OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

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OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by StratoLink » Fri Jan 06, 2006 9:43 am

Hi all, first of all, this isn't another stupid game, so if you were hoping for a 10 pages thread game, hit Alt+F4 now.

If you are reading this, then you care, oks, lets get into topic.

Today I want you all to read this, if you don't read it, then you are worse than Equinox, and that IS saying a lot.

Ladies and gentleman the "Real Men"....

REAL MEN

Real men are hard to come by these days. More often than not, you've got a bunch of pussy metrosexual assholes running around being fudgepackers, carrying on about gay pride and the great deals they got on purses at Macy's. In response, I have composed a list that gives tribute and glory to real men, present and past. To be a real man, you must:

1.) Have a penis, and an exceptionally large one helps.
2.) Eat hot sauce on everything.
3.) Have a penis, and an exceptionally large one helps.
4.) Have an affectionate name for your penis.
5.) PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS

Real men are as follows:

BOB BARKER:

Image

A totally kick-ass golf player with his own TV show. He practically owns CBS and The Price is Right. Not only that, but he has "Barker's Beauties" who follow him around and bend over to pick things up for him. A lot. And by a lot, I mean picking up his penis with their crouch type area. And by crouch type area, I mean vagina, and lots of it. This man also supports the maiming of small animals such as dogs and cats. It's even his motto. "Remember, have your pet maimed by small household appliances. G'bye everybody!" Or something like that.

BILL CLINTON:

Image

What's there to say about this man? Bill Clinton has banged more office secretaries than the number of penis pill advertismenets I receive in my e-mail everyday. And that's a whole hell of a lot. Secretaries bend over all the time to pick up things for Clinton. And by picking up things, I mean having hot, raunchy office sex with him. The man was cleared from a presidential impeachment trial by simpling pointing out that the definition of the word "is" is debatable. He also eats Big Macs by the dozen, and stops up the toilet every time he takes a dump.

FRANK SINATRA:

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This man's voice and charisma helps men get laid all over the world. He drank lots of booze with his buddies in the Ratpack and gambled on everything. His song, "Love and Marriage" is the theme song for the badass show Married with Children, in which Al Bundy tries to work and pay bills to feed and cloth his obnoxious kids and wife. Women bent over to serve him drinks at his table all the time. And by serving him drinks, I really mean gin, wine, and scotch, you sick fucks.

YOUR MOM:

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Yes. Your mom has more balls than you ever will. Not only has she cared for your lazy ass, cleaning up your shit and feeding you, but she also gave birth to you. I don't think any man could suffer the immense pain your mother went through to push a half pound baby out of her vagina (I know babies generally weigh more than a half pound. A lot more. I was insinuating that you were a failed abortion. Your mother also has the balls to beat the shit out of you when you're being a dumbass, something a lot of people lack. And yes, your mom does have a bigger penis than you.

JESUS CHRIST:

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Yea, so a couple thousand years ago, this guy was all like, "I've got it! Let's all be nice to each other for a change!" So he walked around from place to place and told people about being nice, and told stories about assholes who got what they deserved in the end. The big church boss guys were all like, "HEY! He's full of shit! Let's arrest him!" So they had one of Jesus's friends lead him into a trap where they arrested him and threw him in prison. Jesus couldn't really grasp why the guys didn't understand the simple concept of being nice. While in prison, the guys beat the hell out of Jesus with all kinds whips and sharp objects and a crown of sharp pointy things and stuff. And did Jesus give up and die like a puss? Hell no, he took it like a man, and was even crucified in the end.

RON JEREMY:

Image

The man's a sex icon. A bad day at his job can be considered banging less than 30 whores at once. His penis is at least 13 inches, and rumored to be more. In fact, I heard once his penis was as long as his leg, and used as a third arm. He can walk through his house and flip on switches, grab a beer out of the fridge, lasso a few cattle, and write a letter with just his penis. Any real man's dream.

OTHER HONORABLE MENTIONS:

* Equinox's Boyfriend
* Al Pacino (Scarface, The Godfather)
* Brandon Vedas (I told u I was hardcore)
* Gene Wilder (Young Frankenstein, Willy Wonka)
* Any Lumberjack, Pirate and/ or Ninja (By Default)
* Your Grandmother

Well I lol'd, if you didn't, again, you are worse than Equinox.

Have a nice day.
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will l

Post by Cristiane » Fri Jan 06, 2006 2:51 pm

:lol: poor Equi!

Nice topic btw, I laughed a lot here!! thanks!

did you write all that or took from some where else? The way you wrote reminds me a lot of Maddox way of writing.
btw, Maddox is this guy here, who wrote the funniest stuff I read about webcam whores ever:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net ... =cam_whore

thanks to 5thtea sausage who posted the link once.
StratoLink wrote:
To be a real man, you must:

1.) Have a penis, and an exceptionally large one helps.
2.) Eat hot sauce on everything.
3.) Have a penis, and an exceptionally large one helps.
4.) Have an affectionate name for your penis.
5.) PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS
How about some brains? That would help too! :D
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by browneyedgirl » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:29 pm

Great Post, StratoLink, that brightened my day! And you are so right about Mothers! :lol: :lol: :lol:
But-not Ron Jeremy----Randy Spears! ;)
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by Dave » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:51 pm

Hah great. I've lol'ed many times--but don't you have anything else to do than wasting your time with writing that? :P
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by MetalAngel » Fri Jan 06, 2006 4:17 pm

:roll:

I don't know why guys (and 1 girl at least) laugh when someone is talking about sex. That's not really funny. For the mum's thing I agree at 100%. Mums have always guts to be mothers. But, I don't see what is funny inside... :?
Toutes choses étant égales, par ailleurs, la solution la plus simple est toujours la meilleure.

