Neverending Story [Game]

[AGAG]

I am actually in THAT mood when I cry uncontrollably at the thought of someone that has fever in a very cold enviroment." So he decided to fight Pekka and his anus ghosts with the help of Mr Hubble and the girl. Hubble knew that the poet will need a huge quantity of laxatives and ass enemas just to get the main parasties out and that the survival chances were actually pretty low. He told the poet, trying to make him change his mind butt it was useless "I'm already decided and I don't have much to loose.. I gave up on dogs already so I have to find a new meaning now... and also If I survive, I will give good use to all that anchorite food I bought, I will not let it all rot back home.. Bring the enemas mr Ö!" And so he did. The days went by fast. The full force enemas were not working at all and the poet was in a very bad condition. Mr Hubble had to start with the heavy duty laxatives but the shitpoet did not improve his condition, his face was pale and he could barely talk. The third day it started to snow almost sarcastically in the town. The girl said "Oh dear, Oh dear.." every now and then from a corner and Hubble kept a mad stare when he tried to calculate any solution for this problem. From the anus channel of the salvadoran, malicious laughters could be heard all the time, like when children dress for halloween and hide in corners, waiting for someone to spook. Hubble was serious and was talking with his daughter on a snow morning: "It seems that Pekka might win this time... the thought is disgusting and I just...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Oh dear oh dear, wait till I come home again! I will save you and gosh what those bastardparasites will suffer. No laughs from them anymore that's for sure.. ..

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

papa Ö was worried:"That damn Nurmi, I could kill him with my bare hands, and those laughing ghost I would love to put in boiling oil and serve to the cat."
"The poet is as pale as Dantes friend, Virgil, just when they are going into the gate under "Abandon all hopes".said the girl. "I have never seen anything so pale."

Pale were the sweet lips I saw,

And fair the form I floated with,

About that melancoly storm,

Let us climb down the Pekkas satanfur,

Change the Earths gravity beneath his farm,

And under the sky studded with stars.

"Now we have tried your recipe, father and let me try mine," said the girl. "Jaja", whatever you can think up", answered the calculator.
" Do you remember my oldold grandmotheremother from Russia? She that was mistress to Tjajkovski. She had a decoct for arseghosts." "Ja, of course I remeber that strange lady with all her gems. Wasn't that decoct something she used to kill husbands with. Haha. With snakepoisen and other things".
"Dada, I have it written down somewhere". The girl looked in an old box and there it was. The anusghostparasitesaborting recipe. Now time was short and the girl cycled as fast as she could to the zooinstitute for snakes and got a little flask cobrapoison. Then to the nearest lake where she found two frogs that the werevolf in her killed instantly. Belladonna she got a big bottle from a friend. Salt and pepper she already had.
Home again she put it all in a pan and cooked it. When it had cooled, she put it in the pale poets colon(what a sentence, pale poets colon).
First there was a heavy silence. Then came a never before heard scream and out flew two ghosts. One lilac and one blue . They were shaking and they changed colour, all the time, like rainbowsvasps or tropical gnatgnats. They throwed themselves at the nearest window and that was the belladonna that made them mad.
"Shall I kill them?" asked the (werevolf)girl.
"No,no", said the (notwerewolf)father."Let them out and let the snowstorm take them. If we kill them we have to take care of their ugly corpses." And out in the blizzard flow two, now both green, ghosts.
In the bed the pale poet opened his eyes. "I feel fine,", he said. There is no laughs and deathmetal in my ass and you two have saved my day. And my life. What can I do for you? But the two smiled at him and said...

[AGAG]

I like those kind of twists

"There's absolutely no need to thank me" Said Hubble "Thank my dear daughter who thought of the old tchaikovsky recipe and that hunted frogs in the forest with her inner werewolffie, even in these late hours. She also cycled fast to get that belladonna which is a bit rare in the winter. And all that with a light fever! My lips are way too thin for those things now. If there's anyone to thank, it is her, yes." And the salvadoran thanked her with a poem/song. Which he sang from the bathroom because of the subsequent diahrrea that stranded him for a couple of hours.

I was lost but now I'm found

Now that the assparasites have left

I have never been so sound

I have now for you the greatest heft

For you have mended my buckets cleft

From this bathroom, your remedies make me astound

And if I don't die now, I'll never again bereft...

I must survive

The shit tide

That arises and collides

From my arse, like a snowslide.

The remedie was suited for the strong blooded russians and the salvadorean had a hard time processing all the tropane alkaloids in the belladonna. He spent 4 hours and a half in the bathroom. When he got out, he had already lost 10 pounds. He had had the best intentions butt after the bowel cleansing, the girl insisted on him buying her a box of wolffie candies which were the best in finland to tame the inner beasts that lied within the finnish people. Mr Hubble gave them directions on where they could find those and so they walked downtown helsinki hand in hand, since the girl couldn't afford another bike for the salvadoran. In a local vending machine, they found the best gem like candies that they had ever seen. The salvadoran expended the last bits of his money and he forgot that he had to buy his flight back home, he was that forgetful every once in a while. The girl was happy with her candy but the salvadoran was worried about the food he had left home, he thought about the homeless men and how he could give good use to all those things he bought out of desperation. "I have to do something" He said, gasping silently and smiling since he now had an idea "I know, I know! I'll swim my way back home! Take me to the nearest beach and I'll also need a map!." The girl just looked back at him and said..

