulo · Post by **Paulo** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:39 pm

What do you call an Indian Karaoke champion?
- Gerrupta Singh

*Question - How sick are we going for in this topic?

Sknight2112 · Post by **Sknight2112** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 6:59 am

HvyMtlClickWitch wrote:Anyone know any dead baby jokes? I used to have a slew of them, but i seem to have forgotten them all...I love dead baby jokes.

whats the difference between a cadillac and a plie of dead babies?

...

I dont have a cadillac in my garage......

I had a friend I knew at my old school who had a list of about 100 of them, thats the only i remeber though...

iron_thunder · Post by **iron_thunder** » Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:39 am

HvyMtlClickWitch wrote:
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? "See you next month!"

*pukes*

sigh, i love joke topics. rock on, kids. i'll try to think of some when i'm less lazy and tired!

EDIT: I know tons of dead baby jokes, but... I'm too PC to say any of them ...

Before the site got shut down, some people at my highschool frequented deadbabyjokes.com ... including some of the teachers... (it was that kind of school).
That cadillac one was a favorite.

Equinox · Post by **Equinox** » Fri May 13, 2005 6:25 am

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