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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by Cristiane » Fri Jan 06, 2006 6:29 pm

MetalAngel wrote::roll:

I don't know why guys (and 1 girl at least) laugh when someone is talking about sex. That's not really funny. For the mum's thing I agree at 100%. Mums have always guts to be mothers. But, I don't see what is funny inside... :?
It is funny because it is ironical =)
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by MetalAngel » Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:41 pm

I understand, but why talking about sex?
Toutes choses étant égales, par ailleurs, la solution la plus simple est toujours la meilleure.

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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by StratoLink » Fri Jan 06, 2006 7:43 pm

MetalAngel, STFU, you should have hit ALT+F4, anyways, I didn't WRITE this, so don't come like "OMG I Goggle'd it and Stratolink is teh liar" I found this legendary writtings of a guy on a website. SO ARE YOU READING FAILED ABORT I DIDN'T WRITE THIS, THIS IS PURE COPY PASTE. Well with some Equi edits 'n' shit you know :D
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will l

Post by Equinox » Fri Jan 06, 2006 11:55 pm

Cristiane wrote::lol: poor Equi!
Yeah, tell me about it...
He's like..stalking me.
Dominicans.Image

Anyway, it made me smiled StratoLink.
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will l

Post by StratoLink » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:41 am

Equinox wrote:
Cristiane wrote::lol: poor Equi!
Yeah, tell me about it...
He's like..stalking me.
Dominicans.Image

Anyway, it made me smiled StratoLink.
Your english is SO bad, you should have said....

"Anyway, it made me SMILE StratoLinkGod" <------ thats the right way n00b.
Stratovarius, The best power-melodic-symphonic metal band ever.
The legend of Zelda, The Best Game Ever.
Devil May Cry 3 Best Action Game Ever.
"I love this!, this is for what i live for!, I am absolutely crazy about it!!!"- Dante.

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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will l

Post by Dave » Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:00 am

StratoLink wrote:
Equinox wrote:
Cristiane wrote::lol: poor Equi!
Yeah, tell me about it...
He's like..stalking me.
Dominicans.Image

Anyway, it made me smiled StratoLink.
Your english is SO bad, you should have said....

"Anyway, it made me SMILE StratoLinkGod" <------ thats the right way n00b.
Dammit you're so perkele.
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will l

Post by Equinox » Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:10 am

Dave wrote:Dammit you're so perkele.
U're damn right he's perkele. (Whatever that means :P)
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by Bones » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:40 pm

We have explained the word 'perkele' so many times :D

Perkele is simply finnish swearing word that means some kind of devil and I can say that he was one of the original finnish gods :evil: So this guy can't be perkele. :roll:

This post was quite funny anyway :P
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will l

Post by iron_thunder » Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:05 pm

Cristiane wrote:
How about some brains? That would help too! :D
Indeed!!

er... i'm not very interested in the big penis thing.

though it's true... moms do kick ass :D
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by browneyedgirl » Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:17 pm

What is the name of that guy who was the Porno king of the 80s, but became a musician, briefly? Anyway, he has Ron Jeremy beat(no pun intended)....I always thought he was cute. ;)
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by iron_thunder » Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:19 pm

browneyedgirl wrote: Anyway, he has Ron Jeremy beat(no pun intended)....

HAHAHA you crack me up :lol:


Anyway i don't know who that is :? i mean, the guywho became a porn star briefly...
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by browneyedgirl » Sun Jan 08, 2006 7:11 pm

iron_thunder wrote:
browneyedgirl wrote: Anyway, he has Ron Jeremy beat(no pun intended)....

HAHAHA you crack me up :lol:


Anyway i don't know who that is :? i mean, the guywho became a porn star briefly...

Well, Tommy Lee was a musician who became a porn star briefly---but, this guy was a porn star for many years, then became a musician&had his own band for awhile.
Man, I must be going senile, because I have seen many of his movies, of course I was not paying that much attention to his name or his face, for that matter! :red: :facial: :oops: :lol:
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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by browneyedgirl » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:21 am

TOM BYRON!!!:rvd: I knew it would cum to me if I thought enough! =P

Image

Image

So, keep Ron Jeremy, my choice is Tom Byron for 'tha man! :jump: :)
"Your life is yours, and yours alone. Rise up and live it!"

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Re: OMFG Teh Read-Me-Cuz-I-Am-Damn-Funny Thread. (you will lol)

Post by StragOvariuS » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:48 am

browneyedgirl wrote:TOM BYRON!!!:rvd: I knew it would cum to me if I thought enough! =P
Calm down...take it easy... 8)
Churrasqueiro Reinassance!!!

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