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

out of the question! No swimming for you. You need to rest and eat protein and big creamcakes, to get your strength back. PFN is still rooming about and he has eyes everywhere. We no longer know who is alien or not. They have for example no sushi in Helsinki now since some people got very, very sick and died when they ate them. They say it is a new sushivirus in all seas."
"Ok",said the now, not so pale poet, "Butt I feel so much better and I worry about the fucking cat, the fucking homeless guy in the dead elephants shed and till that a girlfriend I forgot to tell you about. She is only 15 (Hongkongdimplings) and that is a sensitive age. Can you help me?"
"Oh dear, oh dear, I will be happy to help you, since I understand you so well. My father will be sorry, butt he will come over it. Butt you must promise me to be very watchful."
So the poet went home to Salvador where his fucking cat, his fucking homeless guy and his not fucking girlfriend waited impatiently.
It rained when he landed and it rained when he came home. "Oh you are back", they said in chorus."And you have no longer any ghost-parasite-gnatgnats in your arse. "It is so great", said the girlfriend, that had been very irritaded over the disturbing ghosts. Even the cat, that had fucked without angry shoes thrown at him and by that lost half the fun in it, mjaauued loudly in a welcomesong.
Butt, butt in a hotel, in the city checked a Finnish goatfarmer in, and from his suitcase you cold hear uncanny and strange laughs...

[AGAG]

Work, what a thing Butt!...

...that sounded blueish and devilish. The hotel was a bit too untidy for the farmer and he liked coziness about this kind of things, so he bought the whole place and made the former owner his personal slave. In not so long, the hotel was the tidiest in the whole town and became very famous for being the only one without 2 feet long rodents. It had, instead, little spooky episodes on the woman's bathrooms, which were riddled with uncanny and strange laughters, WHICH had ghastly consequences for female guests. Only a week before the finnish goatfarmers arrival, the hotel was now his headquarters for his milk organisation where he managed a bunch of espionage operations from. The local police was bribed and didn't mention a thing about the illegal activities. The main one concerning the shitpoet. The others concerned salvadoran girls and salvadoran goats, anuses, tropical fruits and salvadorean sushi.

The salvadoran was at home with his dear 15 year old. With her brown maple eyes resting on a palm leaf, she had fallen asleep, like she tends to do in the evenings, leaving the drunki neighbour and the guy with time for senseless discussions. The neighbour gave all the food to the homeless man on a vodka night and they both were now broke and penniless.. also foodless. They were laughing as hell that night though. Everything was happiness and the shitpoet talked wonders of the finnish people and towns "It IS wonderful, the paysages are just out of this world and the people are so nice! I met some really gentle people there, there was this girl with lovely hair and his father which was a clever calculator, nicest people I've seen! I don't really now why I came back, the food was going to rot anyway..", the girlfriend had already woken up and was overhearing the conversation from the other room. She was just 15 so she took the comment very personally and breached in hastely "What?" She said, ready to slap and wreck. "Haha! so you woken up already? Good morning! Don't you worry my dear, you were one of the main reasons for my return. I missed you like any salvadorean would miss oropendolas on a foreign landscape." The girl believed him and they were happy. Later that night though, someone knocked the door, the uncanny laughter could be heard in the living room and the salvadoran had a bad feeling, he asked the neighbour to ask who it was and...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

The neighbour that slept on the floor close to the door jumped up. "Someone at the door," he hissed, "Can it be the Salvation Army or Jehova's Witness?" "Nono" hissed the poet back, "Don't open. I am afraid it is the Finnish goat-farmer-spy-alien-allergic-to-sushi, that wants to plant his fucking ghosts in my anus again."
Now the door broke open and in stormed Pekka Fucking Nurmi. He was angry as usual and his blood pressure was skyhigh, his puls over 220 and his facecolour bluered. Butt how scary he even looked, the two "things" that popped up from his bag, were hundred times worse. One light blue was jumping up and down and the other purple one, circulated the room in seconds. And their laughscreech was horrid. Huh! It was like standing in a tornado of a foggy gnatgnatswarm.
Butt they had a goal. Guess who and what on that who. Pitty the poet. What has he done to deserve this?
"Now I am not taking no for an answer", said Pekka with his harsh voice. "Now you and I are going to fetch that Coltranelover"!
"Butt, how, how", cried the poet. "I refuse"
"Shut up and sing", said PFN, "I have an alien-shuttle hovering over the roof and you are travelling light. Up and go!"
Now had the neighbour, that was a bit slow, at last understood the situation. He grabbed PFN's foot and dragged him to the floor. Boom, caboom, clash, wroom, there lay Pekka Fucking Nurmi with a broken leg...
What to DO?.He couldn't go to an Earthhospital and his alien friend was in the air and didn't dare to lieve his halfinvisible shuttle.
"Help",groaned Pekka. Help a galactic traveller!"
"Hrmm,"said the poet, "On one condition, that you put those ugly itching ghosts in my ass, back into that bag of yours. NOW!" And PFN..

[AGAG]

did, reluctantly, but his leg was in a very bad shape, so he would have accepted any condition whatsoever. So, the ghosts were now hidden in the biodegradable bag, Pekka was very aware of climate changes and loved mother earth. The salvadorean, with the help of his lovely 15 years old, put pekka on a bed where they inmovilized the broken leg, pouring alcohol into pekkas mouth since they didn't have any kind of sedatives. In no time, Pekka was drunk and they could straighten up the broken leg, seemingly, without any pain. "AAahhH" screamed pekka, in the sweetest voices of them all, before falling asleep from the pain. And he remained in the small bed, resting his eyes like a finnish angel on the green pillows while the salvadorean wrapped his leg with palm trees and tropical honey. Pekka had a very sweet smile when he slept, as if the alcohol made all his scoundrelness swish away. The ghosts contemplated the operation from the bag, with a sad expectative look, they whispered from time to time like children in awe. Two hours later, the home surgery was finished and the finnish man was already sleeping peacefully with his leg on a homescale, with a book back pack and a dictionary as a counterweight. Then, the salvadorean read the finnish some poems, so he could have sweet dreams.

"Like a guitar, alone
to which the circular smile and the music broke,
alone,
with no unmouthed inner animals,
bone in activity,
recent bone,
I made as if I, married with my mother, wandered amongst men,
happy townsman, populated by waves.."

