If you are reading this, then you care, oks, lets get into topic.
Today I want you all to read this, if you don't read it, then you are worse than Equinox, and that IS saying a lot.
Ladies and gentleman the "Real Men"....
REAL MEN
Real men are hard to come by these days. More often than not, you've got a bunch of pussy metrosexual assholes running around being fudgepackers, carrying on about gay pride and the great deals they got on purses at Macy's. In response, I have composed a list that gives tribute and glory to real men, present and past. To be a real man, you must:
1.) Have a penis, and an exceptionally large one helps.
2.) Eat hot sauce on everything.
3.) Have a penis, and an exceptionally large one helps.
4.) Have an affectionate name for your penis.
5.) PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS
Real men are as follows:
BOB BARKER:
A totally kick-ass golf player with his own TV show. He practically owns CBS and The Price is Right. Not only that, but he has "Barker's Beauties" who follow him around and bend over to pick things up for him. A lot. And by a lot, I mean picking up his penis with their crouch type area. And by crouch type area, I mean vagina, and lots of it. This man also supports the maiming of small animals such as dogs and cats. It's even his motto. "Remember, have your pet maimed by small household appliances. G'bye everybody!" Or something like that.
BILL CLINTON:
What's there to say about this man? Bill Clinton has banged more office secretaries than the number of penis pill advertismenets I receive in my e-mail everyday. And that's a whole hell of a lot. Secretaries bend over all the time to pick up things for Clinton. And by picking up things, I mean having hot, raunchy office sex with him. The man was cleared from a presidential impeachment trial by simpling pointing out that the definition of the word "is" is debatable. He also eats Big Macs by the dozen, and stops up the toilet every time he takes a dump.
FRANK SINATRA:
This man's voice and charisma helps men get laid all over the world. He drank lots of booze with his buddies in the Ratpack and gambled on everything. His song, "Love and Marriage" is the theme song for the badass show Married with Children, in which Al Bundy tries to work and pay bills to feed and cloth his obnoxious kids and wife. Women bent over to serve him drinks at his table all the time. And by serving him drinks, I really mean gin, wine, and scotch, you sick fucks.
YOUR MOM:
Yes. Your mom has more balls than you ever will. Not only has she cared for your lazy ass, cleaning up your shit and feeding you, but she also gave birth to you. I don't think any man could suffer the immense pain your mother went through to push a half pound baby out of her vagina (I know babies generally weigh more than a half pound. A lot more. I was insinuating that you were a failed abortion. Your mother also has the balls to beat the shit out of you when you're being a dumbass, something a lot of people lack. And yes, your mom does have a bigger penis than you.
JESUS CHRIST:
Yea, so a couple thousand years ago, this guy was all like, "I've got it! Let's all be nice to each other for a change!" So he walked around from place to place and told people about being nice, and told stories about assholes who got what they deserved in the end. The big church boss guys were all like, "HEY! He's full of shit! Let's arrest him!" So they had one of Jesus's friends lead him into a trap where they arrested him and threw him in prison. Jesus couldn't really grasp why the guys didn't understand the simple concept of being nice. While in prison, the guys beat the hell out of Jesus with all kinds whips and sharp objects and a crown of sharp pointy things and stuff. And did Jesus give up and die like a puss? Hell no, he took it like a man, and was even crucified in the end.
RON JEREMY:
The man's a sex icon. A bad day at his job can be considered banging less than 30 whores at once. His penis is at least 13 inches, and rumored to be more. In fact, I heard once his penis was as long as his leg, and used as a third arm. He can walk through his house and flip on switches, grab a beer out of the fridge, lasso a few cattle, and write a letter with just his penis. Any real man's dream.
OTHER HONORABLE MENTIONS:
* Equinox's Boyfriend
* Al Pacino (Scarface, The Godfather)
* Brandon Vedas (I told u I was hardcore)
* Gene Wilder (Young Frankenstein, Willy Wonka)
* Any Lumberjack, Pirate and/ or Ninja (By Default)
* Your Grandmother
Well I lol'd, if you didn't, again, you are worse than Equinox.
Have a nice day.
poor Equi! 
So this guy can't be perkele. 
:facial: 