The finnish man rested all night long and his ghosts kept an eye on him all the time. He was a guest so, exactly at dawn, the 15 years old was already awaiting with a big salvadoran breakfast and a big coffee mug. She was a bit shy so, still not finding Pekka trustworthy, she just said "good morning" and left the coffee on a table next to the small bed. "What's that sound?" he asked before she left the room. "Ohh, that. Don't worry at all, it is just Ligeti, it's a salvadoran ritual and you'll get used to it. You can cover your ears with pillows if it is too much.." and so he did, he covered his ears tightly with the green pillows since he was only used to polkkas and banjo concertos. At noon, all the people ate on the patio, it seemed like a family reunion and all the people stared blatantly at the leg broken finnish men. He smiled in return but didn't say a word. After some conversations, he told everyone his life story and in the innermost side, he was a grinch with a very sad heart, looking for friends at high tide. So he became friends with all the salvadoran people while his leg healed. The days went by and there was joy in the little home. Pekka played jazz banjo and he showed everyone his skills on polka improvisation. The ghosts sang from the bag and there was joy.

The day came when they could finally remove all the palm trees and the maple honey on the foreigner's leg. It was a very happy day and the ghosts on the biodegradable bag where delighted, he could finally walk and run, the local streetdogs played with pekka and he chased them happily to try his leg. The finnish said he had to go. The salvadoran asked "What will you do now? Will you return to finland to your ranch?" "I will" he answered smiling, "Butt first I have to do something of the greatest importance" Then he swiftly grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed the salvadorean right in the chest. In a liquescent scenario, everything faded dimmly and he saw how his finnish friend ran away from the house with his ghosts with the permanent smile. Everything was slow and liquid, the voice from the 15 years old screaming seemed placed at a steppe distance and the echoes of his drunki neighbour, while he tried to call the shit ambulances, sounded distorted and experimental. Soon everything was black and the salvadoran found himself drowned within the plainest of darknesses. "Huh... so this is death huh?.." He asked, a bit worried. "Not really, no" A voice answered, it was...

[Hubble86]

an hallucination of Muhammad. The poet closed his eyes and there it was, the tunnel of light with Saint Peter and his keyes.
"Am I to go in here now," asked, the again very pale poet.
"Let us see", said Peter and glanced through his papers,"Poet, poet Salvador. No, no you are not here so you better go back"
And back he went with a kaboom. Next to him sat his girlfriend and she wept. "Please don't die, please, please. I am pregnant with triplets and you must marry me. Now. Capisce! Please!
"Butt, butt I am only 17"(Trippelporkchops with oranges)
Butt he was happy. Three children at the same time. "How wonderful," he thought. "And I am not going to die. Pekkas knifewound is not so deep. Haha"
And he put on his shoes and started to jump. Up and down he jumped- "I am going to be a father," he sang, "a faaaather to three little kids. Lala . Yes I will marry you now."
And they ran to the priest that now lived in the shed where the elephant had died but there...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Since no one seems interested in the continuity of this telling I make it a familystory.


was no less than Pekka Fucking with his ghostbag in the shed. "Jaja", said nasty Pekka,"I am here to witness the wedding. I am sort of involved. Statistically two of the three babies will be allergic to sushi and I want them and their mother taken care of. I have another bun in another owen, so you poet, can keep all this three.
Now the priest entered and swish, swosh the two were married and had a happy life ever after. Snip snap here could the story had an end butt it is neverending so it goes on and on...
Pekka went to Finland and his farm and there waited commander Strutt. He was irritated. "And where have you been", he said,"I have looked for you everywhere. I have a surprise for you.
"Jaja"; said Pekka, "butt I broke my leg in Salvador and helped to make babies, butt now I am tired of this Earth and want to go home to Excessa. But I need to find that calculator first.
"Didn't I say that I have a surprise for you. We have Öhubble here and we are ready to go. Now!"
Bomkabom they were beamed through the sound-wall and next day Finnish media described the worst thunder they had ever heard.
Pekka was glad. At last he could use Öhubbles brain. "So, Öhubble, now we shall see what you can do. We need calcules over how the Earthpopulation will react when we take over. We will begin in China. So now I connect you to our computer".
Öhubble was incredibly angry. "This is horrendous", he said, "I will now close my brain for you and you can forget what you hoped for".
Pekka couldn't come in. He tried and he tried but the computer only said "Entrance impossible."
Pekka screamed and roared. He threw himself at the floor tearing his hair, butt the computer was persistent with "Entrance Impossible".
Butt Öhubble only smiled and hummed on a Coltranesolo.
"Fucking jazzidiot",roared Pekka, "that misfit coltrane is blocking my computer. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I will overpower him with some Stockhausen".
And out of the loudspeakers boomed a cantata. Butt Öhubble had his innermusic and he just smiled and hummed on.
"Vojne, Vojne", groaned Pekka. "This man is the devil himself. What is he made of?"
But now Öhubble had got enough and he...

[Frederic Chopin]

That AGAG he's having daddie issues I assume..

..Grabbed the most sturdy of guitars he always keep with him and slammed pekka in the head repeatedly, he had had practice with a little brown dog in the past so he had a very proficient technique. He was still conected to the computer though and he was tied to a chair. "I will tell you nothing. You can even use your torture apparati and it wouldn't work. Trane is always by my side." And he continued humming his sequence of solos, it was Giant steps. Pekka was mad. He installed linux in his computer to crack Hubble's head open. He studied Hubble's braincells trying to catch patterns and tortured him with Varese and Ligeti at very high volumes through high definition speakers. Sometimes he would get some Xennakis out of his shelf because it was his favorite, he would take a break and dance in front of Hubble, rejoicing on his freedom in front of the tied men with stochastics. Hubble had a very strong mind but Varese and Ligeti for a couple of days in a row was starting to drive him insane. Xennakis made his bowels go tingly. "What have I done to deserve this? Can you crazy alien put just... just one time, some trane? some getz?..." Asked the poor tied man, with a tired look on his face. "Haha! no.. your mind will soon be mine and after you give me all your secrets, you will listen to your saxophone shit.. at least until we invade finland! haha!" Answered pekka, smiling maliciously.

They had some meaningful conversations from time to time since pekka became bored with the linux programming. The time went by and Hubble was sad. He started to lose faith and his hummed solos now turned out melancholic and atharaxic, as if it was a fullhearted negro mating call. A down-poem. The room soaked with sadness and the walls seemed to respond in the interspersed silences when he hummed. A leaking heart, inhaling/exhaling what it had seen through the years standing still in there, drop by drop. Midst this lonely music interplay, there was pekka, too busy to listen this kind of beauty. Modulation modulation and he was now out of key.. Now he has finised his solo and pekka starts another line in his laptop. A new river of notes now prompts from the thin lips, reverberating in the floor, as if it was a sun from the lips. He moves his head to the side, now he is on the theme... What key is that?..

Everything seemed lost, Pekka was close to the brain key. But then the floor started trembling, the door opened and there..

[Karlheinz Stockhausen]

Gosh. I must think here...This is really something to speculate about. That Pekka!

[Arnold Z. layne]

How the hell did this story go from this

Once upon a time, Mr. Timo Kotipelto was very happy writting a new song when suddenly...

To this...

.Grabbed the most sturdy of guitars he always keep with him and slammed pekka in the head repeatedly, he had had practice with a little brown dog in the past so he had a very proficient technique. He was still conected to the computer though and he was tied to a chair. "I will tell you nothing. You can even use your torture apparati and it wouldn't work. Trane is always by my side." And he continued humming his sequence of solos, it was Giant steps. Pekka was mad. He installed linux in his computer to crack Hubble's head open. He studied Hubble's braincells trying to catch patterns and tortured him with Varese and Ligeti at very high volumes through high definition speakers. Sometimes he would get some Xennakis out of his shelf because it was his favorite, he would take a break and dance in front of Hubble, rejoicing on his freedom in front of the tied men with stochastics. Hubble had a very strong mind but Varese and Ligeti for a couple of days in a row was starting to drive him insane. Xennakis made his bowels go tingly. "What have I done to deserve this? Can you crazy alien put just... just one time, some trane? some getz?..." Asked the poor tied man, with a tired look on his face. "Haha! no.. your mind will soon be mine and after you give me all your secrets, you will listen to your saxophone shit.. at least until we invade finland! haha!" Answered pekka, smiling maliciously.

They had some meaningful conversations from time to time since pekka became bored with the linux programming. The time went by and Hubble was sad. He started to lose faith and his hummed solos now turned out melancholic and atharaxic, as if it was a fullhearted negro mating call. A down-poem. The room soaked with sadness and the walls seemed to respond in the interspersed silences when he hummed. A leaking heart, inhaling/exhaling what it had seen through the years standing still in there, drop by drop. Midst this lonely music interplay, there was pekka, too busy to listen this kind of beauty. Modulation modulation and he was now out of key.. Now he has finised his solo and pekka starts another line in his laptop. A new river of notes now prompts from the thin lips, reverberating in the floor, as if it was a sun from the lips. He moves his head to the side, now he is on the theme... What key is that?..

Everything seemed lost, Pekka was close to the brain key. But then the floor started trembling, the door opened and there..

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Jaja Arnold Z, Kotti has written many songs since then-and you have maybe gained as many pounds as your brother. Some call that development...
And here we go. Again!

stood Excessas General-Presidente-Dictator Hub Stubb. "Enough Pekka Fucking", he said. "Let the old man be, I respect his strong mind and his ability to use music to defend his integrity. You could learn from that Fucking!"
Pekka fell on his knees. "Sorry mr Presidente-Dictator Stubb. Butt I worked only for you and Excessa. We need those calcules".
"Jaja, butt you use the wrong methodes".
Now there was a blue light in the room and Stubb was transformed. Suddenly he looked as Öhubbles grandmother. She caressed Öhubbles cheek. "So, so Sigismund", will you help me, she said.
Öhubble was bewildered. "Grandma? What? How? What do you want? Calcules? Yes of course?" Then he, almost as in trance, started to calculate the overtake of China and in an hour Pekkas computer was full of all the numbers he could wish for.
Granny-Dictator smiled," And now little Sigismund, you can go home again. Here is a pink diamond as a gift."
Swish Boom and Öhubble was beamed to Finland. Butt by some mistake-or maybe not-Pekka was in the same beambubble and they were both standing in Öhubbles lab at Nokia.
"What,"screamed Pekka Fucking,"I will not be here. Who did this to me? Vojne, vojne And I have no beampower left. What can I do"?
"Haha" laughed Öhubble, "To be here or not that is your question. Come with me I will fix you some sushi."
"Sushi? No no, It can be lethal for me," Pekkas teeth screeched, "And I will not meet your infernal daughter. No thank you."
Butt, butt a knock on the door and...

[AGAG]

Pekka started to lose control. "If it is your daughter, I will destroy you and her and everything you've ever had the grasp of in your entire life... I will even make YOU eat sushi in my torture chamber" Mr Hubble was tired but that didn't kept him from smiling once agagain and saying "You pretend to see things as if you could have a chance against them. You seem too upset about meeting with my daughter again, what if you're looking for her? Trying to unweb the moon through a window, but you still sit still in the still nights. Things are what they are and you will not change anything by screaming and torturing old men like me with your shitty young music. Not even if you got all those numbers. Want to change things? Want to conquer the world? China? haha! You could start by trying to stop rivers barehanded.." And he stood by the door looking outside the nokia windows, smiling to the bare snow that flooded the nokia palace's surroundings with the most bare cold.

The day wasn't over yet and a helicopter just had went by, the round watermelons amplified the chipring of the startled parakeets that were flying towards another tree. The birds calmed the buses with a recitative speech, they were going to rebel against the high tension lines one day or the other. No matter what, 5 hours ago, there was still sound on another place. They are touring. Sometimes, they get trapped inside and they refuse to get out. They are learning.

This time, it was not the daugher. It was a thin man with a soprano saxophone in his hands, he was looking for Hubble and he had a big permanent smile on his face as if nothing could ever upset him. He came in humming and...

[AAAAAAAAAAAA 3.0]

started to fly into the sky with a huge smile on his face...then suddenly he started to feel a weird feeling in his tummy...he realized he needed to go take a HUGE shit...his smile turned into a frown and...

[AGAG]

He took a shit in the very same spot, all the shit falled in pekkas head because there was this tiny opening in the nokia palace's ceiling. Then the thin saxophone man came down from the sky with his soul wings again and said "Ha! Sorry about that, these things called changes make me fly from time to time, dancing on the ceiling is very though in this summertime. My old friend hubble what did I tell you my friend? I will get here come rain or come shine!. Give me a hug now... God! What is that handsome man lying on the floor with shit on his head?! He seems to be in a midnight mood" Hubble smiled and said...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Oh dear, oh dear, a new author and a new shitlover! I wonder why just faeces are so intriguing. Haha!

"jaja, he had this midnightmood since we came from Excessa. He has tried to unweb the moon and he wants to stop the rivers with his bare hands. I think he is close to a break-down. He hates me and my daughter. And Coltrane, butt he likes Jens, so "Ten seasons" is OK."
"I will try my sax on him" said the saxophoneman and took a deep breath before he started to toot his solo. He had hardly begun when Pekka flew up from the floor and started to dance a wild mazurka. He stomped and stepped like a maniac and his eyes almost popped out...
"Stop, stop ",shouted Öhubble," the man has got dancefit and he will faint".
And yes, Pekka fell to the floor and they called for an ambulance. He was unconscious and at the hospital the medical theme couldn't find his pulse.
"What" said dr Well,"this man is dead, butt, butt, he is sort of breathing. I have never seen anything like it." He tried to listen to Pekkas heart. "No heartbeat, butt he IS breathing. Look!"
The other doctors listened, pinched and squeezed poor Pekka and they all looked like big questionmarks.
Then, Kaboom! Pekka Fucking opened his eyes and saw the team. He flew up!
"Don't you even dare to touch me," he said with a growl.
And all the docs backed off like scared rabbits.
Pekka jumped down from the stretcher and ran out of the hospital. The doctors were speechless and dr Well said what they all thought,"What in hell was that for a fucking thing. He couldn't be human"...
But Pekka ran to Nokia. He had something to say to Öhubble and he wasn't in a merciful mood. Butt on his way he met...


And obs. He doesn't need to shit for several posts. Nonono!

[AGAG]

this homeless guy with which he crashed with in the swifty mood he was. He landed with his face on the dirty ground. "What the fuck? Can't you use your eyes for god's sake?!?" he said while getting the mud out of his mouth. The homeless man which was also lying on the floor gave him a dense look and said "Believe it or not unpolite sir, I've been looking for you all over Helsinki. Let me tell you! You guys throw the best shit in your trash cans! Can you believe this? I found half a burger with no traces of mould whatsoever in a Burger King!! what a thing!" Pekka didn't have time for this and so he said "I don't have time for this..." The homeless men was smiling as he got up and took copious amounts of dirt and mud out of his hair. "I can see that already. Well, let me swiftly tell you that I come from this little country called El Salvador, this guy I found on the street some weeks ago gave me a ton of plantain the other day and I owe him a favor. Her 15 year old girlfriend got pregnant all of a sudden and he can't leave the house at all. He wanted me to fly over here to Helsinki to give this guy Pekka a friendhug. He gave me this picture and you seem to be the man" The picture was taken in el salvador when Pekka had a broken leg. Meanwhile Pekka was going insane "I don't want anything to do with Salvadoran shit any more. Go back to apeland and take a shower, please!" And Pekka ran away to Mr Hubble's home, leaving the homeless man with a hug in the air.

Just when he got there, Hubble and the thin saxophone man were playing some jazz standards. An old dog was humming the Bass perfectly over one of the corners of the room. Pekka stormed in just midst mr Hubble's solo. "Dear god! What a horrible sound! Shut up you all! I need answers and I need them now. Quit that negro music now or else I will call my alien friends to torture you all with Ligeti and Carrillo." And they all stopped, just the dog kept doing a perfect walking bass with his eyes closed because he didn't understand humans. "Leave the dog alone, he will stop in just 7 bars, we were just about to finish this song. Don't you have manners at all you mischevous little farmer?" But pekka didn't listen at all and kicked the dog outside of the room. Then he asked "The numbers I got from you the other day are undecipherable!" Mr Hubble smiled and the thin man just watched because he will not take a shit again for several posts. "Hahaha, I knew you wouldn't have enough technologie to crack my head open." Said hubble with his thin lips like suns, he only smiled when he was playing or in the mornings, during breakfasts. "What is that dirty man that came in with you by the way?" Indeed, the homeless man had followed Pekka to Hubble's home. "Hello dear sirs! I have something for you mr Hubble and your daughter. It is a letter from the man that gave me some plantains. I will leave it here in this table so you can continue arguing about things I don't understand. See you all around! I will rummage through your garbage can and see if I can find half a doughnut or something.." And he left with a big smile on his face. Hubble then told pekka, no longer smiling "I will not go through that Xennakis shit again. Try to torture me if you can now!" and he grabbed an old acoustic guitar and smashed pekka in the head until it was no longer a guitar.

All the noise woke up Hubble's daughter who was taking a noon nap. She came in the room, seeing pekka in the corner and the smashed guitarra. She said...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

"Oh dear, oh dear, Not that Fucking. Again! I thought we at last got rid of him. Is there not a final solution for him??"
"Sorry, it is against my jazz-principles to kill and he is a hard nut. Haven't you seen "The Event"?
"What are you babbling about", said Pekka in his corner. "The Event is a stupid lying program where I am called Lee. I hate that name and what they have done of me. Butt why are you crossing guitarras on my head, Öhubble? You know it is worst for the guitarra. I will not be hurt. And don't ever take me to that hospital. Again! I am sure those damn docs will go to bottom with me and my heartlessness.
And he was right! A delegation of four doctors and two policemen came to Öhubbles house. "This goatfarmer is some sensation", said dr Well, "Let us cut him up"!
"What, what in hell", screamed Pekka, "Cut me up? Are you out of your mind? Vojne, vojne, you will have big problems, if you even touch me again. I can couple up 5000 wolt or ampere what ever and it will kill you."
"Bah" dr Well laughed,"Come on now or we will handcuff you." "Nono I warn you", screamed Pekka.
Dr well grabbed the reluctant goarfarmer from the border Finland-Russia, allergic to sushi and he got his lifeshock! Litterary! For Pekka was glowing like a "Midnightsun never sets" (Getz, mumbled Öhubble) and they all, doctors, policemen, Öhubbles and the saxophoneman fell in a big heap on the floor. Were they dead? All of them? Was this a finnish catastrophe? Nono, they were only stunned and Pekka left them with his hollow laugh.
It was very quiet in the Öhubblehouse. Butt after one hour the two sturdy policemen Bull and Ball moved and Bull said. "Wow, what on earth was that hitting us." Ball answered with a question," Huhhuh!Was it the russian maffia?" "Jaja maybe so," said Bull.
Butt dr Well,that had burnt his hands, was not so sure. He...

[AGAG]

was feeling dizzy and liquid. "I think... I think I will have to take a shit now." He said, with his hands pressuring his stomach. "But it is not time yet! It hasn't been several posts and we all might upset one of the authors! Imagine what they could do to us if we don't follow their obs." Said the thinman which was panicking because he also felt liquid and a bit full on his insides because he was on an oatmeal diet. "Pekka's light has casted a curse upon us! I can't hold it any longer!" Indeed they all had very lackadaisical will power and they took a copious shit on Mr Hubble's living room. Mr Hubble had the strongest bowels of them so he didn't feel a thing, but he got terribly mad when he saw shit covering all his finnish furniture. "OUT OUT OUT! Never had I seen such unrespecfulnes in a doctor in my entire life! What about you? You had just taken a shit! Can't you use the patio at least?! no, no... this is unacceptable... OUT!" And out they went, even the thin sax man which had taken his second shit. They left mr Hubble alone with his daughter. Pekka was nowhere to be seen and it was dead quiet in this finnish town. They cleaned the mess and the peace was once more restablished in Mr Hubble's home.

The homeless man had returned home and...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

Sooo? You don't give a .... about my poor OBS? Oh dear! You hate me? Yes?


to his homeless shed and the poet that just had taken a .... said, "I have just taken a .... and it was a rainbow.... I .... as many rainbow....s as I want and no plaitgirl from that rotten ....land Finland, is telling me when, where, how and what I .... She has NO right to determine anything about my ....ing. Or OBSA me. She should .... in that."
"You are so right",said the homeless man,"Butt butt it is a bit difficult to .... in the ....shed so I use to go behind this ....house and .... There is now a rather big ....heap so we maybe have to do someting about all that ...."
"Jaja", said the poet and wrinkled his nose, "I can feel the smell of all your .... So let us dig a hole in the garden, a ....hole.
"Butt what shall we dig .... with, dear poet, dear poet, with what shall we dig .... with, dear poet? With what?"
"We try a big ....spade, dear homeless, dear homeless, we try a big ....spade dear homeless, a big ....spade and dig.
And they dug .... the whole day and soon there was a bigbig ....hole and haven't they finished the ....digging they are still at it, and I am sure they will find more .... to dig up or down. They have in other words become really big ....diggers.
Butt In Finland the OBS-girl...

[AGAG]

What the fuck was that?!

was laughing at the enormous montacle of shit she had drowned the poet in on a sub-world, in which it was still night because of caffeine and all the holes he had to dig. She deliberately made of him a holedigger and he was extremely tired with his drunk neighbour because all the shit they had to dig through (The soil in El Salvador is made of shit). At least the drunki had gotten himself a better shed to sleep in. And at least he and his rats would have some nice night sleeps for some months. The shitpoet was a good shit molder when he had to help a friend in distress. She got out of her home just laughing at the thought. Just after that, she quickly found out Finland had woken up rather sloshy and that it wouldn't let any bikes thread through the morning's traffic for some days. "What a shit!" she said and got out a pair of ski boots rather forcedly with which she glided downtown, leaving a fine trail of ski blades all over the sidewalks. It was one of those days when the sky just demands you to stay in and call in sick. She stopped in a cafe and said hi to a smiling police officer. She was on a very inquisitive mood and approached the gentlemen saying "Hello hello! I see you carry a big big club to deal with bad bad men! Well well! I love to make obs. and I would love to know what your stand on beating little animal fuckers for fun is, just to have a broader perspective on this outlawers" The smiling police officer became more smiling in nature and proceeded to relate his thoughts, his voice was thin and feminine, like that silver hair of a parakeet. "Hmmhm, I just have to confess here. It is my greatest pleasure to kill these malicious peace destroyers. It is a duty in finland to protect all the fauna and that includes little spiders. Do you have any spiders in your little little home you don't take care of properly young miss?" The policeman sounded serious and gave up the smile for the inquisitive look of a nationalist on a group of tourists. "Butt butt! of course not! I have to work now!.. yes, work.. so I will leave you now with your big big cup of coffee and your big big club for bad people." She said, ready to go outside to ski again through a sea of people. "Nicht so schnell!" he said with a straight face "I am a german animal-officer and I don't believe your words, you will now mitkommen and I will search your residence thoroughly in hunt for malnourished spiders and miscellaneous insects... go go go! you will not work today and you will buy me an extra cup of coffee, ja" and a caramel frappe with cream later, away they went.

They arrived to the small residence which was lonely and calm like a palm tree on a beach in which rats hugged themselves facing the sunset. She opened the door quietly and calmly: she knew she took good care of all the cockroaches. Indeed, the german officer enjoyed his extra coffee while searching all the corners of the house, finding just very fit rats and very happy cockroaches at work collecting food for their families. The german animal--officer was convinced she was an animal lover and he even told her stories about the war on sweden in which shrews invaded stockholm. She was happy because she had an excuse not to go to work, it was a german officer after all!. "...We had to use hunde... many of them just to save all the houses from the long-nosed scoundrels. I still remember their screeches... it was a sad moment in history... But anyway, you seem to have all your animals in order and I better leave to patrol the streets now which are still sloshy" The german got up and just before the door he stopped and said "Wait wait wait!.... what is THAT? in the table? is that a letter?... it looks like it has mould in it, no one has read it and... Mein gott! is that a family of starving Tegenaria domestica on the folds?!"

Indeed, there were 4 little spiders wallowing in dirt and old mould. The letter seemed abandoned and the spider family too. The mother had the distinctive look of a hard worker but it wasn't enough to feed the children. The german was now redder "This is horrendous! Gruesome! Unacceptable! You're not an innocent young miss. This demands extreme measures at once!" And then he...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

From .... to disgusting insects it is not so far.


and he killed them all with his scoundrel-bat-bat for bats and rats.
"Oh dear", said the girl, "I didnt know that German animalactivists killed animals. Are you a spider-spy in disguise and is there an animalhater behind your mask? You just killed, not only a Tegenaria Domestica-mother with her five kids, butt in the same blow you eliminated a Tegenaria Agrestis-a vagrantspider from Ukraine. He lived in that letter from Salvador and that is why I havent read it. I didn't want to disturb him."
"Grrr", snarled the German,"Yes,I am a spider-spy and an anti-animal-activist and I hate all animals butt mostly insects that creep and buzz. Gnat-gnats, vasps and wasps are first on my killinglist."
"Oh dear, I have some valuable ghostgnats, four Anisopodidae and two exceptionally parasitic and predatoric ghost-gnats, Kleptoparkasites Anusgnats, that I have stolen from an Alien that used them for torture on an young poetanus in Salvador. I keep them in a very tight jar and you can just look at them. No batbat!"
From the jar came a shrieking buzz and it sounded like a crocodilevasp. The German shuddered, "God how I want to kill those two," he groaned. " It is almost insufferable to feel that need and be restrained, so I think I must leave this house before I go gnatgnatberserk. Butt can I sing a German folksong for you?"
"Yes, yes do",said the girl reluctantly. And he sang loud and clear the spiderspysong.

I'm a spiderspy and I'm okey,

I spy all night and I spy all day,

I kill Domesticas and Gnatgnats,

And even bigger Gnatscwats

It is a great fun-fun for me,

If I can kill a bee.

I dig up worms,

And I go to storms,

Against every animalactivist I see.


The girl didn't applaud but showed him the door. "Good bye German spiderspy, now I will at last read the spiderhomeletter from Salvador." And she picked up the paper, butt got rather disturbed for there was written in bigbig letters...

[AAAAAAAAAAAA 3.0]

YOU WILL DIE TONIGHT!!!!!!!IM GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN AND EAT YOUR INTESTINES AND WATCH YOU SCREAM IN AGONY AS I LAUGH AND SEE YOU SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

"Huh, huh," she thought, " JAJAJA that Pekka Fucking. Again! Butt Butt it is an old letter, 2 month ( 2, ordinary soursweet chicken with ananascrumbs) and there has been much water under the bridge since then."
But then she saw the writing with invisible ink . "I hate you and I love you and I will get you at last, be sure of that".

Then she got really scared because she knew what Pekka Fucking Nurmi could do and...

[AGAG]

Pekka again? He is very decided

fled all over europe looking for shelter. She knew that Pekka would look for her from his spaceship but she was sure that in Vilnius, she would be fine. She said goodbye to her friends, hugged finnish trees for some time and off she goes, she would get there skiing through the forests because the streets were still sloshy and she didn't want to use any kind of public transportation because it was too dull and uninspiring for her scared mood. She just carried a mountain backpack with two apples and a long version of "Into the wild" by Jon krakauer. Toilet paper and other kind of luxes would be provided by the enviroment, she thought. She hunted for brittlegill and other wild mushrooms to stay alive through her forest journey but being a lot more careful not to pick up poisonous ones than the man on the book. "Haha!" She laughed at the thought of dying from mycetism "Phallotoxins and alpha-amanitin.. what a joke! ha!". In the middle of her long long journey, she ran out of apples and of books to read. "What a shit!" she said hastingly "I should have brought that pear..." Indeed, it was winter and there was not a single fruit or animal to hunt or eat or hug. Just snow, snow and more snow which tasted like oil with a brown tinge. Life was happy: just some hours after she ran out of apples, she came across this old wreck of a mid 80's van. Inside there was the corpse of a man who was completely well-preserved thanks to the sub-zero conditions and there was a bag of rice and a copy of "Les Miserables" by Victor Hugo that would last for about 2 weeks. She was happy and even thought of cannibalism for dinner but then the men woke up from his long long sleep all of a sudden and said "Hello... hmm what is this? are you boiling up my rice? what now? so a lonely man in a forest can't be safe from strangers entering his van and eating his rice and reading his les miserables?... you see, that's why I gave up on society young lady, we just CAN'T respect each other's books..." The girl was now very sorry and said...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

"Oh, dear I am so sorry, butt I thought you were dead. I am on the run and I only had an apple to eat two days ago and I am so hungry. I even thought I could eat you. Butt it was unconsidered. For how could I have cooked you here? And raw? No! Maybe I could have roasted you on an open fire, like an ugly bird. Haha. Sorry I don't intend to be disrespectful. It was some sort of a joke, haha. I hope I don't talk to much for your unused ears, butt I am a bit nervous. Sorry!"
"Hrm, said the bewildered man, "Jaja, I hear you butt I am not much to eat, since I am very thin and you can't do any sweet and sour sauce on an open fire and it would have been a must to my dry burnt flesh. (nr 34). I am a mycologist from Salvador and I have under this deep snow found some Brittlegill-Russia Caerulea and I was close to confuse them with the Manitins that was growing on the same place. And then I would have been dead and if you had eaten me you had been dead too. They contain a cyclic peptide witch is the most potent poisen in the world. Even gnatgnats die of that."
"OH dear", said the girl, while she wondered if that poisen cold be something for an allergic Alien. "So you are from Salvador," she said, "I have a very good friend there. He is a poet and is called AGAG"
"You don't say. I know AGAG too. So he is a poet now? When I knew him he was an elephantcaretaker".
"Oh dear, that elephant is dead and in his shed live homeless people that need hugs, so AGAG started to compose poems for them"
"Aha, butt what are you doing out here in the wilderness all by yourself?"
" There is an alien, called Pekka, after me and I think he has some satellitspy, that hunts me high and low..."
" Aha, I think I understand. An alien is after you".
"Of course you don't believe me. Noone does," said the unhappy girl. "They all think he is a harmless goatfarmer. Butt he is letal."
"Aha, butt what can he do if he suddenly comes here in his little UFO?" The man smiled scoffingly.
Butt his smiled disappeared abruptly, when a very, very powerful light almost blinded them and a whipping and roaring deafening sound hit them. It came closer...and closer... and...

[AGAG]

when they both peeked outside of the window, it was a huge freightliner truck that was going full speed directly to the van. They both ran outside hastily and saw how the van was directly hit by the truck. The salvadoran hermite was devastated "MY RICE! MY RICE..." he cried "I will not be able to get such a good rice again... And my Victor Hugo! Where will I replace him? No!" The Freight stopped after some meters and the girl ran to see if there were some fatalities to lament over. The driver was a drunk Irish man who was transporting medicine through the scandinavian forest, dodging trees and drinking. He was unharmed and very happy with a bottle of fermented aple in his hands. "Isn't it cold here, eh?" He said and then offered them both a ride and some good molson to enjoy the trip. In about 40 minutes the hermite was no longer sad and they all had happy looks in their face.

Finally the ride came to an end and so did the journey of the girl and the salvadorean. They were all drunk so it wasn't exactly vilnius as they all had expected, they got sidetracked and followed a wild deer. The deer led them to this rural area. It was a small town in the middle of nowhere and there were no dogs whatsoever. There was something weird in the air. The place was sunny and it smelled like sunflowers in may and the sun was setting behind the freightliner quick. The townsmen were all sad because of their nature butt they got excited when they received this three new rare specimens to serve and make happy. Indeed they led them to the townshall where they could drink a lot more and puke freely on the streets of the town. It was a party and even the mayor of the 50-men town gave a speech. "Today fellow citizens, we all welcome this two brave men and this brave woman, since it is the first time a foreigner ever steps on this lonely town. Yes! it was intrinsically bad to believe anything existed oustide of here. Yes! people believe that we are a town of sadists and bad people but these people are not close-minded and they show all the world we too can be good friends! Now it is time fellow citizens! Today we all praise our lord Jaromil with the sacrifice of these 3 foreigners!" And the town cheered in joy. The 3 brave men were too drunk to understand a thing and the agreed when the mayor led them into a dark room with a torture table in the middle. The girl was smiling and said...

[ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ]

as usual "Oh dear, what are you fucking jerks doing?" Butt her smile was strained. She was in a state of intense fear and thought that this was her last minutes on earth. And what could she do? She saw her intoxicated friends be pushed into the torturechamber, while a really scary man caressed her plaites. Was rape first on his agenda?
What sort of people was this? They looked more dead than alive and she had heard about something called "living dead". Was that it? A whole little city of living dead?. She hadn't have time to see the movie for all work and studies, butt she had read that it was about hungry dead ones, that wanted to have the living for supper. And she could understand them. Hadn't she herself some posts ago had some idea about roasting the mycologist from Salvador? Like a turkey? (Ha, see, I can use the real name)
Four men came close to her and she heard her two drunken friends scream in pain. She must do something, butt she wasn't strong enough to fight them...So what?
Then there was a crash and the door flew open. A guy with a flamethrower in one hand and a kalashnikov in the other stormed in.
"Oh dear! Pekka", she sighed. "Oh Pekka you have found me. So save me and my friends".
"Jaja", said the man and it was of course Pekka Fucking Nurmi in person and he let his weapon speak loud and clear. Tatatatatarata. It echoed tatatatatarata...
On the floor lay the ugly men. Dead. Again! And the torturer came out to see what was gong on. They got their tatatatatrata too. Butt the still drunk but now happydrunk, the mycologist and the lorrydriver, blessed their saviour with raucous hurrahs and when they heard that he was an alien they sang the Aliensong...

Oh, Alien, Oh Alien, you can please us very much,

Your hope and your durability,

Provide comfort and stability,

Oh Alien, Oh Alien, That is what all your strength
teach us as such.


And the plaitgirl sang with them. She saw Pekka Fucking with different eyes now. He was suddenly her big hero, her killingdeadpeoplehero, her alienhero and...